Sequel to How do we make it back from this?
by Bear125
Summary: Adam and Kim have been married for 2 years when Adam takes an undercover assignment. Can their marriage survive the ramifications of what happens while he's away? BURZEK obviously!
1. Chapter 1

**Here is the sequel I promised to have out last week and then failed to deliver!**

 **I have been struggling with this, the story line has a character doing something very borderline unforgivable. I've gone back and forwards between changing the SL but have decided to just post it and hope that I don't make someone we all love, hated in this story.**

 **So I couldn't think of a title for this story - any suggestions would be great!**

 **You need to read How do we make it back from this? first.**

 _"_ _No Adam" Kim said standing with her hands on her hips_

 _"_ _Darlin, you know this is a really big break for me." Adam pleaded_

 _"_ _So what? All of a sudden you don't want to be in intelligence?" Kim snapped_

 _"_ _That's not what I'm saying, the experience is good for me, and maybe one day I might want to do something more, you were the one who said one day you hoped we could have jobs that wouldn't mean quite such crazy hours" Adam moved closer to her putting his hands over hers on her hips. "Especially if we are going to be making a baby" he winked_

 _"_ _You cannot use us deciding to start trying for a baby as a reason to go undercover Adam. That is precisely a reason not to go. What you only want to try if it works in with your schedule?"_

 _"_ _Darlin, we only decided 2 weeks ago to start trying… You said it would take at least a month or two for your body to get ready… I'll be back before you're good to go, and I'll be more than good to go by then…" he said moving his hands around to her ass and wriggling his eyebrows suggestively._

 _She narrowed her eyes at him and moved away angrily. "I don't want you to go" she said firmly and finally, storming into the bedroom and slamming the door behind her._

 _Adam let out a long breath and walked after her, he never understood her need for slamming doors, he never took the hint to stay away._

 _"_ _It's a shut door Adam"_

 _"_ _Yeah, but it's my door, and my wife is behind it so I don't care"_

 _Kim continued to roughly fold the clothes, screwing Adam's into balls instead of folding them. Adam chuckled, she was the only one that was going to annoy, he would grab his clothes right out of a basket._

 _"_ _Can we have a conversation about this?" Adam asked cautiously_

 _"_ _I don't want you to go"_

 _"_ _I got that vibe baby" he chuckled but stopped when she shot him an unimpressed look "Is it just cause I'll be away?"_

 _"_ _Being away from me doesn't bother you?" Kim snapped_

 _"_ _That's not what I said and you know I hate being away from you"_

 _"_ _It sounds dangerous Adam" she sighed pushing the basket of clothes into the middle of the bed and sitting down next to him._

 _"_ _Only if I get made, and we both know I'm especially good at not getting made" he said cockily. Over the last few years he'd really ramped up his UC skills and now he was the best one in the unit. He was Voights go to for anything UC. Probably why the Feds took an interest in him._

 _"_ _That. Right there. That's what scares me Adam. You are so damn cocky" she huffed and stormed away from him again._

 _Adams phone rang._

 _"_ _Ruzek" he said not recognizing the number_

 _"_ _Ruzek, its Sargent Mckenzie. Do you have an answer on this case yet?" He asked abruptly._

 _"_ _Sargent, Hi. I'm still talking it over with my wife at the moment. Can you give me until the morning?"_

 _"_ _Your wife carry your balls around in her handbag?" He asked gruffly making Adams blood boil._

 _"_ _Not quite... Decisions that impact both our lives I tend to make with her though." Adam said back through gritted teeth._

 _"_ _Huh. And if I can't give you until tomorrow morning?"_

 _"_ _Then I'd have to respectfully decline. I won't go unless my wife is on board" Adam didn't want to say no, he wanted to go, but there was no way in hell he was going without Kim's support and blessing._

 _"_ _Right." He said pausing and Adam could hear him tapping against something. "You have until 9 in the morning Ruzek. I hope you can get that woman to see some sense" he said rudely and hung up._

 _"_ _Jackass" Adam breathed out as he hung up and chucked his phone on the bench_

 _"_ _You have to be careful. Over cautious. And 4 months. That's the limit. Any longer and they pull the pin and you come home, or when you eventually come home it won't be to this house" Kim said leaning against the door frame, she'd heard Adams phone conversation and realized she was being selfish and just saying no because she was scared._

 _"_ _4 months. Over cautious. I can do both of those things. Are you sure though?" Adam smiled wrapping his arms around her._

 _"_ _No. Not even slightly. But they picked you because you are good at it, and I know how badly you want to do a big UC case. So go. Get it out of your system, but don't like it too much. We are going to make a baby when you get home and then you're never doing this again" she grinned and kissed him._

 _"_ _Wanna practice?" He said lifting her up and kissing her neck._

 _"_ _Practice makes perfect" she laughed as he headed towards their bedroom._

 **...**

Kim blinked back threatening tears, she'd imagined this moment several times; the moment when they would finally find out they were going to have a baby, but when she'd imagined it, it was very different. Adam would be beside her, they would see the two pink lines and they would be overjoyed together. This. This wasn't how it was meant to be. This wasn't at all how she'd imagined it.

Kim heard her phone ringing and quickly shoved the stick under the basin. She ran after her phone, just as she did every time it rung since Adam left. She'd hoped she would get used to it, but with every passing day she was beginning to realize she was going to be on edge until he got home.

It was Kelsey, Kevin's live in girlfriend. They have been together for about 18 months. While at first Kim was overly cautious, Kevin had never been so smitten by a woman and that made Kim very protective. Kim soon learnt Kelsey was one of the good ones and they'd become close quickly, and now they were best friends.

"Hey Kels"

"Come to Molly's. We'll have a girls night." She said cheerfully skipping the hellos and how are yous. Kim would just lie and say she was good, when it was very apparent she was anything but good.

"Not tonight"

"Kimmmmm you've been saying not tonight, every night since Adam has left. You are sitting at home alone. It's only been 10 days and he could be gone for 4 months. Don't do this to yourself"

Kim sighed

"I can't drink, I've decided to take a challenge at gym. I'm going to try last 8 weeks without alcohol" Kim lied, it would buy her some time. She didn't want to tell anyone before Adam.

Kim listened to Kelsey tell her how terrible of an idea that was, and that she needed a way to let off her steam, she eventually gave up and told her she would stop by in the morning to see her.

Kim sighed and hung up opening her laptop to look for a doctor, another thing she really wished she had Adam by her side for.

 **...**

Kim was out of breath, her lungs were burning, her chest heaving and she had a stitch in her side.

It had been almost a month since she peed on the little white stick and Adam was still undercover, she had been getting the same updates; twice a week, Adam's FBI handler would call her and let her know he was O.K. Aside from that she didn't even know if he was still in Illinois, as every day went past she felt the silent clock inside her ticking.

She didn't want to share this with anyone else until she'd shared it with Adam, until they'd had a chance to be excited together in their own little bubble.

She was 11 weeks pregnant today, her doctor had told her she could continue her job as usual but obviously try to remain away from contact and listen to her body.

Right now, her body was screaming at her to slow down, but slowing down meant telling everyone else.

Adam would kill her if he was here, he would have never wanted her in the field at all while she was pregnant.

"Atwater and I got him… Burgess where you at?" Jay's voice came over the two-way. The three of them had gone after the suspect but Kim had fallen behind, way behind.

Kim took a few deep breaths trying to get the crushing feeling in her chest go away and her breathing less ragged.

"Uh… I'm just back a bit… I'll go back and get the car" she tried her hardest to hide her breathlessness. She turned and started walking back to the car just as Jay and Kevin rounded the corner behind her.

Kevin gave Jay a puzzled look, Kim was fast, she was usually the first to catch a perp with someone backing her up after if she needed it.

"What happened?" Kev asked as he jogged up to her, he looked at her face and noticed how flushed she was and scrunched his forehead up "You feeling ok?"

"I'm fine Kevin" she snapped as Al drove up, they put the offender into the back of Al's car and Kim jumped into the front and left with her partner thankful to have had a distraction from answering Kevin's questions.

"What was up?"

"No idea. She's not taking Ruzek being away well at all… she's barely been to Molly's, she's barely eating too. I brought her lunch the other day and she had a bite of the burger and a few fries and that's it, she usually eats like a horse. Have you heard anything about how much longer he's going to be?" Kev asked Jay concern flooding his voice, he'd promised Adam he would take care of her and he felt like he was failing.

"Erin said she hasn't been to the gym in a couple weeks either which is weird when she claims to be doing some challenge. Said every time she calls her she sounds like she's been asleep"

"Kelsey and I went over there the other day and she was sleeping, Kelsey's tried talking to her but she snaps and tells her she is fine"

"I'm sure she is, we are all a bit on edge with him away. It's a Feds case, the stakes a big and these things can go sideways quickly. She knows that, she's probably just worried"

"Yeah you're right" Kev said nodding.

 **...**

"Kim, my office now" Voight said as he walked through the bullpen and into his office.  
Kim felt her breath catch in the back of her throat and walked quickly after him.

"Shut the door"

Kim stared at him nervously, her heart thundering and her palms sweating. Voight looked up when she didn't make a move and instantly felt guilty.

"Sorry Burgess, it's not about Adam. I haven't heard anything"

Kim felt her body relax and let out a long breath, she was on edge and anytime anyone told her they needed to talk to her, or had a worried look on their face her brain instantly assumed something had happened to Adam.

"How are you doing with everything?" Voight had been shocked with how hard Kim was taking Adam being away, everyone had been. She was a shell of herself, she looked tired and she withdrew from the group outside of work. His conversation with Al had just explained a hell of a lot though.

"I'm fine, thanks" Kim replied looking at her hands in her lap.

Voight took a deep breath and leant back in his chair.  
"I just had an interesting chat with O, before I ask you outright, is there anything you want to tell me?"

Kim knew Al was onto her, if anyone was going to notice it was going to be him, he helped her get her vest on every day and it was becoming increasingly tight. He'd also made a comment about her kit belt being let out by two button holes and he was forever coping the brunt of her pregnancy hormones.

Kim felt tears form in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.

"I don't want to tell anyone until Adam gets home"

"Kim, I think you might have too… How many weeks?"

"11"

"You shouldn't be in the field, Ruzek wouldn't want you to be"

"I know" Kim tried to control her emotions, she didn't want to break down to Voight of all people.

"You are officially on desk duty, I won't tell anyone why, I'll say it's because you're distracted, it's not my place to tell. But you should tell everyone, this is a good thing Kim." Kim nodded and walked back to her desk.

 **A/N - Excuse any errors, I'm not a great editor!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone for the reviews! It's made me even more nervous to post this though, I was going to drag it out a little but decided to just jump right in.**

His stomach lurched, he was sure he was about to be sick, he used all his focus to keep calm and to not throw up.

It was getting easier… he was getting harder to rattle, this was by far the worst he'd ever had to be involved in, taking them down was going to be more than satisfying.

"That one, we could get $200,000 for that one, easy"

Adam listened to the disgusting exchange, his skin crawling, rage bubbling inside of him.

When he was briefed on the case, he was trying to take down a drug ring…

He had been accepted way further into the circle of trust then anyone ever expected though, and what he found out, was that these people were more depraved and sick than they could have ever imagined.

The drug ring was their bread and butter, it was a steady and very lucrative source of income, but what made them the majority of their money... was small children... small children that they would kidnap and then sell off to the highest bidder, no questions asked.

At first Adam had thought it was to people who wanted a child, but it became all too obvious that they didn't care what people wanted the children for, so long as they were paid. And most of them were not going to homes to be loved and nurtured the way a child should be.

Adam was trying to get in far enough to find out where they held the children, at the moment, he was privy to knowing what was going on in a loose sense, but not the details he needed to save any more kids from being taken, or enough to send these bastards away for good.

 **…**

Kim walked into the bullpen, she had a scan this morning, when the sonographer had asked if she wanted to find out the babies sex she had burst into tears.

She wasn't prepared for that question, when Liana had Zoe she'd had to wait until 18 weeks, but apparently, they could tell at 13 now.

She didn't want to know, she told herself she would wait until Adam was home, it would at least be something they could find out together. Something they could share together.

Kevin gave her the same look he'd been giving her for weeks and she groaned loudly.

"I know okay Kev, I look like shit." she huffed as she sat down at her desk.

"I wasn't going to say that… I was going to say you look unwell"

"Same thing"

"Kim, don't you think you should see a doctor, it's not like you to be sick for this long" Kev said concerned.

"Kev's right, you should go to a doctor" Al smirked, Voight hadn't told him, but when she was placed on desk duty that was all the confirmation that he was right that he needed. "See if he can't find out what's making you so grouchy too" he taunted.

"I hate you both"

"See grouchy" Al laughed as he pointed his banana at her.

"I'm grouchy because my husband is off god knows where probably doing something stupidly dangerous because he thinks he's bulletproof and I'm stuck here, inside these four walls all day because his super sperm decided to knock me up after stopping the pill for all of one minute" Kim yelled and stormed in to the locker room, she'd had enough, this morning was her almost breaking point, this had just tipped her over the edge.

Al sighed loudly, he'd been waiting for that blow up.

 **…**

Al walked into the locker room, he'd drawn the short straw, no one wanted to see Kim crying, and they knew that's what she would be doing in here. They'd pulled the 'you had experience with a pregnant lady before' line on him.

"Kim?" Al said cautiously, sitting on the bench seat next to her.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you, I was just hoping he'd be home before I had to" Kim said through her tears, which were in actual fact more like sobs. Pregnancy hormones were messing with her and she could be reduced to a puddle over almost anything, it was remarkable she'd managed to hold onto it for this long. At home, she cried over everything.

"You don't have to apologize for that, I suspected as much anyway… How far along are you?"

"13 weeks, I had a scan this morning… There were all these couples in the waiting room excited and there I was sitting alone" Kim paused to wipe her eyes "I could have found out if it was a boy or girl, but I couldn't, not without Adam. I just want him to come home Al, I need him"

"It's ok, don't cry" he said pulling her into a hug.

"You know the kid, he's an over achiever on these things, he'll be home well before the 4 month deadline"

"God I hope so, I hate to think of how much more of a basket case I'm going to be if he's away for another 2 and half months" Kim joked wiping her eyes and forcing a smile.

 **…**

Kim woke up to a loud banging on the door, she groaned and rolled over looking at the clock on Adams nightstand

"7.15.. ugh seriously, this better be good" she muttered pulling herself out of bed and to the front door. She opened it to be met with a very chirpy Kelsey.

"Morning preggers, now I know you have a bun in that oven of yours I'm no longer going to let you wallow" she said pushing her way into the house. Kim looked around behind her hoping to see Kevin

"Where's Kev?" he hadn't said much yesterday after having found out she was pregnant.

"He's on the phone to some gardener"

"What on earth do you need a gardener for? You have a balcony with a couple of plants" Kim laughed

"Not for us, for you. We pulled up and he had a fit thinking about you trying to cut the grass or trim the hedges"

Kim sighed "He's mad at me for not telling him isn't he?"

Kelsey hesitated and then grimaced "Not really, he's more mad you were still out chasing the bad guys"

"Great"

"It's only cause he cares" Kelsey smiled and then started making a smoothie that didn't look appetizing at all. "Just like I'm making you this because I care, not because it's going to taste good" she laughed and turned the blender on making Kim cover her ears and groan loudly.

"There is a guy coming to do the yard on Friday" Kev said when he walked in the door

"Thanks Kev"

"You know the first thing I'm going to tell him when he gets back? Is that turns out, you're dumber than him" Kev said half laughing.

Kim narrowed her eyes at him "Real nice Atwater"

"He's going to be so pissed at you" he taunted ignoring her looks.

"I'm growing a human for him, he can't be pissed at me" Kim smiled

"Well I'm coming to the rest of your appointments"

"You don't have to Kev"

"Of course I don't Burgess, but I'm going to" Kev said as he walked into the living room "Ruzek's TV needs to have some sport on it, poor thing is starved of anything decent playing on it I bet"

Kim rolled her eyes, not that she would admit it, but it was nice that people knew now, she didn't have to hide out in the house alone.

 **...**

Adam's hands were all over Kim's body, running up the backs of her thighs as he pulled her body closer to him kissing the part of her neck that made her crazy. He pushed his hands up her sides and pulled her dress over her head and threw it away, unclasping her bra and pulling it away from her. He kissed his way down the center of her chest ignoring all the places he knew she wanted him to kiss…

"Ben baby, answer your phone" Adam heard from beside him and he groaned. It was a dream, a bittersweet dream. He opened his eyes and looked over at the half naked blonde lying next to him and felt the same horrible feeling he felt every time he looked at her. Guilt. No matter what his handler tried to tell him, no matter how many times he tried to convince himself that this was helping the greater good. He was cheating on Kim, and it terrified him to think about what that meant for his marriage and what it would do to Kim when she found out. He'd been so close to just going home so many times, but he couldn't he would never be able to live with himself, although he wasn't sure he was going to be able to anyway.

He snatched his phone off the nightstand and answered it.

"What do you want?"

"Jenkins wants you and Taylah to go to lunch with him at Giuseppe's"

"What time?"

"1"

"We'll be there" Adam answered and hung up.

Taylah was a nice enough girl, she was shallow as all fuck and her main priority was how she looked but she wasn't intolerable. She was completely different to Kim, and Adam couldn't decide if that made it easier or harder, it was all just so messed up. Taylah was way too skinny, had DD fake boobs and she wore contacts to make her eyes bluer. She also had platinum blonde hair extensions that creeped him out to no end. She was Jenkins' niece, the closest thing he had to a child. She was the apple of his eye, and she'd taken a liking to him instantly. It was only after he learnt about the kidnapping and child trafficking and he'd become desperate for a way in did he entertain the idea of letting her get close to him. It killed him thinking about Kim, he just hoped that she would understand, hoped that there was a way back from this.

"We?" Taylah asked as she ran her hand up and down Adam's back, goose bumps appearing in their tracks, Adam internally winced and told himself it was only a few more days, a week at the most.

"Your uncle wants us to have lunch at a place called Giuseppe's?"

"Oh yeah, I love that place. Almost as much as I love you" She said kissing his neck, she'd started saying stuff like that a couple of days ago and Adam had been ignoring it, he was hoping he'd be out of this place before she asked him to say it back. Even though it would just be another lie, he never wanted to utter those words to any other woman than Kim.

"Must be pretty good huh?" He laughed as he stood up and walked to the bathroom, as much as he hated this it had worked in the cases favor, Adam had spent the last 5 weeks in Florida with Jenkins top men and Taylah. He had learnt most of the auctioning took place here. They were having a party in the next few days on one of Jenkins yachts, it was the first one Adam was going to be at, and keeping his cool was getting a lot harder, the more he knew, the worse it got. He needed out, he couldn't hold it together much longer.

 _"_ _I'm serious Kyle, if it doesn't happen at this party, I'm made. I won't watch any of the these kids go off with these sick fucks" Adam was shaking he was so angry, his handler had just told him that they needed more evidence, that they needed the party to happen and then at the next one they would get them. Up until this point there had been no opportunity for him to save any of the kids being taken, he knew he wouldn't be able to control himself._

 _"_ _Look calm down, you have to listen to me" Kyle reasoned._

 _"_ _No, I'm serious, you don't make it happen, you're whole fucking case is going to be blown" Adam said looking over his shoulder. "I can't keep doing this to my wife either, I just can't"_

 _"_ _Alright, I'll make it happen. Does the girl know anything?"_

 _"_ _Nah, she thinks it's drugs"_

It made Taylah just that little more tolerable, he didn't think he could have pulled the relationship off if she knew what her uncle was really into.

 **A/N - I know, I know! It's horrible, but if there is ever a forgivable circumstance for it, it has to be this one, right? - I'm thinking I might have to do some 'fluff' flashbacks throughout the fallout, to get our burzek hearts through. lol**

 **Don't hate me!**


	3. Chapter 3

The sting had gone perfectly; well almost perfectly. Some FBI agent didn't get the memo that Adam was an undercover so he'd be subjected to the same beating that everyone else had gotten.

He was covered in bruises from head to toe, his left eye having coped what he thought was an elbow. At least it looked extremely believable, he'd been checked out by a doctor and he just had a few cracked ribs and a concussion, nothing he hadn't had before.

 **…**

Kim was an excited ball of energy. Adams handler had called, the case was over. They had done their bust last night and Adam was on his way home, he was being brought to the district sometime this afternoon.

"Well there's the smile we've been missing" Erin said as Kim bounced into the bullpen.

"What's got you so happy?" Jay asked

Kev turned around and the second he looked at Kim he knew, the only thing she'd be that happy about was Adam.

"He's coming home?" He asked grinning.

"Yep. He'll be here this afternoon, bust was done last night" Kim declared happily.

Everyone was celebrating and talking about how Kim should tell him, they all wanted to see his face.

"Al, what's up?" Kim asked when everyone had returned to work, Al had been quiet and he looked concerned.

"Nothing, I'm good" Kim narrowed her eyes at him conveying she didn't believe him, Al sighed. "Sometimes these undercover cases can be tough Kim, I just hope he's doing ok, mentally you know. We have no idea what he's been involved in, I don't want to worry you, I just don't want you to be blindsided either" Al said leaning over his desk.

"He'll be okay Al, we'll help him" Kim smiled "I'm just glad he's going to be home, he's never leaving again" she half laughed.

 **…**

Kim stared at the files… they were addressed to Adam and the return address was the FEDS office downtown.

They were his case files… she knew she shouldn't open them… everyone else had been called out on a case and she couldn't stop thinking about how Adam was going to be, mentally, she'd been told he was physically ok.

"Thanks Al" she muttered to herself

She had no idea what he had been doing, what he'd had to be exposed too and all the answers to her questions were inside these files. She read the address and smirked slightly to herself.

Officer Ruzek

Intelligence Unit

21st District Chicago Police Department.

She was technically Officer Ruzek and she was in the intelligence unit… she hastily open the files and started reading.

Her heart broke when she read what he'd been put in to, she read about how he'd been let in only halfway and she knew how hard that would have been for him. How desperate he would have been to find a way to stop it, but being helpless to know the important details he needed.

She felt a lump form in her throat as she stared at the page, re reading the same sentence over and over again.

'Started a relationship with Taylah Jenkins, niece of Carlos Jenkins.'

She felt her stomach start to tie itself into knots, and it only got worse the further she went. She couldn't read anymore, she closed the files shut and pushed herself up grabbing her things and rushing out of the bullpen throwing the files on Adams desk as she left.

By the time she'd reached the bottom of the stairs in the lobby she was a sobbing mess, she pushed past Kevin coming back in.

"Kim" Kevin called after her. She didn't stop so he followed her out to the car quickly.

"Kim, where are you going? Is it Ruzek? Is he alright?" Kevin panicked

"I'm sure Adam is just fine. My marriage, not so much" she choked out, feeling as though she could curl up in a ball and cry for days.

"What? He's back already?"

"No he's not. He cheated on me Kevin"

Kevin stood shocked, surely she'd got it wrong. And how did she know that if he wasn't back. Kim took Kevin's shock as the opportunity to quickly get in her car and drive off.

 **…**

He'd been in the back of the van for 7 hours after having flown into Nashville as an extra precaution.

He'd wanted to call Kim as soon as he got off the plane but his handler had advised him it was better just to not make any contact with anyone until he was back, it was major overkill, but it was for everyone's safety, so he agreed.

Kyle had let Kim know he was on his way home.

The van pulled up to the district roll up and the door flung open.

"Tell me she's got it wrong man" Kev said angrily as he stepped out of the back of the van. It wasn't the welcome he was expecting at all.

"She knows?" Adam said with fire in the back of his throat.

"You got about two seconds to explain yourself Ruzek or I'm going to start throwing hands and I guarantee you they are going to connect with your jaw, I don't care if you've already taken a beating" he said noticing his bruised up face.

"I had to man, it was the only way to take them down, they weren't just drug dealers, they were kidnapping and trafficking kids. Most of them to pedophiles, I had to, I hated it, it meant nothing I swear." Adam said, he felt the bile rising from his stomach into his throat. "Where is she?" Adam asked desperately looking around.

"She left… she's a mess"

"Fuck" Adam yelled punching the cage his ribs screaming in protest at the quick movement.

"How did she find out?"

"Files got sent over from the Feds."

Adam released a string of curse words and took off; he needed to find his wife.

 **…**

"Where is she?" Adam barked at Kelsey when he saw Kevin and her pull up to the house, he was at least relived to find that Kim hadn't taken any of her stuff from the house but he had no idea where she had gone and she wasn't answering her phone.

"I don't know Adam, maybe you shouldn't have cheated on her and we'd all know" Kelsey snapped

"Babe, don't" Kevin warned he'd read the case files after Adam took off not being able to stop himself anymore, he'd spent the last half an hour explaining to Kelsey that it was an impossible situation to be put in. Which had resulted in them having an argument about what he would have done in that situation. Kevin had stupidly admitted he would have done this same thing. He regretted that the second it left his mouth.

"Don't babe me Kevin. You are already on thin ice"

"Have you heard from her?"

Kelsey shook her head

"She must be at her sisters, I'm going over there"

"What if she hasn't told them Adam? You turn up there back from undercover and she doesn't want to talk to you, Tom and Liana will throw you out and it will make it harder for Kim"

"So what? I just sit here and wait for her to come home? I need to see her, I need her" Adam felt himself breaking down, Kelsey walked into the kitchen, she re appeared a few seconds later and shoved an ultrasound picture at Adams chest.

"What you need is the least of anyone's worries Adam."

"She's pregnant?"

Kelsey nodded, Kevin shook his head at her, it wasn't their place to tell him that.

"She was so excited to tell you Adam, she hated you were gone for everything. I can't even imagine how hurt she would be" Kelsey said sadly.

"What am I going to do?" Adam dissolved into tears.

"You could always try not sleeping with other people" Kelsey muttered

"Babe. Stop"

"Whatever. Stay here with him tonight; make sure he actually leaves her alone. She deserves at least a night to get her head around this" Kelsey snapped walking out.

"You want a beer?" Kev asked

Adam scrubbed his hand over his face "I can't lose her Kev, I love her so much. I tried for weeks to get in, it was the only way, trust me I looked for others."

"I know bro, but I'm not the one you need to convince. I hope you can get her to forgive you, she needs you Ruzek" Kev sighed and handed him a beer "She didn't do well without you"


	4. Chapter 4

**I've just uploaded Chapter 3 as well, so make sure you read that one before you read this one.**

Kim sat down at her desk; she'd spent the night at her sisters and decided against saying anything, at least not yet anyway.

She hadn't answered any of Adams calls and she had deleted his messages without reading them, in hindsight she wished she'd at least read them.

Kim was the first one in and she enjoyed the quiet, she knew that as soon as anyone turned up she was going to have to start dealing with the mess that was her marriage.

She didn't even know if someone had told him she was pregnant, she didn't want to tell him, she'd hoped he'd just seen the ultrasounds on the fridge. He would be an amazing father, what had happened wouldn't change that but it had changed just about everything else.

Kim heard the gate buzz and suddenly became increasingly aware of her own heartbeat. She busied her hands with paperwork and kept her head down. She didn't even know if he'd be into work today, she prayed he wouldn't be though.

"Kim. We were all so worried about you. Are you okay?" Erin's voice flooded her ears and she felt herself relax just a bit.

"I'm fine."

"It's okay not to be fine. I don't think I would be. Adams definitely not" Erin said after she walked over as sat on the corner of Kim's desk.

Kim tensed at her words

"I don't care how Adam is Erin" it was a lie, she did care, but she didn't want to. She was going to try her hardest not to.

"Did you read the whole case file?" Erin asked cautiously, she didn't want to upset her any more than she was but she was hoping she was at least informed of the whole situation.

"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to do my job" Kim snapped. Picking up the files she was working on and walking down the back stairs.

 **…**

Adam felt a wave of relief wash over him when he saw her SUV in the parking lot. He needed to see her, while he knew it wasn't going to be the happy reunion he was hoping for, he needed to lay eyes on her.

Adam hated he hadn't been here for her, Erin had told him about the morning sickness, and that she tried to hide it from everyone because she wanted him to know first. He hated the idea of her in the field trying to hide it, what if something had happened to her or the baby? It would have been another thing he couldn't forgive himself for.

He decided to walk in the back, not wanting to face Platt, he didn't know if she knew yet. But if she did, he'd get a mouthful from her and while he knew he deserved it, it wasn't something he could deal with right now.

He drudged through the roll up and into the stairwell. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her half way down the staircase holding a heap of files.

"Hey" Adam managed to get out, he'd thought of a million things he was going to say to her over the last 2 months, but now she was here standing in front of him. All he could get out was that.

Kim swallowed the lump she'd become all too familiar with and finally made eye contact with him. He had dark circles under his eyes, he looked like he'd lost weight and he had a nasty black eye.

"You look terrible… you lost weight" Kim said frowning

"Didn't feel too much like eating… or sleeping for that matter"

"Well I'm glad you found something to pass those sleepless nights away" Kim snapped instantly regretting it, she didn't want to talk about it. "Are you okay? That's a decent black eye"

"That's the least of my worries right now"

"I have to go cross reference these" she went to move around him.

"Kim. Please" Adam said moving in front of her and then noticing her stomach "You're showing…" he wanted to reach out and touch it, or pull her into his arms, but her body language and demeanor let him know that would not be welcomed.

"I have to work… I'm not doing this here" she felt relief that he at least knew and she didn't have to be the one to tell him.

"You didn't come home last night… We need to talk, if not about us at least about the baby"

Kim closed her eyes, moving her hand instinctively over her bump and took a deep breath.

"I have a doctor's appointment today. 12.45, at Med, with Dr Stevens. You can meet me there if you want to"

"Of course I want to. Can I drive you?"

Kim shook her head no "I'm having lunch with Kelsey before, I will meet you in the suites"

"Can we talk after?" Adam asked hopeful

"I don't know, I really have to get these done" she said holding the files up.

"Ok. I love you, and I missed you like crazy… I know that everything is a mess right now, but I'm so happy you're pregnant." Adam said softly he knew she wouldn't give him anything back, but he needed her to know. She nodded and stepped around him. Adam watched her walk out of the stairwell. He wanted his wife to be happy, he wanted to be happy, he wanted to forget about everything that had happened while he was undercover. He wanted to go back in time and never leave.

Kim walked into the down stairs office and closed the door leaning back against it. She tried her hardest to keep the tears from falling, tried to push everything away, tried to clear her mind but she couldn't. She felt a sob come from inside her and she broke down. Seeing Adam had hurt more than she imagined, she missed him so much, all she wanted to do was fall into his arms but she couldn't get the images of him with another woman out of her head. The case file had included pictures of 'Taylah Jenkins' now all she could think about was her with Adam.

She was thankful she'd put her keys in her pocket, she pushed open the door and walked out the roll up. She had to get away from here, she couldn't stand to be in the same building as him, and she had to get a grip on her emotions before this appointment this afternoon.

 **…**

"What are you going to do?" Kelsey asked sadly, her heart broke for Kim, for both of them really after calming down and thinking overnight, she could see how Adam came to his decision.

"I don't know, it hurts to even think about him right now. This morning seeing him?" Kim paused "It was horrible"

"Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked feeling helpless.

"Go back in time and make me never agree to let him go?" Kim said sarcastically

"Does he know about your appointment?"

"Yeah, he's meeting me here. What happened doesn't change the fact that we're having a baby. He deserves to be at the appointments if he wants to be" Kim said shrugging.

"He loves you."

"I know" Kim looked down at her watch and saw the time, she said goodbye to Kelsey and headed to the Drs office.

 **…**

Adam was already there waiting for her, she gave him a half smile, let the receptionist know she was there and then stood looking at the pamphlets, she couldn't bring herself to sit next to him, to be that close but she didn't want to awkwardly sit away from him either..

"Mrs Ruzek" Dr Stevens called from the door, Kim smiled and motioned Adam to follow as she walked into the room.

"Oh you must be Adam, I have heard so much about you. You're wife has been very keen for you to get home. It's nice to meet you" he said putting out his hand.

"Nice to meet you too" Adam said awkwardly shaking his hand. He was pretty sure Kim wished he was still away now she knew everything.

"You know the drill now Kim, I'll be back in a minute"

Kim suddenly felt self-conscious, she felt completely ridiculous, Adam was her husband, he'd seen her naked a million times. But all of a sudden, now, she didn't want him to see her.

Adam saw the hesitation, but had zero clue as to what was going on.

"You okay?"

"I have to get undressed…" Kim said nervously. Adam got a sinking feeling and he knew she didn't want to get undressed in front of him. He turned around and tried to control his emotions.

Kim quickly stripped off and put the gown on and slipped the sheet over her bottom half for extra protection.

"I'm finished" Kim said and then bit the inside of her cheek. She was seconds away from breaking down, she had spent months imagining the first appointment Adam could come to, this was the furthest thing from what she'd imagine.

"I hate this" Adam said sitting on the seat next to the bed. Kim bit her tongue and looked away saying nothing, she only had snarky remarks for that and that wasn't going to help the situation. As much as this hurt, she didn't want to fight with him.

Adam awkwardly sat at her side while the Dr dug around in her girly bits, he was not a fan of that and he was even less of a fan of the way Kim moved and winced like it was uncomfortable.

"You feeling ok today Kim?" The Dr asked concerned as he looked at the blood pressure monitor

"That's not a good number is it?" Kim asked already knowing the answer.

"It's not brilliant" he frowned "any reason?"

"A few family issues" Kim said vaguely

"What's wrong?"

"Kims blood pressure is really high, can be a cause for concern in pregnancy. I want to get a urine sample just to be sure, but you need to stay calm Kim. Relax. Let the family sort themselves out." Kim nodded with tears in her eyes, it wasn't that simple. She wished it was.

"Stress, that causes it?" Adam swallowed hard

"More often than not, it can be something called pre-eclampsia but it's a little too early to be seeing that. Stress is more likely right now"

Adam didn't think it was possible to hate himself any more than he already did. He was wrong; he was now hurting Kim and the baby physically with what he'd done.

Neither of them said anything as Kim got dressed, Adam turning around the second the doctor walked out and waiting for Kim to say she was good to leave.

"How can I help you stress less?" Adam finally broke the silence when they got to Kim's car.

"I think I might go see my parents for a few days…"

"Kim, please don't"

"I need to focus on the baby, and being healthy"

"So let me help"

"You can't help me Adam. The only thing I really need at the moment… is space from you." Kim wiped her eyes pointlessly, new tears took the previous ones place in just seconds "I love you Adam, that hasn't changed but, I just. I need some time"

"I didn't want to, and she meant nothing, you have to know that"

Kim nodded, she didn't know if she really believed him, but she wanted too. She desperately wanted too.

Kim said goodbye, letting Adam kiss her cheek and promising to be back for her scan in a few days. Adam watched her car pull out of the car park wondering how he'd managed to make a mess of his relationship with Kim again.

 **A/N - Next chapter they will find out if it's a boy or girl and there is nice conversation/s between them! I promise!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Happy New Year everyone :). Let's hope 2017 is better than 2016!**

Kim had spent the two hour long drive to her parents crying, being trapped inside her own head for that long had not helped how she was feeling and it had shown when she finally arrived.

She was glad she had the pregnancy and her parents thinking Adam was still undercover to hide behind. It was obvious to her parents she was upset, but she didn't want them to know the real reason why. She needed to navigate this without the influence of her parents or anyone really.

It was the early hours of the morning and she was still yet to get any sleep. The bed that was in her childhood bedroom felt like it was made out of clouds, it didn't seem to help though. The blondie and Adam show was replaying over and over in her head and she couldn't find a way to turn it off, her imagination was a cruel and vivid bitch and it was in fine form at the moment.

Kim stared at her wedding and engagement rings, she was so used to wearing them she never noticed them anymore, until now, now they burned into her skin and felt like they weighed a tonne.

Her doctor's appointment was tomorrow morning, she had been away three days and now she only had one more day away from Adam before she had to go back and face her marriage... properly this time.

Kim had called Adam's handler from the FBI and asked for a copy of the case file, while he had said no originally, he'd called back a few hours later and let her know he was organizing someone to drop them to her at her parents. He'd obviously spoken with Adam and a short time later she'd received a message from him which confirmed it.

 ** _Anything more you want to know, you just have to ask._**

Kim was almost certain Adam had no idea how much that message meant to her. As much as she knew it would hurt, she didn't want to just bury her head in the sand, she needed to know everything, and the fact that Adam wasn't trying to hide anything made it just a little bit easier.

She stared at the file sticking out of her bag, it had arrived yesterday afternoon and she was still yet to even open it.

She didn't really know how much more would be in there then she had already read, but she needed to try to get a better understanding. She was hoping to find something that would help her believe that this woman had meant nothing to Adam, that it really was just about the case.

 **…**

Adam was pacing the hallway of the house, it was 9.30 and Kim's appointment was at 11.30. He had been ready and showered for an hour now and was wishing the time away.

He had somehow managed to restrain himself to sending her only two text messages a day, one in the morning and then one again at night.

She'd asked for space and he was trying his hardest to respect that, but this was it. She couldn't have any more space now, now he was going to fight for her.

He had hoped she was going to come home yesterday afternoon but she had stayed the night at her parents again, he checked the time for the tenth time in as many minutes, feeling deflated when he saw only a couple of minutes had gone by.

Adam had spent the days Kim was away doing every task that Kim had pretty much ever asked him to do.

He cleaned out the garage, re-painted the fence and various other mundane tasks he'd been putting off.

Adam walked down the hallway and into the room that used to be his gym and nervously inspected it.

 _"Darlin you know how much I love you huh?" Adam asked out of the blue while they were cuddled up on the couch._

 _Kim smiled "I do... but what do you want?" she raised her eyebrows at him questioningly_

 _"A baby… I think we should have a baby" Adam stated casually, he knew Kim wanted to have a baby but she hadn't admitted it, well not to him at least._

 _Kim turned in his arms to face him "What? Where is all this coming from?"_

 _"Me... I've been thinking about it for a while now… I think we would be awesome at it" Adam still hadn't wiped the smirk off his face_

 _Kim let out a small laugh "Making the baby or having the baby?"_

 _"Having… I don't think about the making, I know we're awesome at that part" he winked and Kim threw her head back and laughed at him loudly. "I'm serious, what are we waiting for? We have been in the house for a year now and we're married, I really want to have a baby with you" Adam changed his tone to let her know he was dead serious._

 _"You reckon we are ready for it? Sleepless nights? Dirty diapers? I'd have to stop work, can we afford that?" Kim's mind was racing a mile a minute, she wanted a baby, she'd wanted a baby for almost a year now, but now it was actually going to happen she was a bit panicked._

 _Adam saw the panic on her face and kissed her forehead, she was such a worry wart "You know we can afford it, and I'm so ready for all that because I have you to do it with me... Darlin we can handle anything so long as we are together. I don't do well without you; you really are my other half"_

 _"Can we make the gym the nursery?" Kim asked, like it was going to be a deal breaker, like she needed convincing, they both knew she didn't._

 _Adam dramatically sucked in a big breath "gee maybe the baby isn't a good idea right now" Kim smacked his arm as he laughed at her "We can definitely make the gym the nursery, I'll even paint it whatever color you want"_

 _"Yellow and Green and one of those cute wallpaper borders" Kim beamed excitedly._

 _"Oh you haven't thought about this at all have you?" Adam chuckled sarcastically "Wait, why not pink or blue?" he asked with raised eyebrows._

 _"When we have the next one it will need to be gender neutral" Kim said as a matter of factly._

 _Adam laughed loudly "Next one? I've created a monster" He pulled her into his lap kissing her. "Lucky we brought a big house" he mumbled against her lips "never too early to start trying right?" Kim squealed as Adam picked her up and carried her to their bedroom._

Adam lent against the door frame looking at the room, he'd cleared all the gym equipment out and it was now pretty baron except for the rocking chair he'd went and got from his Pops house.

He didn't know if Kim was going to like that he'd picked the shades of yellow and green without her, but he'd taken the swatches from the hardware to a baby shop and asked a lady there for help. He'd picked out a boarder for the room that had cartoon baby otters on it, the ones at the zoo always calmed Kim and he had read that the nursery should be a calm room. He was really hoping he hadn't missed the mark completely. While he knew none of this was going to fix the situation, he was sure hoping it would at least make her smile, even if just for a moment.

 **…**

Kim walked into the clinic and saw Adam right away, he was engrossed in a parenting magazine and she smiled.

She let the receptionist know she was there and took a deep breath walking over to him.

"Hey" she said when he didn't notice her.

Adam's head shot up "I didn't even hear you come in, how are you?"

"I'm okay you?"

"I miss you... so terrible" Adam answered honestly

Kim looked at the open magazine hoping for a way to re direct the conversation. He was reading '15 ways to support her during pregnancy', well no redirection there she thought sarcastically.

"I've sucked so far so I figure some pointers can't hurt right?" Adam scoffed seeing her looking at it.

Kim gave him a half smile and picked up her own magazine and started reading.

After a few moments she finally spoke again "I was thinking, maybe we shouldn't find out the sex today"

"Why?" They were both not the most patient people, they had often talked about how people managed to wait til the birth.

Kim nervously played with her hands, there was no easy way to say what she was thinking, she didn't want to hurt him and she knew this would. "I just… I think we should wait a while, I don't want to get such exciting news when things are… what they are" Kim swallowed hard, trying to control her emotions.

Adam nodded, feeling as though he'd just been gut punched.

He raised the magazine slightly at her and gave her a half smile "Number 7 – Be understanding"

"Thank you" Kim said barely above a whisper

Adam nodded and started reading the magazine again, if he kept talking to her he was going to break down.

"Kim Ruzek"

They were lead into a small dark room and Kim was weighed and her blood pressure taken. It was still a bit higher than they liked but it was lower than it had been, so that was something. He mentioned her weight gain was below average and Adam made a mental note to get her eating more.

"Do you want to know the sex?"

"Are you able to put it in an envelope? We don't want to know right now, but we might soon" Kim answered

Adam was at least a little encouraged by that, hopefully they'd need the envelope sooner rather than later.

"Sure, let's get started then. This will be cold" he said as he squeezed the gel onto Kim's stomach.

Adam stared at the screen in amazement when he saw what was clearly their baby. He looked over at Kim who was watching him smiling, it didn't matter what was going on between them, Adam seeing their baby for the first time was definitely something Kim wanted to smile about. He looked back at the screen as a thumping noise filled the room.

"Is that the heartbeat? Is that normal? It sounds fast" Adam asked anxiously

"Textbook" the sonographer answered blankly clicking away measuring different things.

Kim could see Adam wasn't comforted by that "textbook means perfect babe, it's fine" she said touching his hand without thinking. After the words left her mouth she pulled her hand away quickly as if she'd touched something hot.

Adam groaned internally and looked back at the screen, everything was a mess, but seeing their baby on the screen made him feel like something in his life was perfect.

Adam walked Kim back to her car, making small talk asking about her parents and how her few days had been. When they got to the car Kim turned to him.

"I don't even know what to say, or how to even talk start talking about this" Kim finally said clenching her teeth together as hard as she could, it was a way to keep from falling apart and it seemed to be working at the moment.

"I'm sorry"

Kim sighed and nodded, she knew he was sorry, she needed to hear more than just sorry...

"I just don't understand how you did it? I couldn't have done that to you" Kim choked out, her previous tactics weren't helping and she felt the tears begin to well in her eyes.

"The stuff they were doing... They talked about them like they were animals. I had to; I couldn't have lived with walking away knowing I could have helped… I hate that it had to play out the way it did but we got those scumbags off the streets… There was never a day when I wasn't completely in love with you, or wasn't feeling horribly guilty for what I was doing."

Kim nodded again but didn't say anything.

"Please say something. Tell me what you're thinking" Her silence was killing him. He stared at her, he wanted to touch her, he wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go. It had been months since he'd had her in his arms being this close and not being able to hold her was torture.

"I don't know what to say… I'm proud of you for putting those people away, I read the files. It was horrible, I hate that you even had to be around that… that must have been so hard on you." Kim paused to compose herself, she was crying and it was escalating to sobbing quickly "But every time I look at you, I feel hurt. I don't know how to move past that"

Adam felt his heart break, he hated the idea that even looking at him hurt her, he hated that she even felt hurt at all. He was meant to protect her and he was the one hurting her.

"I really hope you will try. I love you so much"

Kim nodded "I have to get going; I've got to get Zoe. She's having a sleepover tonight"

Adam felt deflated, he loved Zoe but he wanted to talk to Kim, he wanted to work everything out, Zoe being around was going to put a stop to that and he couldn't help but suspect that had been intentional.

"At our house?" Kim nodded "Do you want me to sleep somewhere else?"

"It's your house too Adam… I will sleep with Zoe in the guest room… I haven't told my sister about this either, I don't really need her or my parents weighing in right now… Zoe missed you" Kim stared at the car keys in her hands, her family just assumed Adam was still away, it was going to be a nice surprise for Zoe he was back.

"I missed her too... You aren't staying in the guest room, I will" Adam understood and had expected that she wouldn't want to share a bed with him, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

Kim nodded shifting her weight from leg to leg.

"I will pick up something for dinner, so you don't have to cook"

"Thanks, I haven't been cooking a lot at the moment, smells kind of set off the sickness"

Adam hated that, it meant she probably hadn't been eating a lot which would explain why she hadn't gained as much weight as the Dr wanted.

"Sorry I haven't been here for that… does she still only eat chicken nuggets?"

"It's now specifically KFC nuggets... I really have to go though"

"Ok, well I'll see you at home. I love you" Adam opened the car door for her and he kissed her cheek. Kim tensed and got in the car quickly.

Adam wasn't going to pull away from her, or stop telling her he loved her, he was going to show her how much he loved her, he'd given her the few days she'd asked for and now he was going to fight for her.

 **…**

Adam pulled into the driveway of the house and stared at how perfect it was.

It was the first house they had looked at and they had both fallen in love with it and paid a little over the asking price to get it over another couple.

The house was a deep blue with white windows and a white wrap a round porch, it had a decent back yard and was opposite a park it was everything Adam always dreamed of living in once he had a family. It was perfect. When he'd left for the undercover case he had the perfect marriage too, he just hoped that he could get that back.

"Who's hungry?" He called out as he walked in the door.

"Uncle Adam, you're home" Zoe squealed running to him and throwing herself at him.

Adam stumbled back and lost his breath, his ribs screaming in pain, it had been a few days but he was still incredibly sore. He forced a smile, which Zoe brought and stole the KFC bag from him and rushed back to the couch to watch the rest of the movie they were watching.

"It's more than just your face? What happened?"

"Nothing too bad, just a little scuffle at the bust… had to be believable" Adam shrugged

Kim narrowed her eyes, and moved over to him lifting his shirt so she could see, she gasped. There were huge bruises all down his sides and on his back.

"Oh my god Adam take your shirt off and let me see properly. Did you go to a doctor?"

"Yeah, it's okay, it's not bad, please don't stress about me, you have enough to stress about. Remember what the doctor said about your blood pressure"

"Adam show me" Kim's tone left no room for negotiation. Adam took off his jacket and then his shirt. Kim's stomach dropped, his body was covered in bruises. The tops of his arms had hand print bruises, his chest, his sides, his back, it was covered in deep purple bruising.

"I promise it's not as bad as it looks Darlin" Adam tried to reassure her, she was as white as a ghost. "I went to a Doctor, it's all good, bruising and a couple of cracked ribs, nothing I haven't had before"

"Do you have bruises on the rest of your body too?" Kim was scared of the answer. The details of the bust hadn't been in the file.

Adam didn't want to answer, he had bruising all over his body, it was all so incredibly sore but he didn't want to focus on any of that. He wanted to focus on her, on making her forgive him.

"I do. But not as bad. Come on let's go eat with Tink" he said putting his shirt back on and walking into the living room "Did you leave us any or did you eat it all tinker" Adam joked as he sat next to her on the couch. Kim decided to drop it for now and joined them.

 **A/N Ok, so this chapter didn't go quite as planned, but I did give you the flashback and a kind of nice exchange between them...**


	6. Chapter 6

Any hopes Adam had of Zoe going to bed early had died when Kim agreed to the third movie being put on, she was usually the one trying to get Zoe into bed on time, Adam always pushing for just a little longer until it was hours past her bedtime, but tonight, Kim was the Adam in the situation.

"Do you think it's a boy or girl?" Zoe asked as she rubbed Kim's belly, she had pulled up her shirt and was willing the baby to kick even though she'd been told a million times it was too early.

Adam had never thought he could be jealous of an eight year old girl, turns out he was wrong, he was very much jealous of one right now. There isn't much he wouldn't give to be able to run his hands over Kim's stomach, run his hands over any part of her body really. His body ached for her in the most desperate of ways, but he knew that was a long way off.

"I don't know, what do you think?" Kim really didn't have a 'feeling' either way, she was just hoping for a healthy ten fingers and ten toed baby.

"A girl, I really want a girl cousin"

"I'm with you Tink, a little girl just like your Aunt would be perfect, but no matter what I'll be happy" Adam said smiling at Kim. Kim smiled back and then out of nowhere, she had flashes of Taylah. She felt the same crushing feeling on her chest she had become accustomed to and she cast her eyes downward and away from Adam.

"I think it's time for bed Tink" Kim rested her hand on her nieces' knee before pushing herself up and pulling her shirt back down.

"I don't want to go to bed" Zoe whined

"Come on if you come to bed now, you can sleep with me" she was glad she had kept that ace up her sleeve till now.

"Yay" Zoe yelled "Night Uncle Adam" she called over her shoulder as she ran down the hallway and to the bathroom.

Adam leaned forward putting his head in his hands, he saw the look that flashed across Kim's face and it made his heart ache.

"Night, I'll see you in the morning" Kim had no intention of coming back out, she knew it wasn't fair and they should talk but she was exhausted and didn't feel like she had the strength to deal with it tonight.

"You aren't going to come back out?" he looked up from his hands, he knew the answer, he knew why she'd kept Zoe up later, it was 9.30, a perfectly reasonable time to believe she was tired, unlike if it had been at Zoe's bedtime at 8.

"I'm so tired, the drive back from my parents took it out of me… and I didn't sleep well while I was there"

"And you don't want to be left alone with me"

Kim sighed, she didn't realize she would be that transparent in her plan.

"If we are going to work this out… we need to talk… we can't keep avoiding it… I don't like this anymore than you do"

Kim narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh yeah, it must be really tough for you"

Adam shook his head at her and decided to leave that little gem untouched "Voight will understand if we need to take more time. We don't have to go to work tomorrow… We can just drop Zoe home and then talk"

Kim swallowed hard; she thought he'd have a few more days before she had to worry about him at work "You start work again tomorrow?"

"Yes. So you are going to have to be around me either way"

Kim closed her eyes and took a breath "That's not what I meant Adam, you're quite clearly hurt… you shouldn't be going back to work"

"Desk duty" Adam smirked at her, it was the first time in his career he'd be happy to be stuck at the district.

"I've never seen you smile about that before"

Just as Adam was about to answer, Zoe started yelling from the bathroom.

"I should see what her problem is… Night" Kim said before disappearing up the hallway.

Adam released a string of curse words under his breath, he loved Zoe but her being here was seriously inhibiting him making any progress with Kim.

 **...**

Kim laid awake, staring at the ceiling, this time of night was the worst for her. She missed their pillow talk, the way she would lay in his arms until sleep finally took over, or Adam's advances for something more came to fruition.

Kim heard footsteps coming down the hallway. She had made a point not to close the door, the divide between them was big enough without closed doors.

"Are you awake?" Adam whispered

Kim squeezed her eyes closed, not saying a word, after a few moments she heard him walk away, followed by the back door sliding open and then closed again.

She chewed on her bottom lip, feeling guilty about pretending to be asleep. She looked at Zoe sound asleep and crept out of the bed. She walked into the kitchen and peeked out the window to see Adam lying in the middle of the backyard.

Kim took a deep breath and forced herself to move in his direction. It was becoming apparent sleep wasn't going to happen for her; maybe talking to him would help.

"I thought you were asleep" Adam breathed out when she got to him, it was obvious he knew she was faking.

"Sorry" Kim laid down next to him closer than either of them expected her to. Silence fell between them and they both stared up at the night, neither sure who should go first or what they should even say.

"So I went to get the Pilates ball out of the gym this afternoon" She'd burst into tears when she'd seen the room, it was better than she could have ever imagined. He'd picked the most perfect shades of yellow and green, the green was below the boarder and the yellow above. She had ran her fingers over the boarder smiling, he knew everything about her and he loved her so much. She had known in that moment she would find a way to live with this mess, she just needed to figure out how. "I love everything about it, thank you"

"I was hoping you'd like it… I read somewhere that the nursery should be the calmest room in the house, I figure with you being a worry wart we were going to need to calm you when you're in there. Otters seem to help"

"You calm me too you know" Kim softly nudged him with her arm.

Adam scoffed at that "I used too, now I send your blood pressure sky high"

They both fell silent staring into the sky

"It sounds corny but I would go out in the middle of the night and stare at the stars, you always love lying under the stars. It made me feel closer to you somehow, it sounds dumb, but it helped"

Kim felt all the air leave her lungs, he always found a way to do that to her and when she was least expecting it too. She'd had the same feeling when she walked into the nursery this afternoon.

"I don't think it sounds dumb at all" Kim said rolling her head to the side to look at him, Adam's eyes still trained intently on the sky above him. "What made you decide you had to do it? It was all so horrible, but there had to have been a tipping point"

"I got called to a poker game because one of the henchmen was out sick. On the table there was a little girls photo, she was only about five... I found out after that they always had two photos; one before they were taken and one they'd take after they kid-napped them. She had these big brown eyes and I'll never forget the look in them." Adam paused shaking his head like he was trying to get the image out of his mind.

The expression on his face broke her heart, he looked so tortured.

"Those big brown eyes had been so bright and alive, and the newest photo… she was terrified... I didn't know where they were holding her, or what was going to happen to her… The next day they talked about how she had gone for good money and that they needed more like her, said it was easier to sell when they looked so natural and innocent" Adams stomach lurched again just as it had when he'd heard them talking. "I couldn't save that little girl… I had to at least try to save more from the same thing… I still see that little girl at night when I sleep, there was so many others Kim, that I didn't know about, that were taken before me." Adam choked out.

Kim had tried her hardest not to cry, but she felt tears escaping her eyes, if it was their baby, their child, she would have wanted someone to do anything to save them, to stop the monsters responsible.

"She meant nothing, after the first time" Adam sucked his teeth not even wanting to say it out loud "I barely ate once it started. I hated what I was doing, but trust me when I say if there was another way I would have done it. I hated every second Kim, I would dream about you and wake up and be so disappointed in myself" Adam stared at the stars not daring to look at Kim. Silence fell between them again, Adam too scared to ask her what she was thinking, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"You wouldn't be you if you hadn't of done it." Kim finally managed to get out, she wasn't sure her voice was going to cooperate. She paused and then moved her hand to intertwine with Adam's still staring at the stars "As much as it hurts, I understand" Kim moved her head onto Adams chest and he felt a wave of relief wash over him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, ignoring his chest screaming in pain.

"I love you so much Darlin" Adam whispered into her hair.

Kim reached into the pocket of her robe and pulled out the envelope the sonographer had given her earlier.

"Do you want to know?" she asked rubbing her stomach

"Of course I do, are you sure you want to though?" Adam asked, he hoped like hell she was but he didn't want her to regret it.

Kim sat up and crossed her legs and Adam propped himself up on his elbows hating that she wasn't still in his arms "I love you. Too much to let this come between us." Kim paused "You have to promise me something though"

"Anything"

"Never again Adam… You can't go undercover like that again…. Ever" Kim was serious, she couldn't do it again, if she was honest with herself even if everything with Taylah hadn't of happened she probably still would have felt the same way.

"Never baby, I swear. I have zero interest in going back undercover or being away from you ever again."

"Then yes. I am sure" Kim opened the envelope and pulled the paper out, looking at Adam smiling. "Are sure you want to know? Cause it's folded I can just put it back in here" she joked knowing he was itching to know.

"It's been killing me since the second he wrote it down, I even tried to see what he was writting over his shoulder" Adam laughed

Kim smiled when she read it and looked up at him "You are about to be outnumbered"

"A girl? Really?" Kim nodded and Adam reached over and pulled her into his arms. Kim felt herself melt into him and missed the contact when he moved away. Adam's eyes flicked between Kim's eyes and her lips, he wanted to kiss her but he also didn't want to push her, or make her recoil from him.

"She's going to have you wrapped around her finger from the day she's born" Kim smiled looking back up at the stars.

"That she is Darlin, I can't wait to have a mini you. I love you so much" Adam paused staring at how beautiful she looked "We're going to be okay aren't we?" Adam asked nervously.

"We have to be babe, I don't do well without you" she smiled and leaned over capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. Adam moved his hand to her neck and gently pulled her back on top of him ignoring his bodies protests.

"I missed kissing you so much" Kim mumbled out against his lips

"I missed it too Darlin" Adam said moving his lips to her neck, she gently stopped him and rolled off him draping her leg and arms over him.

"You just might have to be a little patient with me… My imagination is a bit of a bitch with this" Kim hated that she couldn't stop herself thinking about it, the last thing she wanted to be thinking about right now was another woman with Adam.

"I will be as patient as you need me to be… that was number 4 on the list. Be patient"

"Oh yeah, what else was on that list?"

"I'm not giving away all my secrets" Adam smiled and stared up at the stars again, for the first time in months he felt like everything was going to be ok.

 **A/N - I'm not wild about this, but I have screwed with it so much because I have read it too many times so I'm just going with this!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm not coping with this no Ruzek business... that picture though!**

Adam shot up in the bed, covered in sweat his heart racing. He looked around the room panicked... it slowly starting to fade as he realized he was in his bed.

"Are you okay Baby?" Kim asked concerned rubbing his back, the contact instantly calming him further.

This was a nightly occurrence since he'd come home and every night it broke Kim's heart. He'd been home just over a month and while things weren't completely back to normal between them, they were pretty close.

"Did I wake you again?" Adam groaned rubbing his face. "Maybe I should sleep in the guest room babe, you're not getting any sleep either"

"Don't be stupid, I don't mind... I would get less sleep if you weren't in here" She said kissing his shoulder. "Was it the same thing?" Kim asked cautiously pushing him to lie back down and cuddling into his chest knowing it helped him calm down, it had taken her a couple of weeks to get Adam to actually tell her what the nightmares entailed, and when she did know, she wished she didn't.

16 children. Adam had seen the photos and auctions of 16 children, who they still had no leads on recovering. No one was talking, Adam called Sargent McKenzie and Kyle daily to get an update, but unfortunately the last couple of weeks there was no progress, everyone was stonewalling and the case was going cold.

Adam would see the faces of the children and especially the little girl who had been identified as Sophie Duncan.

He barely slept longer than 2 hours without waking up in a cold sweat, he was exhausted and Kim was getting worried. He'd been cleared to go back into the field as of two weeks ago and Kim would be lying is she said she thought he was ready. Physically he might have healed but he was struggling worse than ever mentally.

"I just keep thinking I could have done something differently" Adam said into Kim's hair barely above a whisper.

"How? You didn't know where they were babe... you can't keep doing this to yourself. You need to focus on the ones you did save and remember that you were sent in there for a drug ring Adam. The fact that you even uncovered everything else is a miracle in itself" Kim tilted her head to look at him and shuffled up to kiss his lips softly. "I'm so proud of you"

Kim gasped and moved her hand to her stomach, Adams eyes wide like saucers "Was that a kick?" he'd felt what he could have sworn was a kick on his stomach where Kim's was pressed against him.

"It was" she grinned at him grabbing his hand and moving it to her stomach just in time to feel another one.

"I love her so much already" Adam breathed out

"She loves you too, she must be trying to cheer you up" Kim smiled at him running her fingers through his hair.

"Well it definitely worked" Adam dipped his head down to kiss her, getting carried away quickly "I have a way her Mama can help with the cheer up too" Adam wriggled his eyebrows suggestively as he started attacking her neck with kisses.

"Oh well anything I can do to help" Kim giggled out, running her hand down his chest and into his sweatpants.

 **…**

Kim walked into the lobby of the district, exhausted. Between getting up to pee several times, Adam's nightmares, the midnight sex and Adam being called to a crime scene she estimated she'd had about 2 hours sleep.

"Morning Sarge" she huffed as she dropped off one of the many coffees she'd picked up, to Trudy

"You stop and buy people coffee when you can't drink it yourself? You sure are a weird one"

Kim smiled "You're welcome Trudy... Maybe I did something to yours though" she taunted

Trudy eyed her and then sipped the coffee anyway knowing she was just messing with her "How's boy wonder going? He looks like he needs that stuff through an IV, so do you actually"

"He's…. okay." Kim answered unconvincingly "and me? Well, being tired comes with the territory I think" she motioned to her very prominent baby bump. She was amazed at how big she was, and so was everyone else, she looked like she was closer to 30 weeks pregnant than 24.

"You sure you only got one Ruzek in there?"

"Positive, thank god" Kim shuddered at the thought of twins, she was panicked enough with one. Twins would be so much fun after they got older, but the thought of two babies was terrifying. Those parents needed and deserved a medal. "Have a good day Sarge"

Kim climbed the steps into the bullpen handing the coffees around "Where's Adam and Al?" she asked no one in particular.

"They got called to the FEDs office" Jay answered after it became apparent no one else was going to.

Kim narrowed her eyes "They got called, or Adam got called?"

"Not sure" Jay shrugged unconvincingly and quickly left the bullpen to go downstairs.

"Kevin" Kim said her voice low and even, she hated people hiding things from her. Especially when it came to her husband and the FEDS.

"Burgess, I swear all I know is they went downtown to meet his old handler, no idea what's going on" Kevin had his hands up, Kim had acquired the ability to go from laughing to crying to raging in a matter of minutes and he didn't want to be on the end of either of the last two.

Kim clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and tried Adam's cell, annoyed when it went straight to voicemail. She threw her phone on the desk and started her computer trying not to worry too much. She was at least comforted to know Al was with him, in case it was bad news but she was hoping for his sake it was good news.

 **…**

Adam walked out of the downtown office in shock, he couldn't believe what they had just told him.

"You okay Kid?" Al clapped him on the back

"Yeah. I think so, it's just... How do you think Kim is going to take this?" Adam asked his stomach doing back flips thinking about his wife.

"I don't know. It's one thing you're cover being blown but it's another thing doing what they are asking of you… You know you don't have to and no one would think any less of you if you didn't."

Adam nodded "She's a victim too though Al… I didn't feel guilty about lying to her, until now… This is so fucked up"

"What are you going to do?"

Adam shrugged his shoulders and kicked a loose rock on the ground "Talk to Kim, I guess. I just feel like we got some solid ground under us and this has the potential to ruin that"

"You guys will make it through whatever you decide Adam… but I think you need some closure on this. You are killing yourself over this Kid."

Adam nodded, he knew Al was right, he had a chance to find where these kids were and potentially a lot of others. He needed to take that chance, he just hoped to god Kim could see that.

 **A/N - Sorry it's a bit short! Next one will be longer :).**


	8. Chapter 8

Kim was going crazy, Adam and Al had been gone three quarters of the day and the only contact she had with him was a text message that said everything was okay and he would be back at the district soon; that was two hours ago… not soon by anyone's standards but especially not by a hormonal pregnant Kim's standards.

"Kim, seriously you got to stop tapping that pencil, I'm going to go crazy" Kevin put his head on the desk, he'd been biting his tongue for the last 45 minutes but he couldn't do it anymore.

Kim glared at him and tapped it harder and louder for a few moments before throwing it in the pencil cup on her desk and huffing.

"This is ridiculous, what could they possibly be doing? Surely he could have called me"

"Calm down Burgess" Kevin groaned out. "He'll be here when he gets here"

Kim glared at him again for the second time in as many minutes and pushed herself up from her desk "I'm going downstairs to do some filing" she had to get out of the bullpen, she knew she was driving everyone crazy, hell she was driving herself crazy.

…

"How stupid do you have to be to leave the microphone on in to an interrogation room" Adam vented his anger to Al as they walked into the 21st.

He was so angry that his cover was blown and while all she knew was he was a married cop from Chicago, if she wanted to find out who he was. That was enough. At first he was terrified that something was going to happen to Kim but once he'd heard that it was just Taylah who knew, he calmed down a little, he was still worried though. It made doing this and not upsetting Taylah even more important, he was just hoping Kim was going to see that.

"Where's Kim?" Adam asked when he walked back into the bullpen.

"Downstairs, she's going crazy bro, pregnancy hormones are a bitch" Kev laughed "Everything good?"

"Did you just call my pregnant wife a bitch?" Adam laughed back at him, Kev was about the only person who could get away with that.

"No, no I said pregnancy hormones are a bitch… she is a sweet angel… it's the hormones that are not so nice" it wasn't lost on anyone that Adam hadn't answered his question, but Kevin had decided it was better left alone, he'd tell him when or if he needed too.

Erin however wasn't going to cop that "What was the meeting about?"

"I got to talk to Kim" Adam said ignoring her and walking towards the back steps.

"Adam, whatever it is… You can't go back under, not now. You know that right?" Erin said a little too snidely for Adams liking, he was at his tipping point and she was dangerously close to knocking him over.

"Of course I know that Lindsay" Adam snapped back angrily.

Al pushed Adam towards the back steps and away from Erin before it turned into an argument that didn't need to happen. "Go talk to Kim, I'll tell Voight you guys are taking the rest of the day"

…

Kim had calmed down a lot being downstairs, she was still worried but she wasn't so frustrated anymore. She was really hoping Adam was going to get some closure out of this meeting, hoping that even if the news wasn't good at least it would be closure, something he could move on from.

If it wasn't she was going to have to broach the subject of possibly going to talk to Dr Charles, and she knew that wouldn't be taken well.

Adam stood at the door leaning against it watching her work, he loved watching her when she thought she was alone, she always hummed and swayed her hips to music only she could hear in her mind.

Kim had been so much happier the last few weeks and Adam hated that there was a chance this was going to ruin that, he didn't know how much more he could ask of her before she gave up on them, before it was too much for her.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" he finally spoke to let her in on the fact he was there.

She gasped and jumped turning around "Jesus Adam you're going to send me into labor doing that to me" she laughed.

"Sorry Darlin" he said as he walked over to her and kissed her with more intensity than she had been expecting.

Kim could tell something was wrong, she could tell he hadn't received good news. "How bad is it?" Kim felt the lump she hadn't felt in weeks returning.

"We should go home, we have the rest of the day off. We'll talk there" Adam chewed on the side of his lip before saying they'd get her car tomorrow and leading her out the roll up.

…

Kim had been trying to get something out of Adam the whole way home, he insisted that they just wait until they get home though, which now had Kim extremely nervous and a little ticked off.

She stormed into the house and stood in the living room waiting for him to come inside as well.

"Ok we are home, start talking" Kim snapped as soon as the front door had shut.

"They have a lead on the case, a solid lead" Adam started, his hands were sweating and he was nervously bouncing on his feet.

"That's good news though?"

"Yes and no… my cover was blown, Taylah knows I'm a married cop from Chicago." Adam answered watching her carefully. At the mention of her name Adam could almost see Kim's walls go up, her eyes hardened and she took a step back from him.

"What does she have to do with this?" they had made an agreement that they just wouldn't speak about it, nothing more could be gained out of speaking about her. Kim's stomach formed tight knots and she tried to stay as calm as she could.

"She isn't Jenkins niece, she was kidnapped when she was a baby. I guess he bonded with her and decided to raise her as his niece. She was so young; she had no memory of it. She just believed what she was always told. She's willing to testify, to hand all the information over. She knew where all the information was held, after the raid she went through it all and figured everything out"

"What's the catch?" Kim knew there had to be one, and she knew it was going to be a big one.

"She only trusts me. She'll only talk to me, if I agree, they will fly her here so I don't have to leave you again."

Kim stood there in shock.

"And if you don't agree?"

"She doesn't want to do it, she's scared babe, you have to put yourself in her shoes, she's just found out everything she's ever known was a lie. She was taken from her family and who she thought was her uncle had done that and then been doing it to multiple other kids over the years. She feels like she can trust me." Adam said moving closer to try and make up the space Kim had put between them, when he saw the look on her face he knew he hadn't chosen his words well.

Kim put her hands up at him and took another step back "Put myself in her shoes?" Kim said incredulously, was he kidding? She thought to herself bitterly "How about you put yourself in my shoes? My pregnant, my husband slept with this woman shoes… cause those shoes… they suck too" Kim yelled before storming out of the living room and into the bedroom slamming the door shut and locking it.

She paced around the room trying to calm down hoping that Adam might just leave her be for a few minutes at least, she could feel her blood pressure rising and she knew she had to calm down for the baby's sake.

Kim never locked the door before, Adam hated when she even closed the door. He always went on about how shutting him out was how their relationship dissolved the first time and closed doors made him feel shut out, she slammed them often, but she never locked them; but right now, she didn't care, right now; she needed to shut him out.

Adam had heard the door lock, and with that small clicking noise he felt a giant stab in his chest. He let out a long breath before walking up the hallway and knocking lightly.

"Please don't make me pick the lock Kim" Adam said through the door with his forehead resting on it.

"Can you just… give me a minute" Kim answered, trying to keep her voice steady but failing miserably.

"Ok" Adam relented hating the way her voice wobbled; he slid down the door, going against everything in him screaming to just pick the lock, and waited… hoping that when she unlocked the door she wasn't going to have that broken look in her eyes. He promised himself he'd never cause that look again, and while he didn't cause this directly he was still responsible.

…

It had been close to an hour and Kim laid staring at the ceiling, focusing on the crack she'd never noticed; she wondered how long it had been there; had it always been there? Was it just bigger now? The crack was keeping her mind occupied from what it should really be thinking about; her husband; the father of her baby girl; the love of her life was sitting on the opposite side of the locked door.

She didn't want to face him because when she did, she knew what she had to agree to.

She heard the lock on the door un-click... he'd lasted way longer than she expected.

"There's a crack in the ceiling, did you know that? I've never noticed it before" she said when he opened the door.

Adam walked over to the bed and laid down next to her, their king bed never feeling so big.

"Me neither, maybe the rain shifted the house" he answered when he saw the crack.

"Mmm maybe"

"What are you thinking?" Adam asked not sure if he wanted the answer.

"That I should call someone to fix it before it gets bigger" Kim said knowing that's not what Adam meant

"Darlin… please don't shut me out" Adam pleaded desperately "Talk to me"

"You have nightmares every night about these kids… you need to know what happened" Kim hated everything about Adam being anywhere near her again but she knew he had to do it.

"So you're okay with this?"

"No" she answered with a long breath "but what choice is there? Stamp my feet and say no? We both know you have to do it Adam. You will resent me if you don't, and if there is a way to get those children back… well, what type of a person would I be if I didn't support that?"

"I could never resent you Kim" Adam whispered

"You could. And you would. When does she get here?"

"I don't know. I have to agree yet."

"You should go do that." Kim said finally and got off the bed.

"Kim…" Adam moved to follow her, Kim raising her hand to stop him.

"Adam talking about this anymore… it's not going to change anything. Call them" Kim walked out of the bedroom.

Adam laid there staring at the ceiling and the crack that was mocking him.

…

Adam called Sargent McKenzie and told him that he would do it. They organised that Taylah would be in Chicago tomorrow night, Adam insisted he be able to interview her at the 21st, he wanted Kim to be there if she wanted too. He knew if it was her, he wouldn't want to take his eyes off them, he was pretty sure Kim was going to be the opposite though.

Adam walked into the living room to see Kim with her shoes on and her bag on the coffee table.

"Are you going somewhere?" Adam asked nervously.

"Liana is coming to take me to dinner" Kim answered like it was no big deal.

"Kim…"

"Adam, I need to talk to someone who doesn't know about this mess. Please, just let me go without a fuss" Kim pleaded with him

"It will only be a few days, and then she will be back out of our lives. For good." Adam walked over to her and wrapped her up in his arms kissing her hair. "I love you"

Kim nodded as she pulled away trying to wipe her face from the tears streaming down them. "I love you too"

"I'm here are you ready to…" Liana said bouncing in the front door "is everything ok?" she asked once she saw Kim crying.

"Yeah stupid pregnancy hormones" Kim answered wiping her face and walking out the door.

"You okay?" Liana asked Adam

"Yeah. I'm good, getting used to it" Adam joked awkwardly.

 **…**

Kim took a deep breath and climbed the steps of the front porch. The dinner had done exactly what she needed it to do. It had taken her mind off everything, if only just for a while and it had calmed her down. She opened the door surprised to see Kevin on the couch rather than Adam.

"Hey Kev"

"Hey preggers"

Kim glared at him, he was constantly calling her stupid nicknames

"Preggers? That's not as original as some of the others?"

"Well I was going to call you Shamu but I was saving it for when you were bigger" he shrugged as he took another sip of his beer.

"Isn't shamu a whale?"

Kevin grinned at her

"oh you are an asshole Atwater" she laughed shaking her head. "Where is he?"

"Phone" motioned to the back porch where Adam was on the phone. Kim nodded "You okay?"

"No. but whatever right?"

"He hates it too, and he hates how much it hurts you."

Kim nods "I know"

"Alright well I'm going to head off, I'll see you tomorrow" Kev said walking over and kissing Kim's head as he gave her a hug "Everything will be fine, you just concentrate on making my niece perfect" he smiled before walking out the front door and Kim headed to the bedroom to have a shower and get ready for bed, she just wanted this day to end.

 **...**

Kim walked back into the bedroom after having a shower to find Adam waiting in bed for her.

"How was dinner?"

"It was okay, Zoe is losing her mind that she hasn't felt the baby kick apparently" Kim smiled climbing into bed "How long had Kev been here?"

"Not long after you left" silence fell between them and Kim flicked the lamp off, once the room was dark Adam finally broke the silence "I feel like you're going to stop loving me, like you're halfway out the door and it terrifies me" Adam admitted, his eyes beginning to well up.

Kim felt an immense amount of guilt wash over her. He was struggling with so much of this stuff, and while this was hard for her, she often forgot it was hard for him too.

She moved to rest her head on his chest "Not possible. I tried remember" she joked trying to make him feel better.

"Not funny Darlin, not funny at all... I just want to forget about all this, just focus on you and the baby... I hate how stressed you are"

"I'm okay... and we will, this is just another hurdle... We will be okay" Kim tilted her head up and kissed Adam softly "I love you"

Adam moved his hands to her hips and captured her lips in another kiss that quickly turned frantic, only pulling apart when they needed air for their burning lungs "I've never wanted anyone or anything like I want you Kim, and I always will" he said as he tried to catch his breath and ran his hands up her sides.

Kim smiled at him and looked at him through her lashes "Show me" she grinned, Adam growled at her and nipped his way up her neck wasting no time showing her just how much he wanted her.

 **A/N - Struggling would be an understatement with this one! I probably should have planned out this story a little better so bare with me while I proceed to butcher my way through it... I can't decide how I would feel myself placed in this situation and I think that's why the flow is not really there, hoping the next chapter will flow better :)**


	9. Chapter 9

Adam woke up to an empty bed and the sound of the shower running, he rolled over and looked at the time and groaning when he saw it. He had barely been able to get any sleep last night, he felt like he'd only just gone to sleep and now he had to get up.

Taylah arrived in Chicago last night and had asked one of the officers she was under protection from to call Adam and ask him to come see her at the hotel. Adam had obviously said no and told the officers not to call him again about something unrelated to the case, it had Adam nervous for what it is Taylah was going to be expecting when she saw him today. He had made it very clear to Kyle that she needed to be told in no uncertain circumstances that he was very happy with Kim and that she shouldn't be expecting anything more than him to be professional that obviously hadn't sunk in though.

Kim had tried to hide that she was angry about her even asking, but the slamming of the kitchen cupboards and scrubbing of the spare bathroom that was rarely used made it a little obvious.

 _"Darlin you sure you're not mad?" Adam asked from the door way of the bathroom watching Kim scrub an invisible spot off the basin._

 _"Positive. This bathroom is gross though… Do you use it?" she snapped_

 _Adam raised his eyebrows at her "No, I don't and it looks pretty clean to me."_

 _"The place could be a pigsty and you'd still think it looked clean though Adam"_

 _Adam walked over to the window and opened it up to let out some of the fumes he was positive wouldn't be doing her or the baby any favours. "Give me the bleach" Adam said as he walked towards her and took the bleach and the scrubbing brush from her hands. "I will clean this, you go have a bath or read or something to take away the stress" He kissed her on the cheek "Please?"_

 _"I want to punch something… hard" she admitted "But I can't because I'm pregnant"_

 _"I can hold the pads for you and you can punch them if you take it easy?" Adam offered trying to be helpful._

 _Kim glared at him "Yeah I don't want to punch pads Adam" she huffed walking away from him, she wanted to punch something tall blonde and skinny, not some stupid boxing pads._

"Good morning my beautiful wife" Adam said over the top happy when he saw her emerge from the bathroom.

"You should have a shower, you need to leave soon" Kim replied dryly.

"You really aren't going to come?" Adam had spent the last two days trying to convince Kim to at least be at the district when he interviewed Taylah, he wasn't entirely sure why he wanted that, but he knew he did.

"To come meet your girlfriend? I think I might pass on that thanks" she scoffed brushing her hair roughly.

Adam sighed, he was never quite sure which version he was going to get of Kim over the last few days, she alternated between supportive and understanding to bitter and jealous, not that he could blame her, he was almost certain he'd be a thousand times worse in her situation and that was before you even threw in the fact she was pregnant.

He moved off the bed and went to stand behind her wrapping his arms around her and resting them on her swollen stomach "Please don't call her that"

Kim relaxed at Adam's touch and leaned back into him "Sorry" she whispered

Adam kissed her bare shoulder "Why don't you come have a shower with me?" he worked his way up to her neck

"You will be late" Kim said as she rolled her head to the side to let him have better access to her neck.

"I don't care" he mumbled into her neck, feeling her giving in.

"You have to be quick" she warned as she pushed his sweatpants off his hips.

Adam pulled the towel away from Kim's body and covered her lips with his backing her up into the bathroom.

 **…**

Kevin watched from his desk as the woman who had unknowingly almost tore apart his best friend's marriage adjusted her dress and re applied her make up. He wanted to walk over to her and tell her she was wasting her time, that Adam had zero interest in her but he knew he had to be polite and make her feel welcome, she was a victim in all this and she didn't know Adam was married, hell she didn't even know Adam was Adam so it really wasn't her fault.

"Hi I'm Officer Kevin Atwater, you must be Taylah?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen where Platt had put her when she arrived.

"Hi. Yeah I am, where's Ben… uh, I mean Adam. Sorry" she said looking embarrassed

Kevin gave her a half smile "It's all good, he's on his way, just running a little late" he bit his tongue from adding that he was probably waiting on his pregnant wife. "Can I get you anything? Coffee, Water?"

"No… I'm good thanks" she said looking at her hands as she twisted them in her lap "Do you know him? Outside of work?" she asked quietly.

He nodded "Yeah, he's my best friend actually"

She bit her lip nervously "So you know his wife too then?"

Kevin nodded again "Yeah, I do." He answered tensely. "Anyway I was just checking you had everything you needed, Officer Ruzek shouldn't be too much longer" he said before walking out of the kitchen.

 **…**

Adam walked into the kitchen, he was so late, later than he probably should have let himself be but he didn't want to rush, normal Kim would understand it wasn't him rushing off to see Taylah, pregnant Kim would think exactly that. Kim walked out dressed in clothes she wore to work and Adam cocked his head to the side smiling.

"That was some of my best work, I'm glad it won you over" he joked.

"I can go get changed into my yoga pants if you like?" she said dryly pointing to the bedroom

Adam shook his head, wrapping his arms around her and kissed her cheek "Thank you. I love you, I don't know why I want you there so bad, I just do."

Kim nodded, she had decided to go with him because she needed to support him too, not just the other way around "We need to hurry up, we are so late" Kim said pushing Adam towards the front door.

Once they were in the truck and on the way Kim let out a deep breath and turned to Adam "There is nothing you need to tell me right?" she asked nervously.

Adam frowned "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean Adam. I just… if there is anything that might come up or out, I should hear it from you, now." Kim said seriously, she had been trying to find a time to ask this the last few days but every time she went to she backed out.

Adam reached over and put his hand on her thigh and squeezed it "You know everything Darlin, no secrets. I promise" he picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. Kim nodded rubbing her stomach and stared out the window, wishing that the day was over already.

 **…**

 **A/N - thank you all for the reviews and encouragement. I didn't edit this properly, I always mess with chapters so much when 'editing', so forgive any errors. Hope you enjoy! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ruzekless episodes are the worst episodes :(. Here's hoping the next few weeks go quickly!**

Adam walked into the bullpen nervous as all hell, his stomach was wound tight and his palms were sweating.

"Hey, you okay?" Erin asked cautiously when she saw him, he was white as a ghost.

"Yeah I'm good... just want to get this over and done with you know?" he wanted to find out what happened to these children, but he also needed all of this Taylah stuff behind him and Kim. He needed to shut that chapter firmly and never have to see the hurt look in Kim's eyes again.

"How is she?" Erin asked

"She's downstairs with Platt" Adam answered blankly.

Erin nodded and headed downstairs to see Kim.

"She's definitely not you're type" Kev raised his eyebrows as he clapped him on the back "I've counted she's reapplied her makeup 5 times since she's been here bro, and her eyes are creepy" he laughed.

"She has these weird contacts, half her hair is fake too" Adam winced thinking about how much he'd hated those things. "You talk to her?"

Kev nodded "Yeah, doesn't seem like she got the you're happily married message"

"Great" Adam groaned before forcing himself to move in her direction.

 **…**

To say things were tense between Taylah and Adam would have been an understatement. She had all but thrown herself at him the second he'd walked in and Adam had swiftly moved her arms away from him and reiterated what Kyle had already told her.

He was married… and very in love with his wife.

From there, Taylah had spent the better part of an hour yelling, calling him every name that sprung to mind and telling him how terrible of a person he was.

Adam would have taken that ten times over as opposed to what was happening now… Taylah was crying, actually Taylah was sobbing. Adam was a little blindsided by how hard she was taking this and while he knew it was a combination of everything piling on, she seemed to be genuinely heartbroken over him, and that made him feel like shit.

Adam considered patting her back or rubbing her hand or some form of contact in an attempt to comfort her, but thought better of it. He didn't want to give her anything to think there might be a chance he wanted anything to do with her. She was fragile and fragile people clung to the smallest of hopes.

"So what was I to you then?" She asked quietly between sobs.

Adam stared blankly at her, not quite sure if saying the actual truth was a little harsh. When Adam didn't answer she looked up at him and glared.

"Don't answer that actually" she snapped, seeming to go from upset back to angry rather quickly.

Adam pushed his hand through his hair "Are you ready to tell me what it is you know yet?" this wasn't getting them anywhere and he'd listened to her rant and rave for over an hour now… He wanted answers.

"I want to meet her" Taylah said as she wiped her eyes roughly.

"My wife?" Adam asked, his voice going an octave higher than usual

"Yes"

"Not a chance in hell" Adam half laughed

"Well I'm not telling you what I know until I meet her, so looks like we are at an impasse and I'm sticking around" Taylah glared

"You're not a bad person Taylah, and you want to help find these kids too"

"Don't under estimate a woman scorned" She spat back at him.

Adam was taken back by the tone and callousness of her, he glanced out into the bullpen and could see Kim standing behind Atwater's chair reading something on the computer over his shoulder. Taylah followed his eyes and narrowed them at him.

"Is that her?" she asked shocked.

Adam nodded

"She's pregnant?" Taylah felt like she'd had the wind knocked out of her, she suddenly felt guilty and was finally starting to understand that she really was just an unfortunate casualty in this case.

"Yeah, she found out while I was away… Look, I'm really sorry that you got hurt Taylah, but I love my wife more than anything. What happened between you and I would have never happened if I saw any other option at stopping those children from being auctioned off… I know you want to help find these kids, I'm asking you to just drop whatever it is you are trying to do to me, to get back at me and just tell me what you know." Adam pleaded with her.

Taylah wiped her eyes again and reached into her handbag and put a flash drive on the table.

"It's all on there, everything that was on his laptop. It's clients names and numbers, and there is even some information on some of the new identities they gave the children." Taylah said feeling the bile rise up from her stomach and into her throat.

Adam felt a nervous wave of energy run through him "Thank you" he half smiled "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Leave your wife and unborn baby?" she joked awkwardly. Adam stared blankly at her not seeing a funny side to that joke at all. Taylah blushed "Not funny. Sorry… just find those kids, get them back to their families"

"I'm going to try my hardest… what about you? You going to meet your family?"

Taylah took a deep breath and nodded "Yeah, apparently I have 2 sisters and a brother and I have 8 nieces and nephews"

"Well I hope it all works out for you" Adam said standing and offering his hand for her to shake.

Taylah looked at it trying to decide if she wanted to shake his hand or not "Thanks, you too" she said finally taking his hand and shaking it. "Bye Adam" she said sadly.

"Bye Taylah" Adam replied as they walked out of the kitchen. The officer who had brought her to Chicago came over and walked her out.

Kim walked out from Voight's office just as Taylah was walking down the stairs.

"You get everything you need?" Kim asked when she got next to him.

"I think so" he said holding the flash drive up. Kim smiled and kissed him walking back to her desk.

 **…**

Adam walked into the house for the first time in months not feeling like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Since they had got the information from Taylah, they had reunited a lot of the children with their rightful families but Adam had still been focused on the one little girl. Sophie.

Kyle had called him yesterday saying that they had finally found her and asked Adam if he wanted to go and be there when she was reunited with her parents. Adam had been reluctant to go but Kim had convinced him he should.

As soon as he saw Sophie's face and her parents when they saw each other again he knew coming had been the right decision, he felt so guilty about everything that had happened… seeing that happy ending play out in front of him made him feel better about it all.

It was 2 in the morning and he slipped into bed behind Kim and wrapped his arms around her placing his hands over her ever growing bump.

"Mmm you're back" Kim said sleepily moving back into him to get as close as possible.

"I missed you" Adam kissed her shoulder.

"I missed you too" Kim rolled in his arms to face him and kissed him "Did you get what I asked for?" she grinned

Adam rolled over and pulled the photo off the bedside table and handed it to her "Of course I did"

Kim sat up and turned the lamp on. She stared at the photo wide eyed, it was of Sophie, her parents and Adam and they all worn matching smiles, the photo brought tears to Kim's eyes.

"She's beautiful" Kim whispered "Look how happy they are" she ran her fingers over the photo "You're amazing you know that?" she leant over and kissed him. "Even if this was the only family you put back together, it would have been worth it… I love you so much Adam Ruzek" she said as she climbed onto his lap kissing him.

"I love you more" Adam said between kisses

"Not possible" she responded

Adam grabbed her hips and quickly flipped her over so she was on his back and he was hovering above her, being sure to keep his weight off her stomach.

Kim let out a squeal and laughed when the baby started kicking "You woke up the baby"

"Lucky that doesn't mean I have to stop for now" he grinned as he started kissing his way down her neck.

 **A/N - I hated that I brought Taylah back from the second I uploaded it so I wanted to get rid of her quickly, hoping it doesn't seem too rushed... Now I can focus on the Burzek baby ;)..**


	11. Chapter 11

**Anyone else feel like time is standing still waiting for Ruzek to come back from undercover :(... Hopefully it will be worth the wait, much like I hope this chapter is ;)**

Adam laid in bed with one of his hands resting on Kim's stomach. Now that she was 33 weeks pregnant the moves were very obvious and Adam was sure he would never get tired of feeling their baby move.

It had been just over 2 months since Taylah had left their lives for good and things were back to normal, if not even stronger than they had ever been.

Adam often found himself lying in bed watching her sleep, counting his lucky stars that everything worked out.

His nightmares had disappeared once Sophie had been reunited with her parents, he'd gone to a couple of informal sessions with Dr Charles at a diner near the district but it became pretty apparent to both Adam and Dr Charles that he didn't need them.

Adam felt a huge movement under his hand "Geez little girl you move like that and you're going to wake up your Mommy" he whispered moving to kiss where he had felt the movement.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Kim grumbled without opening her eyes

"I went to the toilet and then got distracted" Adam smiled kissing her lips

"By what?" Kim groaned, she wanted to still be sleeping.

"My princess putting on a dance party in here" he laughed rubbing her stomach "I love feeling her kick and roll"

Kim hummed "I'd prefer it if it wasn't on my bladder though" she grumbled climbing out of the bed to go to the toilet.

When she walked back into the room Adam was sitting up against the headboard of their bed.

"Why do you look like you're up for the day?" Kim whined climbing back in next to him and laying her head in his lap.

Adam laughed, she was even less of a morning person since she'd become pregnant than she was before "Do we have any plans today?"

"Breakfast with your mother, and then a bit of shopping"

"When did we agree to that?" Adam loved his mother, but he had other plans for today and they didn't account for that.

"She guilted me into it yesterday when she called, I stupidly mentioned we'd had dinner with your Dad"

Adam groaned, his parents had made every milestone in his life unbearable since the split when he was 13. He'd hoped that when they'd learnt Kim was pregnant things would get better, but her refusal to come to Adam's birthday party last month had squashed that hope.

"I need to go have some toast or I'm going to be sick" Kim said sitting up knowing she wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep. She had to eat within 15 minutes of waking up or she'd end up light headed and nausea, another gem people left out when describing how wonderful pregnancy was.

Adam quickly sent a message to Kelsey about the small change in plans and followed Kim out into the kitchen.

 **…**

"She's kidding right? She can't be serious" Kim scoffed "Why didn't you say no?" They had just come from breakfast with Adam's mother, and while they had always had a good relationship, this baby was bringing light to a side of Stacey she hadn't seen before and it wasn't flattering. She'd never been the interfering type until now.

Kim was not looking forward to once the baby actually arrived, she had a feeling she was going to be a 'my way is best' type person always around with a better way to do things.

Adam followed her into babies r us shaking his head "Darlin, you said it was fine… you said you could use all the help you could get" He was confused, he'd been confused when Kim had agreed to his mother being in the delivery room and now he was equally as confused as to how this was his fault.

"Yeah, from my Mom and Liana, I don't need your Mother seeing me like that" Kim cringed at the things she would see, she wasn't a prude by any means but her mother in law wasn't someone she needed seeing all her birthing glory "I swear that woman will just critique everything I do in there anyway"

"Come on, she's not that bad" Adam defended

Kim stared him down "Not that bad? Adam the woman just told me that the one cup of coffee I have a day is selfish"

"She was joking Darlin"

"No, she might have said it jokingly… but she was dead serious"

"Well I don't want her in there" Adam said his hands going to his chest "I actually thought it would just be you and I, I want to be the one to help you" Adam wrapped his arms around her ever growing waist once she stopped walking. He didn't like the idea of anyone else being in there, he wanted to experience it with just Kim.

"I know babe and you will help me... but I need help from people who have been there before as well..." She said as she looked at all the different types of breast pumps.

"We have that birthing class soon… we'll be fine" Adam shrugged as he let go of her and picked up one of the displays, it falling to pieces in his hands. "Shit" he cursed putting the pieces back on the shelf.

"Says the man who doesn't have to push a watermelon out of a tiny hole" Kim dead panned and picked up the display he'd just ruined and fixed it.

Adam laughed "You're right, you're the boss, I'll talk to her and we can have anyone you want in there" he said before turning back to the pumps "Do we really need one of these things? Looks kind of painful" he screwed his nose up, before pressing one of the buttons that turned it on and a god awful noise started ringing through the shop. Adam fumbled to turn it off. "And so damn noisy"

"What? You think we can just milk me like a cow?" Kim raised her eyebrows at him.

"Isn't that her job?" Adam teased motioning to Kim's stomach.

"Shut up" Kim laughed shoving him playfully

"I reckon if you get me a pail to fill I could work it out… I'm pretty good with your boobs" he winked.

"Ok you can stop now before you get in trouble" Kim shook her head laughing "We seriously need one of these, and I need your help, so come on, focus" Kim said seriously

"Ok ok I'll go find someone to help us" Adam kissed her before going to find someone to help.

Forty five painful minutes later they emerged from the store.

"I can't believe we just spent almost four hundred dollars on that thing" Kim said shocked

"You would need to wear ear plugs while you used it if we'd brought the one you wanted" Adam reasoned, he'd come full circle on the pump and then insisted on one that the shop assistant promised would halve the time Kim would need to be hooked up to it and was also a hell of a lot quieter than the rest.

"Ear plugs would have been cheaper" Kim scoffed

"You would have had to buy a pair for the princess too though" Adam pointed out

"You could have just left the room when I needed to use it" Kim teased.

"You're hilarious Darlin" Adam grinned as he opened the door to the truck and helped her climb in, before climbing in himself and heading out of the parking lot.

"Where are we going?" Kim asked when they turned away from their house.

"Kelsey has a surprise for you, she asked if I could take you over there" Adam shrugged

Kim eyed him, smiling. He had a terrible poker face when it came to her and she could tell he was excited about something. She was going to press him on it, but she knew he would cave and tell her and then be so disappointed in himself that he'd ruined the surprise. So she just nodded and went along with whatever he had planned.

 **...**

"So did my husband put you up to this?" Kim asked as they were getting manicures. When they had arrived at Kelsey and Kevin's apartment, Kelsey had been waiting to take Kim on a surprise spa afternoon. Adam had tried and failed to maintain he had nothing to do with it but Kim knew he was behind it.

"No, it was entirely my idea" Kelsey responded very unconvincingly

Kim laughed loudly "Ok, I'm going to pretend I believe you… So how are things with Kev?"

Kelsey's face fell and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat and didn't answer.

Kim frowned "What's wrong?"

"I don't know… he's been lying about being called into work… last week when we went to the movies, he didn't know I was seeing you and said he'd been called to a crime scene. Then I got to your place and Adam was there… and he seems… distant" Kelsey said on the verge of tears, she hadn't said anything to anyone and she hadn't called Kevin out, scared of what the reason might be.

Kim was shocked, it was so unlike Kevin, but now that Kelsey had mentioned it, he had been distant from her too. "I'm sure there is a reason for all this Kels, have you talked to him?"

She shook her head no and looked away clenching her jaw. "Do you think he's seeing someone else?"

"No. Not even for a second" Kim said adamantly. "Talk to him... trust me, not communicating gets messy quickly, that's half of what took Adam and I down. It won't be as bad as what you are imagining. I'm sure of it" Kim hoped like hell she was right.

Kelsey nodded and changed the subject back to the baby not wanting to talk about it anymore.

 **…**

Kim waved bye to Kelsey as she drove away, when she went to open the front door it swung open and Adam stood there excitedly bouncing from foot to foot.

"So I planned the spa day so I could get you out of the house, I have a surprise for you" he said quickly, literally bouncing with excitement.

Kim feigned shock "You planned it? No, I had no idea"

"Come on" Adam pulled her into the house taking her bag and throwing it on the hutch in the entry. "Ok cover your eyes"

"You're very excited baby" she laughed, she loved seeing him like this, he was adorable.

He covered her hands with his so she couldn't peek and led her up the hallway. He opened the nursery door and gave it another once over before removing his hand.

"Ok open"

Kim opened her eyes and was speechless, she'd been in here just yesterday and it was full of boxes of furniture yet to be put together and endless bags of clothes and items for the baby.

Now everything was assembled, the curtains hung, pictures on the wall and the shelves neatly decorated with the knick knacks they had been gifted from various people.

But the thing that caught her eye and surprised her the most was the beautiful metal tree sculpture hanging on the wall, it was a family tree as such and hanging from the branches were photos of everyone they considered family.

"Where did you get this?" Kim asked with tears in her eyes "It's beautiful" she said running her fingers over one of the photo frames dangling from a branch.

"I had to get it made, a guy I used to go to school with makes them… I was torn as to whether you'd want pictures of just family in there, but I figured they all already call themselves aunts and uncles so we may as well just embrace it" Adam chuckled, pointing to the pictures of intelligence and Kelsey.

"It's perfect, I wouldn't change a thing… not in the whole room." Kim wiped her eyes and walked over to Adam and kissed him. "Thank you, I was stressing out about when we would get around to this, but I didn't want to nag you" she admitted.

Adam smiled wryly "I know Darlin, you're a little transparent"

Kim raised her eyebrows and moved her hands to his belt undoing the buckle and pulling him out of the nursery by it. "Being transparent isn't always a bad thing, is it? Makes it easier for you to know what I want"

Adam shook his head no and let Kim pull him into their bedroom.

Their breathing had barely returned to normal and Kim moved to rest her head on Adam's chest.

"What's going on with Kevin?" Kim asked abruptly

Adam frowned and let out a little chuckle "Should I be worried that Kev is on your mind right now?"

Kim moved so she could see his face "Kelsey said he's been lying about being called into work"

Adam's eyes flickered away from Kim's and she glared at him. "What's going on Adam?"

He let out a long breath "I can't tell you, but it's nothing to do with Kelsey or their relationship" Adam rubbed her back hoping that she might drop it, although he was almost certain she wouldn't.

Kim sat up pulling the sheet up to her chest "What do you mean you can't tell me?"

"Kev doesn't want anyone to know, he's my" the rest of his words died in Adam's mouth as he saw the look Kim was giving him.

"I'm your wife Adam Ruzek, that trumps whatever it was that was about to come out of that mouth of yours"

"Darlin, you will just stress and that's not good for the baby, please trust me on this" Adam pleaded trying to pull her back into him.

Kim glared at him "Seriously? You think this is me not stressing?"

Adam let out a sigh and rubbed his hand over his face "It's Vanessa..."

 **A/N - Sorry for the lack of updates, it unfortunately might be a little sporadic for a few weeks, real life is testing me a little so don't have as much spare time and I also seem to struggle more with writing happy stuff... Weird, I know.**


	12. Chapter 12

_"_ _Your brother is here to collect you Vanessa" Principal Duncan said sternly_

 _Vanessa felt the knots in her stomach get tighter and she nodded and walked out of the office, pausing briefing at the door when she could see out into the hall._ _Kevin and Adam were right out there waiting for her. Kevin was pacing the hall muttering to himself and shaking his head, he was talking himself down from killing her the second he laid eyes on her and whoever this boy was when he found out who he was._ _Adam had his back against the wall with one of his feet on it casually, staring at the door waiting for her to materialize. She sheepishly opened the door and walked into the hall. Kevin looked at her, let out a deep breath and stormed out of the school shaking his head._

 _"_ _So I take it he's mad at me" Vanessa said trying to contain her tears, she wasn't sure if she was upset or embarrassed, probably both._

 _"_ _You didn't think he would be?" Adam asked as he put his arm around her shoulders and walked her out the school "What were you thinking V? Doing that at all… but at school?" Adam kept his voice low and even, with how angry Kevin was he needed to be the voice of reason._

 _"_ _Oh please don't act like you two weren't doing the same thing at my age, he wouldn't be acting like this if it was Jordan" she said rolling her eyes_

 _Adam groaned loudly and stopped her from walking "V, just a tip, do not use that argument on your brother… Who is he?" he asked cautiously._

 _She took a deep breath and started walking again "Jake" she said and turned to face him pointing her index finger at him "and I'm not telling you his last name because I don't need you and my brother looking into him" she huffed_

 _Adam nodded and put his hands up defensively "Jake… ok" he shifted from foot to foot "and Jake… he's your boyfriend right?"_

 _Vanessa rolled her eyes at him so hard he was sure it would have had to hurt._

 _"_ _No Adam, I just have sex with random guys all the time" her voice dripping with sarcasm._

 _Adam cringed and pushed his hand through his hair, hearing Vanessa talk about having sex made him feel all kinds of uncomfortable. "Ok, ok, I changed my mind, I don't want to have this conversation, just get in the truck" Adam said motioning her to keep walking towards his truck where Kevin was already sitting in the passenger seat._

 _The car ride back to the apartment was dead quiet; the only sound was the trucks engine and road noise, Kevin had even switched the radio off. As they pulled up to the apartment block they noticed a teenage boy sitting on the steps._

 _Kevin and Adam exchanged a look and Vanessa felt her heart start to thunder._

 _"_ _Can I help you?" Kevin asked getting out of the truck, resting his hand on his gun, he was glad his badge was on the chain around his neck, making it more obvious than if it had been clipped on his belt._

 _Jake swallowed hard and stood up from the step "I… I wanted to introduce myself… I'm Jake" he stuttered nervously. "Vanessa's boyfriend"_

"So you both embarrassed her in front of her new boyfriend, and then proceeded to over react after he left?" Kim asked annoyed to hear that Kevin and Adam had put the scare on the new boyfriend and then grounded her, taken her phone and forbade her to see him.

"She was having sex! At school! We could of slapped a chastity belt on her and it wouldn't have been an overreaction…" Adam said defending his and Kevin's actions, they were mainly Kevin's actions but Adam had been there to back him up every step of the way.

"And how did doing that work out for you guys? Because it's now what, a week and a half later and Kevin is going out at odd hours of the night after she's snuck out" Kim said her mounting frustration beginning to get the better of her.

"So what Kev should have just given her a free pass?" Adam scoffed

"No, but you pair of idiots should have told Kelsey or I, it could have been handled better Adam... Has anyone asked her about birth control? Safe sex?" Kim asked, knowing full well they wouldn't have.

Adam glared at her "Well, we didn't think we needed to because she wasn't meant to be seeing him anymore"

Kim shook her head and climbed out of bed, throwing her robe on and pulling it around her body, getting frustrated when it didn't meet around her stomach anymore.

"How is he even hiding this from Kelsey?" she asked as she rifled through Adam's drawers for a shirt to pull on after having given up on the robe.

"She's been working crazy shifts at the hospital and she's got that residency exam next week. He didn't want to add stress to that" Adam answered, looking at Kim pull the shirt over her head and start pulling at it when it was tight on her stomach.

Kim scoffed "Well he did a good job with that… He needs to tell her… like now"

Adam held his phone up showing he'd already opened a text message to him "I know… you know, I'm still really excited to be having a girl, but boys are so much easier to deal with at this age"

Kim glared at him and then pulled at the shirt with more ferocity "How the fuck is it that your shirts don't even fit me, I'm a god damn whale" Kim huffed as she ripped the shirt over her head and stormed into the bathroom to have a shower.

 **…**

Everyone had decided to meet Kelsey at Molly's, she'd taken the news about Vanessa well, she was far more pissed about Kevin hiding it from her than anything. She was on night shifts at the hospital and had taken Vanessa to a clinic today for birth control options.

"I have a really good idea for birth control" Kev smirked, Kelsey had fought him on banning Vanessa from seeing Jake and won. She'd merely pointed out the fact that while he could forbid it, it was still going to happen, it was better to be open about it than make her hide it.

"You mean aside from the rod that she just had placed in her arm?" Kelsey asked confused

"Well, think of this as more of a deterrent from the whole sex thing all together… She can go in the delivery room with Kim, I reckon that would scare any sane woman off right?" Kev laughed

Kim smirked back at him "In that case, maybe I should have Kels in there too, god only knows we don't need any more Kevin Atwaters in the world." she laughed and took great pleasure in watching Kevin's face fall.

"That's cold Burgess" he laughed shaking his head.

"Do we have baby names yet? Did you know that you can use Jay as a girls name?" Jay asked smiling

"Not a chance in hell" Kim laughed "We have a few names… nothing certain yet"

"Well, I'm certain on a name, Kim hates it though" Adam sulked.

"I didn't say I hated it, I just said I veto it" Kim defended

"What is it?" Erin asked eagerly.

"Aria" Adam said proudly

"Oh yeah, I don't like it. It's not horrible, but no." Erin said waving her hands at him dismissively "What names do you like?" She asked Kim.

"Every other name than the ones I like" Adam muttered. They had bickered back and forth since they found out they were having a girl.

"I heard that, and that's not true" Kim said annoyed

"Really? Anna, Bianca and Layla" Adam rattled off the other names that cause Kim to screw her nose up. "See" Adam pointed at her while looking at the other for support.

"I mean, there's nothing wrong with them… but they aren't very pretty" Kelsey said trying to stay diplomatic about it.

"Shut up Ruzek I want to hear Kim's names" Erin said impatiently.

"I like Penelope, Aubrey and Charlotte" Kim said just as proudly as Adam had said Aria.

"Ooh I like them too, imagine how cute Penny Ruzek would be" Erin cooed "my ovaries are screaming just thinking about it" she said high pitched.

Jay cleared his throat "Well we should put a muzzle on them so they stop screaming for the time being"

Erin shot him a glare "Oh you should be so lucky"

"I veto Aubrey" Adam said finishing his beer "I'll get next round" he said as he walked to the bar. Kim sighed and took a sip of her water, choosing a baby name sucked.

 **…**

Kim climbed the steps of the bullpen with Adam trailing behind her, by the time she reached the top she was breathing a lot heavier than when she started. Baby Ruzek was quite the 'chunk' as her doctor had told them at her last check up, but as well as that Kim was carrying very high. That in turn meant not only did she cop a hell of a lot of rib kicks, she also got breathless easy.

"Should have re thought all those twinkies" Kevin teased.

Adam took a step slightly back from Kim and started waving his hand under his chin signalling not to tease her this morning. She was in full hormonal pregnant demon mode, Adams head had been bitten clean off about 4 times already, one of the times he'd tried to make the bed so she didn't have to.

 _"You just make everything harder Adam, just get out of the bedroom, go make a mess somewhere else" Kim huffed as she pulled the blanket off their bed._

Kim threw her hand into Adam's chest hard and glared at Kevin on her way to her desk.

"I think you look beautiful Burgess, got that pregnant glow thing happening" Jay smirked at Kevin sucking up to Kim to try make him look like more of an ass.

"Shut up Jay… seriously, why is the heat up to an unbearable temperature again? Who keeps messing with it?" Kim huffed fanning herself with her hands and stripping off her scarf and cardigan, heading in the direction of the thermostat. Everyone's eyes turned to Adam to stop her, she had already turned it down to the point where everyone else spent most of the days cold, any lower and it would be freezing.

"Burgess. It's not hot, look at the rest of us, we all have jackets on" Adam said reluctantly, he hoped that by calling her Burgess and trying to keep it professional, she might not bite his head off again, at least not here in the bullpen anyway.

She turned on her heel and glared at him "Guess I'll go work downstairs then, wouldn't want any of you to be uncomfortable" she huffed grabbing her files and going down the back stairs.

"You all owe me" Adam said after he heard the door slam.

"How is it that we owe you? She's only a furnace because you decided to sick a baby in her" Erin quipped back as Voight walked out of his office.

"We caught a crime scene, we roll out in 5" he said as he put his jacket on "Where's Burgess? I need her to check some pods"

"Working downstairs, too hot up here apparently" Adam answered causing Hank to laugh knowingly.

"Be grateful it's not summer Ruzek, Camille was overdue in the middle of a heatwave" he said as he headed out the back door to find Kim.

 **A/N - Sorry for the lack of updates haven't had a lot of time to actually sit down and concentrate on writing this. Things should calm down next week though as we get back into a routine, then updates should be a** **little** **more frequent.**

 **Did everyone see the promo for the Feb 8 PD? Holy intense! Here's hoping we get Ruzek back by the end of the episode... if not, we'll definitely get him back the following week, THANK GOD! Ruzek is way too much of the reason I watch this show!**


	13. Chapter 13

"You got to get her to go on maternity leave man" Kevin half laughed shaking his head. Kim had gone on a rant this morning about the state of the fridge in the break room; she'd spent an hour cleaning it and then spent another hour telling everyone how disgusting they were.

"Atwater, have you had a conversation with my wife recently?" Adam asked "she would flip her lid at me"

Kevin laughed "She flips her lid at everything, if it's not this it will just be something else"

"Well if I don't make it in to work tomorrow, just know it's because she's killed me" he joked as they walked through the gate into intelligence.

"It was a joke Erin, Kevin tells jokes like that all the time and she's fine" Jay defended himself from Erin's attacks.

"That was never going to be funny, she's 36 weeks pregnant you idiot"

"I bet she would have laughed if Atwater said it" he sulked and then got a worried look on his face when he saw Ruzek and Atwater walk into the bullpen. "It was a joke" he said defending himself before they even knew what had happened.

Kevin and Adam looked at him confused "What was a joke?" Kevin asked

"This idiot here" Erin pointed to Jay "told a very insensitive joke to your very pregnant wife and she's been crying in the locker room ever since" Erin explained glaring at him.

Adam groaned loudly "You suck Halstead" he went to walk towards the locker room and then stopped and turned around "what was the joke?"

Jay balked

"Go on, tell your hilarious joke" Erin said sarcastically

Jay smirked a little "Watching your wife give birth is like watching your favorite pub burn down" Jay paused with a shit eating grin on his face, he really did find this punch line hilarious "You know it will be re built but it's never going to be the same" he let out a laugh he couldn't control and Kevin started laughing too.

Adam chuckled slightly shaking his head and walking towards the locker room, it would have been funny if he'd told it when Kim wasn't around, but directly too Kim, not one of his finer moves.

"You said that to Burgess?" Kevin asked through his laughter, Jay nodded "You are even dumber than you look, why would you think she'd find that funny?" he said now laughing at Jay's stupidity more than anything.

Adam walked into the locker room to see Kim straddling the bench seat in front of her locker, she wasn't crying anymore but he could tell she had been.

"Nothing is ever going to look the same again... Do you know these boots are a size 9 Adam? My feet were a 7 before this" she said sadly motioning to her stomach, she loved that she was pregnant and she was so excited to meet their little girl, but she was not a glowing pregnant person, she was a sore, aching, nauseous blob of a pregnant person. Any pregnancy glow people might have thought she possessed was just a fine sheen of sweat that seemed to cover her body even during the middle of the brutal Chicago winter. Her ribs were forever sore, her back ached, she could barely eat more than a few bites of food before she got full, only to then be starving again 20 minutes later. She was well and truly over being pregnant.

Adam sighed and sat down behind her pulling her into his chest "Darlin, everything will go back to its original size, and even if it doesn't. I think you're sexy like this, you wouldn't get any complaints from me" Adam placed a kiss on her hair and rubbed his hands absentmindedly over her stomach feeling their little girls movements.

"While that's sweet, it's not helpful" Kim sighed "I feel like I won't last 4 more days let alone 4 more weeks Adam" she felt a tear slide down her cheek, she had zero control over her emotions anymore "You're probably going to leave me before 4 weeks is up, I'm a raging, crying fat mess"

"Oh Darlin, I got a least 5 weeks left before I consider leaving" he joked

"You aren't funny" Kim said with a smile on her face "Did you hear Halstead's shitty joke?"

"I did" Adam said blankly, not really sure of what the best response would be there.

"I think I need to stop work... I'm driving everyone crazy aren't I?" Kim asked sitting forward off Adam's chest and swinging her leg over the seat.

"I think you're driving yourself crazy Darlin, you've done well to last this long" Adam said cautiously, this had the potential to turn on him very quickly.

Kim nodded "Do you think I have to give Voight notice or do you think I can just finish up tomorrow?"

Adam gave her a cautious smile "Don't be mad, but I kind of already spoke to Voight, your paperwork is already signed off… I'm sorry, I was going to talk to you tonight"

Kim felt a wave of relief wash over her "Thank you, I hate that you look scared to tell me that though. I'm sorry I'm such a mess"

"It's okay, you can make up for it tonight" Adam said wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Oh yeah, I bet you can't wait to get up on all of this" she motioned to herself sarcastically.

"I always want to get all up on you Darlin" Adam laughed kissing her.

 **…**

"You really mean it when you say you veto Aubrey?" Kim asked from the bed as Adam walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips. Kim's eyes wandered down his body and Adam smirked.

"Like what you see huh? You do have a little making up to do if I remember correctly" Adam said as he walked towards the bed.

Kim shook her head "No. Clothes on. We need to figure out this name stuff Adam" she said focusing her attention back on the baby book in her lap hoping he would listen, she knew she would give in, in seconds if he didn't.

Adam laughed "Seems counterproductive, I'm just going to have to take them off soon, I saw that look" he teased causing her to blush, she would never understand how he could still do that to her.

"Don't flatter yourself" she laughed as she looked through the book for more names, slyly watching him get dressed. "You really don't like Aubrey?" Kim pouted as he flopped down on the bed at her feet and started rubbing them.

Adam chuckled and shook his head "You can't pout your way into calling my daughter Aubrey Darlin, I definitely veto it" Adam watched as she exaggerated her disappointment "Penelope might grow on me, Penny Ruzek is pretty cute" Kim's face lit up and Adam felt the name grow on him even more than it already had, anything that made his wife smile that brightly was a good thing in his eyes. "I might need some convincing though" he said with a sly grin on his face.

"Oh I can't pout my way into Aubrey but I can seduce my way to Penny?" Kim asked with raised eyebrows.

"Pretty much" Adam shrugged

Kim laughed and then moved to straddle him, which ended up being nowhere near as sexy as she had intended and she landed atop Adam a lot harder than she had wanted. "Well that was attractive" she sighed disappointed.

"Baby, you just have to look at me sideways and I'm good to go, besides, I think that was very ,very sexy" Adam said running his hand up her side and behind her neck to pull her down to his lips his other hand planted on her hip pulling her hips into his firmly. "I wish you could see how beautiful you are" Adam kissed her softly before taking her bottom lip in between his and sucking gently. "You have never been more beautiful to me than you are now" he ran his hands over her chest and smiled "and these" he sighed appreciatively "well these are freakin awesome" he breathed out as he kissed her again with more force. In one quick movement Adam flipped her onto her back and was hovering above her.

"Promise me you'll never change, you're perfect you know that?" Kim asked cupping his face with her hand and rubbing her thumb across his cheek.

"I should get a recording of that for when I make the bed wrong in the morning" he joked as he pulled his shirt over his head and started undoing the buttons on her pajamas. "I love you"

"I love you too" Kim smiled

"I'm glad we still have that in common Darlin" Adam smiled as kissed her again.

 **…**

The all too familiar shrill ring of Adam's phone cut through their bedroom at close to 3am, Adam felt around the side table for his phone, his head still firmly planted on his pillow.

"Ruzek" he answered gruffly pulling the phone to his ear. "Yeah, ok I'm on my way" he disconnected the call and sat up rubbing his eyes, he looked over to find Kim's side of the bed empty. "Darlin" he called out as he walked down the hall after having checked the bathroom.

"I'm here" Kim called from the couch, where she was watching TV.

"What're you doing? Why aren't you sleeping?" Adam asked leaning over the back of the couch, running his hands down her sides and onto her stomach.

"Sleep? Ha that's funny" she placed her hands over his and leaned her head to rest back on his shoulder "If I sleep on my back, I can't breathe, sleeping on my front is obviously a no go and apparently sleeping on the right side is bad for my liver and the babies blood flow. Which leaves my left side… which just happens to be the side I got shot on, so that just makes my arm and shoulder ache." She ranted

Adam sighed he hated how uncomfortable she was "I'm sorry Darlin, it will all be worth it though"

"I know… there's an upside to not being able to sleep though" she smiled

"There is?"

"I get to bulk watch things like this" she said pointing to the TV smirking "how old do you reckon Penny will have to be before I'm aloud to spray tan her and get her some fake teeth?" she asked just to tease Adam.

"45?" Adam laughed "and we decided on Penny did we?"

"Just trying it out" she smirked and turned her head around to kiss him "You should get dressed babe, Voight hates it when it takes too long to get to a crime scene"

Adam hummed and lent around further to give Kim a proper kiss, which quickly escalated. Kim pushed him away when she needed to catch her breath. "That's not helping you get there on time" she said, quickly pressing a soft and much more chaste kiss to his lips before turning her attention back to the TV.

 **...**

Adam climbed into his truck and looked down at his phone for the address. He re-read the address several times before throwing the truck in drive and tearing off down the street with the lights and siren on.

 **A/N - When I first went to write this I went back and read the last chapter and realized how bad it was for spelling mistakes, there was also a couple of sentences that just didn't make sense, sorry about that!**


	14. Chapter 14

Adam listened to the drilling of the phone "Come on, pick up, pick up" he heard Kevin's voicemail and hit the steering wheel releasing a string of curse words. He tried again, before giving up and trying O, then Halstead with no luck, his heart rate increased with every unanswered call. As he turned into Kevin's street the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he felt himself break out in a cold sweat. He parked the truck as close to the tape as he could get and took the stairs two at a time.

"What happened? Where's Atwater?" His eyes darting around the apartment, he saw a lifeless male body face down on the ground, relived it was far too small to be Kevin's. "V? Kelsey?" Adam asked before Erin had even had a chance to answer his first question.

"Kelsey is at work, we've called her, Vanessa is on her way there, she was pretty banged up from what we heard and she was hysterical, they had to sedate her" Erin explained, placing her hand on Adam's arm as a way of calming him "No sign of Kevin and they got nothing out of V before they had to sedate her." she could see the storm swirling in his eyes "We don't know what this is yet Adam, let's not jump to conclusions" Erin tried to stop him from running with the worst case scenario, even though she was having a hard time not doing that herself.

Adam nodded "Do we have any leads?" Adam asked pinching the bridge of his nose trying to focus.

Erin shook her head, struggling to keep her own emotions in check. "We need to get Vanessa talking, Al went in the ambo with her, he arrived just as they were rolling out. Hopefully he's got her talking, or Kelsey will."

"Do you think maybe we should send Kim to the hospital?" Jay asked cautiously as he walked over, V was close with Kelsey but Kim had been like a sister to her since she was 8 years old.

Adam didn't say anything; Jay could see Adam thinking it over in his head. He didn't want her to stress out, but he knew he couldn't keep this from her.

"Yeah, yeah we should" Adam nodded. "I'll go get her, I'm not telling her over the phone" the last thing he needed was for her to go speeding off to the hospital in a panic.

"I'll get Platt to go get her, you need to stay here. You know Kevin the best, if he went after whoever it is alone, you're going to be our best bet at finding him or anticipating his next move." Erin said as she pulled out her cell phone to call Trudy.

 **…**

Kim was trying to stay calm, trying not to jump to the worst case scenario possible, but it was hard, really hard. The only information Platt could give her was Kevin was missing, Vanessa had been attacked and there was a dead body yet to be identified in their apartment. Kim barely waited for Trudy to stop the car before she jumped out and walked as quickly as she could in her current state into the ED.

"Maggie, Vanessa Atwater?" Kim asked when she spotted her at the nurses' station.

"She's ok Kim" Maggie said trying to alleviate the stress she could see all over Kim's face "Treatment 3… she's just come back from X-ray, nothing broken… Detective Olinsky is in there with her, they had to sedate her, she should come around soon… any word on Kevin?" Maggie asked concern filling her voice.

Kim shook her head no "Thanks Mags" she said and walked through to Vanessa's room. When she saw Vanessa, she gasped, she had cuts all over her face, both of her eyes were black and her lip was split in two places, whoever had beaten her had done a really good job.

"What're you doing here Kim? You should be at home" Al said standing when he saw her and wrapping his arm around her, he could tell she was on the verge of tears which wasn't unusual for her at the moment, but this was more than just spilling the milk she was upset about.

"Where's Kelsey?" Kim asked not taking her eyes off Vanessa, if this is what Vanessa looked like, she hated to think of what state Kevin could be in.

"Kim" Kelsey said desperately as she walked back into the room, clinging to her, she had wanted to call Kim the second she'd heard but she didn't want to stress her out "have you heard anything about Kevin?"

"Not yet, but don't worry, they will find him Kels." Kim said squeezing her arm and moving to sit down in the free chair next to the bed. "Has she said anything?"

"She hasn't woken up yet, they sedated her at the apartment" Al replied.

"Did they, was she?" Kim asked terrified someone may have forced themselves on her.

"No, no signs of that" Al answered before she could finish. Kim nodded and watched the rise and fall on Vanessa's chest hoping she'd wake up soon and shed some light on what happened.

 **…**

"We'll find him man" Jay said squeezing his shoulder as he walked up behind Adam who was staring at the body on the ground.

"We need to get an ID on this guy, see if he has any gang affiliations" Adam said before abruptly walking into Kevin and Kelsey's bedroom, he flung the mattress off the bed, and then tipped the side tables upside down.

"Ruzek, what are you looking for?" Jay asked having come into the room after hearing the commotion.

"I just remembered Kev has a Glock 43, he always hid it under the mattress or under the side table, it was for Kelsey to protect herself if she ever needed to" Adam said as he searched the room "Kelsey and V are the only other people who knew about it" Adam ran his hands through his hair realizing it was gone.

 **…**

Adam walked up to Med to see Kim standing outside in the cold.

"Darlin, what're you doing out here?" He asked pulling her into his chest and rubbing his hand up and down her arms to warm her up.

"Just trying to get some air" she replied and rested her head on his chest "no leads?" She asked despite knowing the likelihood of him being here if they had any was slim to none.

"Not yet, I need to talk to V, when do they think she'll wake up?"

"Don't know, should be soon, but they said that 2 hours ago." She said as she let out a sob and broke down, she'd somehow managed to hold it together until now. "Our little girl has to meet her Uncle Kevin, he's so excited Adam, we didn't even tell him he was the god father yet, he has to be okay"

"Shh, it's okay baby, we'll find him. I promise" Adam said kissing her temple. He just hoped that when they did find him, he was still alive.

 **…**

Al had taken Kelsey down to the cafeteria to get coffee, she was a wreck and they were all hopeful that a walk would do her some good. Kim was sitting on Adam's lap in a chair next to Vanessa's bed.

"I can't sit here anymore" Adam declared, he'd only been there for about 20 minutes but Kim was surprised he'd lasted this long "I got to get out of here Darlin, see if they have any more info… I'll come back when she comes to" Adam said pressing his lips into Kim's "I love you, take care of yourself please"

Kim nodded and was about to respond when Vanessa's raspy voice cut through the room.

"I didn't know, I swear I didn't know"

"Know what sweetie?" Kim rushed to her side desperate for some insight into what had happened.

"Jake, his brother, he is in some gang… they used me to get to Kev, I swear I didn't know" Vanessa sobbed

Adam felt bile rising into the back of his throat. "What gang V?" he asked softly.

"I don't know" she was confused, she knew but she couldn't think of it.

"What's his brother's name?" Adam asked not so softly

"I don't know"

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose trying to keep his frustration in check "Where does Jake live?"

"I don't know" Vanessa responded meekly, Adam was getting angry with her, she could feel it radiating off him and it was making her panic, she needed to organise her thoughts but it seemed impossible with him asking so many questions.

"Jesus V what do you know?" Adam snapped, his frustration and worry had finally got the better of him.

"Adam, stop it" Kim said sternly before hugging Vanessa who was now crying even more.

"This is all my fault" Vanessa cried into her hands "I, I told Jake about the gun"

Adam turned on his heel, his blood running cold.

"I swear I didn't know Jake had taken it" Vanessa pleaded with them to believe her, she felt as though everyone was going to think she'd helped them plot against Kevin.

"V, it's not your fault but you need to calm down and tell me exactly what happened" Adam said calmly, cursing himself for snapping at her that wasn't going to help anything right now.

Kim rubbed V's arm and encouraged her with her eyes "He's right honey, it's not your fault but we need to know what happened so we can find your brother"

Vanessa calmed down and explained what had happened, Jake had been over helping her study, Kevin had ordered them pizza, when he went to answer the door assuming it was the pizza he'd been jumped by Jake's brother and two other guys, who were both also members of the Southside hustlers. Vanessa had said Kevin had recognized them all right away and had called one of them 'Deuce'. Kev had managed to shake them and get to his gun, getting one shot off, the shot that had killed the guy in the apartment. Jake had then pulled the gun he'd taken from the bedroom at some point on Vanessa and made Kevin give them his gun. They took Kevin's cuffs from the bench and put them on Kevin before beating Vanessa in front of him before knocking him out and dragging him from the apartment.

"Adam, wait" Kim called out after him, as soon as Vanessa had finished he'd ran from the room without a word. "Why would they want Kevin?" she asked when he stopped and turned to her.

"Remember the raid we did just before I went undercover?" Kim nodded "The guy Kev killed was a Southside Hustler, Deuce's brother…" Adam said quickly before kissing her forehead "I got to go, I love you" he ran out of the ED, Kim's stomach flipped, while they now had at least some idea where he was, the prospect of him being ok was far less likely, this was about revenge, an eye for an eye.

 **…**

Kim sat in the chair next to Vanessa, Kelsey sitting across from her, neither one had said a word and the silence was killing Kim, along with her back from having sat in hospital chairs for hours on end now.

Kim shifted in her seat uncomfortably, pressing her fingers firmly into her tailbone hoping to help the dull ache that had formed.

"You okay?" Kelsey asked concerned

Kim nodded "Yeah, just normal aches"

"Can you call Adam? See if they have anything yet?" Vanessa asked impatiently

"I can, but they will call when they know something, it's probably better not to bother them" Kim answered softly avoiding eye contact with her, she was a mess and it was horrible to see the look of pain in her eyes.

"Please" Kelsey added

Kim nodded and dialed Adam's number not surprised when it went to voicemail, she left a quick message so he wouldn't panic when he saw the missed call. "No news is good news guys" she said trying to reassure them.

"Can I just ask why the hell you thought you would tell Jake about the gun?" Kelsey snapped

"Kels, not now" Kim pleaded.

"He better be okay Vanessa, I'm going to home, get you some clothes" Kelsey spat out before walking out.

"She's just stressed V" Kim said, placing her hand on her thigh and squeezing gently.

 **…**

"Ruzek, we need to wait for back up" Jay whispered in a stern voice.

"You don't have to come… but I'm going in there" Adam snapped back, the idea of waiting wasn't even an option for him. He tried the handle on the door of the warehouse, surprised to find it was unlocked, he slipped inside the building.

"Fuck" Jay said watching him disappear, before shooting a text to the rest of the team and following him in. "Ruzek, wait. We need a plan"

"I have a plan… it's get Atwater out of here alive." He said as he listened to the voices in the next room.

"I'd probably prefer something a little better thought out… but I guess this works too" Jay said in a hushed voice.

"3, 2, 1" Adam counted down before they both burst into the room, unsure of what they were going to find.

 **A/N - I've been mulling this over for a few days, I had to hold onto it until I'd written a decent chunk of the next chapter to make sure I was actually going to be able to tie it all together. Up side... next chapter will be soon :).**


	15. Chapter 15

"Chicago PD, get your hands up now" Jay and Adam both commanded as they barreled into the main section of the warehouse with their guns drawn.

Relief washed over Adam as he noticed there was only two guys; they weren't outnumbered like he had anticipated.

The relief was short lived when his eyes landed on Kev, he was tied to a chair, head slumped forward and his light blue shirt was covered in blood and sweat.

"Hands up now" Jay yelled as one of the males who he recognized as Deuce, made a sudden movement and produced a gun. His orders fell on deaf ears and the bang of Jay's gun firing, echoed through the warehouse, Deuce's body falling lifelessly to the ground.

Adam's eyes were trained on the other guy but he couldn't help but notice Kev not moving even with the sound of Jays gun firing.

Jay ran forward and kicked the gun away from Deuce checking for a pulse, more out of habit than actually expecting to find one.

"Hands up now" Adam growled, adrenaline pumped through his body, he needed to get to Kev and help him and this guy was now the only thing in his way. He made a move for a gun on the table nearby and Adam took his shot… clipping him in the left shoulder... He cried out in pain, but reached the gun and raised it in Kevin's direction. Adam pulled the trigger, and the bullet lodged into the guys chest. The clatter of his gun falling to the ground echoed through the warehouse as his body went limp and crumbled to the ground.

"I need help Ruzek" Jay called out from where he was crouched down behind Kev untying his hands, the desperation in his voice made Adams blood run cold.

"Come on Atwater, wake up man, open your eyes" Adam pleaded, as they tried to ease him gently to the ground.

Adam tore open his shirt trying to find the source of all the blood.

"Fuck" Jay cursed as he saw the two stab wounds in his abdomen; he ripped his own jacket off pressing it into the wound that was putting out the most blood.

Adam grabbed his radio and called for an ambulance, relived to be told that Voight had already dispatched one.

"Come on Atwater, you got to hang in there man" Jay begged. "Come on man, open your eyes"

Adam used his jacket to cover the other wound, Kev started to moan, and his eyes fluttered but didn't open fully.

"That's it Buddy, wake up" Adam encouraged with a wobble in his voice.

"Ruzek… V… is" Kevin struggled his voice was raspy and he was barely conscious.

"She's okay man, Kim's with her, she's good, you did good man… open your eyes buddy, come on" Adam watched feeling helpless as he lost consciousness again.

The sound of the doors opening echoed through the warehouse and Adam had never been so glad to see paramedics in his life.

 **…**

The hospital waiting area was filled with CPD, firefighters and paramedics, there was barely even standing room left.

Kevin was larger than life and if you met him, you loved him, and it showed by all the people anxiously waiting for word on how he was.

"He's been in surgery for 6 hours; shouldn't we have an update by now?" Adam asked impatiently as he paced the room like a caged lion. They had been brought into a smaller private waiting room once the crowds became a bit overwhelming.

"No news is good news Adam. I don't know how many times you need to be told that" Kelsey answered, the tension evident in her voice.

Adam sighed and went to say something back but stopped when his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was Jordan. Adam had finally got onto him a couple of hours ago and he was driving up from his college in St Louis.

"Jordan is about an hour away, you doing ok?" Adam asked as he knelt down in front of V, he hated how battered she looked and his stomach lurched at the thought that Kevin had seen them do that to her. She didn't say anything just nodded, the defeated look she had in her eyes was crushing. Adam kissed the top of her head and then went back to pacing the small room.

"Adam, why don't you sit down" Erin asked, the pacing was driving everyone up the wall and it didn't seem to be helping him either.

"I don't want to sit" Adam snapped. Erin raised her hands in surrender and lent back into Jay's side.

Kim listened to the tense exchange as she stood at the window soaking in the sunlight hoping it would bring her comfort somehow.

She pressed her fingers into her lower back trying to relieve the dull ache that had been building there all day when a sharp sudden pain lanced through her stomach. She gripped the windowsill with both hands and tried to keep her breathing even… after 30 seconds, her body relaxed and the pain was replaced by the dull ache of her back once again.

Kim ran her hands over her bump and wondered if it was getting to the point she needed to tell Adam.

"Darlin, you should try get some sleep" Adam said as he snaked his arms around her waist, laying his hands atop hers on her stomach. Kim let her head fall back against his chest and put some of her weight onto him. "You okay?" he asked when she didn't respond, he knew that she was worried about Kevin, but he could sense it was more than that.

"Yeah" Kim answered unconvincingly, suddenly scared to tell him about the pain, he had enough to worry about, everyone did. Adam squeezed her gently, silently telling her he didn't believe her "I've been having… weird pains… and my back is really sore" she whispered, hoping maybe by some chance he wouldn't hear and she could go on ignoring them. Kim felt Adams body go rigid for a second, before he stretched his neck around so he could look at her without letting go.

"Contractions?" he asked studying her face.

Kim shrugged "I don't know, I've never had them before"

Adam panicked, trying to think of what to do. "Did you time them?" Kim shook her head "Darlin, you need to talk to me, how bad is it?"

"It's not too bad"

Adam moved from behind her to sit on the windowsill and pulled her gently between his legs by her hips. "If Kev wasn't hurt would you want to go to the doctors, the hospital, call Dr Stevens. What?"

"I don't know Adam" Kim snapped causing Adam to let out a frustrated sigh; he didn't have the strength to be prying information out of her.

"Well I'm not going to lie baby, I'm ready to shove you in a wheelchair and run to labor and delivery... So, unless that's what you think needs to happen…" he was playing dirty, but it was obvious Kim wasn't going to be very forthcoming with what was going on, this was the fast track option to getting the information he needed out of her.

"Can you call Dr Stevens?" Kim asked, feeling the lump grow in her throat, she hated the idea that she might have to leave this waiting room, she needed to know Kevin was ok.

"Sure" Adam said moving his hands back to Kim's stomach smiling at her, their little girl was kicking and that calmed them both to know she was still okay in there. He asked a few more questions about how long it had been happening and sucked back the urge to get mad at her when she said she'd been having the 'weird' pains for 2 or 3 hours and headed out of the room to make the call.

 **…**

"Did he sound worried?" Kim asked anxiously as they got in the elevator.

"No" Adam answered blankly, this was the third time she'd asked that in the 10 minutes since he had told her that Dr Stevens wanted her to come to his offices to be checked.

"Did you make it sound worse than it was?"

Adam groaned at how her question sounded more like an accusation "No, I told him exactly what you told me… Darlin, you need to call next time if you're going to be like this" Adam said as he gripped at the back of his neck watching the numbers light up on the elevator.

"Oh okay, well next time you can inflate to the size of a whale to give me a child" she snapped as the elevator doors opened and she stormed out.

"I would if I could" Adam muttered to himself following her down the corridor to the doctor's office. He caught up to her before she got to the door and opened it for her, receiving a glare before she walked in.

Adam hadn't even shut the door before Kim keeled over and clutched at her stomach again. The receptionist quickly got them into the exam room and let Dr Stevens know they were there.

Adam massaged Kim's back while they waited and tried not to freak out, that was pointless though, he just tried not to show it.

A nurse came in soon after and Adam watched intently as the she put two monitors on Kim's stomach and then stared at the screen watching the lines of their little girl's heartbeat on the screen. "That's ok?" Adam asked nervously. She assured him it was perfect and explained one would measure baby's heart rate and the other would detect contractions.

"Can you call Erin, see if they heard anything?" Kim asked softly as soon as the nurse left, her anger at him having dissipated completely.

"Baby, we've only been gone 40 minutes, they will call if they know anything… Can we just focus on you and the baby… I'll call once we've seen the doc" Adam reasoned seeing her hooked up to monitors was freaking him out and he didn't want to think about what could possibly be happening down there, Kim was about to protest when Dr Stevens walked into the room.

Adam ran his hands through Kim's hair as Dr Stevens did his internal examination, Adam knew it was necessary but he still hated the idea of someone else digging around in there. He'd learnt early on that expressing or even showing that he hated it was not well received by Kim so he'd taken to completely ignoring it was happening.

Dr Stevens reached for the blood pressure cuff; this was the one Adam was most nervous for. He thought back to when he'd come back from undercover and how it had been high then due to the stress, he was just trying to weigh up if she was dealing with this better than she did that.

"Well… that's not brilliant, but it's allowable" he announced as he ripped the cuff off and squeezed it in his hands. "Your cervix is still closed… but it is soft, so those contractions are doing something, but whether or not that means you're hours, days, or weeks away from active labor is anyone's guess… You're far enough along that I won't bother trying to stop labor, bub is a chunk so I'm confident she'll thrive with no assistance" he said smiling warmly at them.

Adam stared at him, his mouth suddenly dry "So, she is in labor?"

"Yes… but like I said, this could go on for weeks, it could stop and start or it could just very slowly build."

Kim stared at the doctor with her mouth agape, it was her turn to freak out now and panic filled her body "So I could just have that pain every half an hour or so… for weeks?"

"It's unlikely, if they keep going, things will happen and you'll progress… my gut is they will either stall completely at some point in the next few hours, or they will get more intense, become closer together and longer and you'll go into active labor"

"Ok, so I can go back downstairs?" Kim asked eagerly, she was anxious to get back down to the waiting room. He nodded and started removing the monitors from her stomach.

"So when do I bring her back?" Adam asked concerned, he was so out of his depth with all this.

Dr Stevens chuckled "3 1 1, remember?"

Adam didn't remember, he couldn't recall having ever heard that, but judging by the look Kim was shooting him. He definitely had.

"3 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, for at least 1 hour" Dr Stevens explained having noticed the blank look on Adam's face.

Kim rolled her eyes "I'm so glad you listen Adam" she huffed as she pulled her shirt back down.

Dr Stevens explained that Kim needed to try to stay as calm as she could, although he understood how that was difficult and ran through a few possible symptoms she could experience that would warrant her coming back, or going straight to labor and delivery.

"Alright, well just keep doing what you're doing and I'll see you tomorrow to check how you're going" he said before leaving the room to let Kim get dressed.

The door had barely closed before Kim turned to Adam and demanded he call to see if they had heard anything about Kevin.

"Nothing?" Kim asked deflated when he hung up.

Adam shook his head and pressed a kiss into her forehead "Come on Darlin, let's get back down there, there is an uncomfortable chair with your name on it"

 **…**

Dr Rhodes walked out of the OR, pulling his mask and gown off and dumping them in the bin.

His body was aching and he had a splitting headache, the last 9 hours he'd spent in the OR with Kevin, had been touch and go and it had definitely taken its toll on him, not just on his body, but on his mind too.

He was sure this next part was going to be worse than any of that though, having to tell everyone.

It wasn't all bad news... Kevin was alive... but as far as the future went, and what that looked like for him, it could be days until they knew that.

 **A/N - This is quite possibly one of the worst edited chapters I've ever posted, let's just pretend it's not so bad.**


	16. Chapter 16

Adam sat next to Kevin's bed staring at the steady rise and fall of his chest and found his mind thinking over how strange it was that he wasn't doing that by himself, that the tubes and machines were taking the oxygen in and out of his body because he couldn't.

It had been 18 long hours since Kevin had come out of surgery and there was still no change.

Dr Rhodes had explained he'd had quite a substantial amount of trauma to his body, so that was to be expected, but it still wasn't bringing anyone any comfort. Kev had been through a lot, half his liver had to be removed and portion of his small bowel was taken too. But those injuries, Dr Rhodes could say he would recover from, they were the injuries that he was sure with time, would heal.

 _"Kevin lost a lot of blood… when he was brought in, he was in the very late stages of shock from the blood loss. We have no way to know how long his brain or other organs were deprived of oxygen due to the lack of blood flow"_

Dr Rhodes' voice saying those things had been on loop in Adam's mind all night; he and Kim had gone home for a few hours to get some sleep and he'd found himself lying awake agonising over what he could have done differently to change it. If he had of left the house straight away, and got there before Vanessa had been sedated, could he have got her to talk then? Could he and Jay done something more to stop the bleeding at the warehouse?

Kim snaked her arms around his neck and Adam leaned his head back against her shoulder turning his head to kiss her gently on the lips. "Hey you… how are they?" they had convinced Kelsey, V and Jordan to go back to Kim and Adams house and get some sleep on the condition that Adam and Kim would stay at the hospital in case Kevin woke up.

Kim sighed and moved around to sit in his lap. "Erin said Kelsey and V finally fell asleep about half an hour ago. Jay and Jordan have gone to go grab some stuff for them from the apartment. They're going to drop a bag here for Kev on their way back."

Adam nodded and moved his hand to Kim's stomach and started rubbing it "Still no more contractions?"

"Nada" They had stopped just a few hours after they'd left Dr Stevens rooms and Kim was thrilled about that, while she was uncomfortable and sore, she was more than happy with her staying put until things improved with Kevin.

"That's good" Adam said as he let out a long breath "He has to be okay, Kim. He has to be able to come back to work… if he can't" Adam shook his head, being a cop was everything to Kevin, he had wanted to be one since he was a little boy and there wasn't much Kev didn't love about the job. "He has to be my partner" Adam tasted the salty tears in his mouth before he even realized he was crying. He buried his head into Kim's chest and she played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Whatever happens, we'll be there for him baby, we just have to stay positive right now. It's Kev, he's strong and he's alive, let's just try to focus on that right now" Kim was surprised when she didn't dissolve into tears herself, she had spent much of the last 18 hours in tears, maybe she had finally run out.

"V was upset about this all being her fault" Kim said after Adam had stopped crying.

"It's no one's fault" Adam said staring at Kim, he knew where she was going with this, he'd overheard her talking to Erin about it while Kevin was still in surgery. He was hoping she'd realized there was no truth to it when he hadn't heard about it.

"I made you tell me, and made you tell Kevin to tell Kelsey. We pushed you both to trust him, I should have just minded my own business" Kim said as a tear ran down her cheek, guess she still had tears left.

"No one could have known what was going to happen" Adam said seriously with her face in his hands, wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "Please don't blame yourself"

Kim nodded unconvincingly and Adam pulled her down to his lips and started kissing her almost demandingly. Within seconds, the kiss had done exactly as he'd hoped and his mind was 100% focused on Kim and he hoped hers was on him. Alarms started blaring and Kim pulled away and quickly went to Kevin's side as a nurse rushed in.

Kevin panicked as he fought against the tubes down his throat, his eyes shooting around the room.

"Kevin, don't fight it, just calm down. I will take it out but you need to calm down" the nurse said to him, her tone ticking Kim off, she sounded like she was talking to a child who was making a big deal out of nothing. Kevin went to sit up and a searing pain ripped through his stomach and up to his chest causing him to groan loudly around the tube.

"Kev… Kev" Kim said softly trying to get his attention, hoping she would be able to calm him. "Atwater" she said more firmly, Kev's head snapped to her, and Kim could see the relief in his eyes. "Calm down, just stop moving… you're ok… you just need to lay still and they will take the tube out… it's okay" Kev nodded and fought against everything in him telling him to rip the tube from his throat.

Within a couple of minutes the nurse had removed the tube, and was checking his stats. Kevin started coughing a bit and Adam stepped forward grabbing a glass of water and the straw "Can he have some of this?" he asked the nurse who nodded in agreement. "Have a drink man, it will help your throat" Adam hadn't a clue if that was true, but they seemed to do it in movies so he assumed there was at least a little truth to it. He held the glass and straw and Kev took a sip.

"I'm just going to go call Dr Rhodes, buzz if you need me" the nurse said excusing herself.

Kim moved forward and rested her hand on his leg "You ok? You're not in too much pain?" she needed him to say something, the nurse had asked him a few questions to which he just nodded or shook his head.

"Tired… What happened?" he asked, and then started coughing again, clutching at the bandages.

"Here man, have some more water" Adam said bringing the drink back to his lips. Adam went to answer his question when Dr Rhodes walked in.

"Kev, hey man how are you? It's good to see you awake" Dr Rhodes said

"Thanks" Kev said still trying to figure out what was going on.

Dr Rhodes looked over his chart, and did a few tests with him, everyone breathing a sigh of relief when Kevin seemed to have a grasp on everything except his memory of what had happened and everyone was pretty sure that was a good thing.

"What's the last thing you do remember?" Adam asked cautiously after Dr Rhodes had left.

"Kim finally putting everyone out of their misery and going on maternity leave" he laughed and then winced and clutched at the bandages "Oh okay, hurts to laugh as well… I don't remember getting home… Where's Kelsey and V? Are they ok?" Kevin started to panic and Kim watched his heart rate climbing on the monitor.

"They're okay, the nurse has called Kelsey and they'll be here soon, they just left a few hours ago to get some sleep" Kim said quickly hoping to calm him down "Kev they are fine, both of them"

"What happened then?"

Adam gave Kim a worried look who just nodded, Adam took a deep breath and began explaining to Kev everything that had happened.

Kevin's reaction had been exactly as they had anticipated; he panicked about Vanessa and was furious to hear that Jake had used her and that anyone had laid a hand on Vanessa. It took them awhile to calm him down, and Adam was at least glad he was able to tell him that they had located and locked up Jake and his brother and that Deuce and the other guy had been shot and killed when they found him at the warehouse.

"Kev" Vanessa said desperately when she walked into the room "I'm so sorry" she repeated over and over while she cried holding onto his hand tightly. Kev reassured her it wasn't her fault and checked she was okay before talking to Jordan. Kim looked around to see Kelsey leaning against the doorframe, still not even fully in the room.

"You ok?" Kim whispered.

"Yeah, I'm good" Kelsey choked out as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Ruzeks, how about you guys take these two knuckleheads downstairs, get them some food." Kevin announced when he saw the tears in Kelsey's eyes.

"Good idea" Adam said ushering them out of the room.

Once they'd left, Kelsey was still standing against the doorframe, staring at him.

"Come here baby"

"You scared me" Kelsey whispered.

"I know, I'm sorry"

Kelsey walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed, taking his hand and holding it in her lap "I don't know what I would have done if I lost you"

"Good thing you don't have to worry about it now… I love you"

"I love you too"

"Good, now get here and give me some sugar" he laughed and winced clutching his chest "Damn, I wish I wasn't so funny, hurts to laugh" Kelsey smiled at him and pressed her lips into his. "I'm tired, promise you'll stay here?"

"They couldn't drag me away" Kelsey smiled, kissed him again and then rubbed his arm until he fell asleep.

 **A.N - I have zero experience in the medical field, so if you do, and his injuries aren't in any way believable... sorry and lets just pretend they are ;). As always, forgive the editing!**

 **2 days until Ruzek returns! I'm way more excited than is socially acceptable considering he's a fictional character, but I don't even care!**


	17. Chapter 17

"I don't want to be pregnant anymore, she needs to get out now" Kim announced as she walked out of their bathroom, Adam was in bed watching TV, he looked at her and smiled, her stomach poked out the bottom of her shirt and she had on tiny pajama pants that had to sit below her stomach, she looked adorable but the expression on her face told him she didn't feel adorable.

"Not too sure it works like that Darlin, she's half you and half me… she's not going anywhere until she's ready, not long now, one more week baby" Adam smiled

Kim huffed "Unless I go over… you know I read a lady went to 42 weeks last week… I'm not doing that Adam, she's got a week and then… well… then she just has to get out" Adam stifled a laugh and Kim cut her eyes at him.

"You know… I've done my own reading" Adam moved over to her and started kissing her neck as she sat on the edge of the bed "sex is meant to bring on labor, we could always give that a go" he said into her neck as he pulled her shirt up so he could run his hands across her skin "I'd be willing to try it as many times as we needed to, call out of work." Kim tilted her head to give him better access to her neck and smiled.

"You'd do that for me would you?" she laughed

"I'd do anything for you, Darlin" he covered her lips with his and Kim hummed into the kiss suddenly forgetting how uncomfortable she was.

 **...**

Adam rolled over in his sleep to pull Kim into his arms and found her side of the bed empty. He sighed, hating she couldn't get a full night's sleep, especially when she was going to need all the energy she could get soon. He looked over at the clock, 3.30am, throwing the covers back and pulling on his sweatpants he went in search of her.

"Kim?" he called out after having looked in most of the house.

"I'm in here" she yelled from the gym. Adam's brow furrowed and he muttered to himself that she better not be doing something stupid. He opened the door and saw her bouncing on the Pilates ball, a lot more vigorously than he would like.

"What're you doing?"

"Sex must have worked… contractions have been happening for a few hours... there is no way in hell I'm letting them stop again... this is meant to help" Kim said out of breath.

"How far apart are they?" Adam asked the panic in his voice evident, he wished she'd stop bouncing.

"5 or so minutes" she said

"Babe, please stop the bouncing, or at least not that fucking hard, she's going to fall out at this rate" Adam snapped his worry getting the better of him, as soon as the words left his mouth he wished he could get them back in. Kim stopped bouncing, shocked at his outburst.

"Fall out? You're a moron Ad.." his name died on her lips as another contraction ripped through her body, they were getting more intense and colorful spots appeared in front of her eyes. Adam was at her side and rubbing her back apologizing.

"You ok Darlin?"

"Ok? Seriously? I have a baby working its way out of my vagina, Adam. Ok is not a word I would use" Kim snapped "Despite what you think, she's not going to just fall out"

"Ok..." Adam ran his hand through his hair nervously, she was angry, and in pain and he was panicking, he needed to figure out some form of plan "should we head to the hospital?"

Kim didn't answer him she just huffed and pushed past him and into the bedroom.

"Well this is going well" Adam muttered to himself before taking a deep breath and following her.

 **...**

Several hours and a very tense car ride to the hospital later, Kim was sitting on another Pilates ball, but she was anything but bouncing now. She was hunched over, her head in Adam's lap while he rubbed her lower back.

"It really hurts" she said quietly with her head still down.

"I'm sorry Darlin" Adam said kissing the back of her head.

"I think I want the epidural, it hurts too much" Adam could tell she was crying, and while they'd talked about this, and she'd be adamant she didn't want one. She also had no idea what it was going to feel like, if she wanted one, he was definitely not going to be opposed to it. He called for the midwife, when she came in, Kim was in the middle of a contraction which seemed to be almost constant now, the breaks between them were so brief it seemed like she spent more time in a contraction than out of one.

"Kim wants to get an epidural" Adam said, the midwife gave him a pitied look and he knew what she was about to say wasn't anywhere near along the lines of 'sure I'll just get the doctor'

"Ok, just let me check how you're progressing" Adam helped her back up onto the bed at the midwifes request and she carried out her exam. "Kim, honey, it's almost time to push. There's no time for an epidural now... I've got to go call Dr Stevens, I'll be right back"

 **...**

"That's it Darlin you are doing such a good job" Adam whispered in her ear. Kim had been pushing for close to an hour and a half, all of the movies and TV shows he'd watched over the years had taken some serious liberties in the way they showed childbirth. He was glad about that though, if they had of showed this version, he probably would've been a hell of a lot more panicked than he had been.

"Come on Kim. We just need one more push and then you're baby girl will be here" Dr Stevens encouraged.

Kim used the last of her remaining energy and then fell back onto Adams chest. Their baby girls cry filling the room.

"Congratulations guys, she's beautiful" Dr Stevens said as he handed the baby to the midwife who placed her on Kim's chest.

"I'm so proud of you" Adam whispered, pressing his lips to her temple "you were amazing, look at how well you did, she's perfect" He said in awe as he put his finger in her tiny little palm and she grasped it tightly.

"She is perfect" Kim smiled

"Princess Penny" Adam said as he touched her nose with his fingertip "I think it suits her"

Kim beamed just yesterday he'd still been a little unsure on the name. "Really?"

"Really. Penny Marie Ruzek" Adam said finally. Marie being his grandmothers name.

"I love it, your Dad will love it too" Kim leaned over kissing him.

The pediatrician came in wanting to give Penny her check-up and Adam had never felt so torn.

"Go with her babe, I'm okay, I don't want her to be alone" Adam nodded and kissed her quickly before following the doctor into the next room.

 **...**

"You should put everyone out of their misery" Kim whispered, Penny was asleep on her chest having passed out breastfeeding.

"Hm but then they will all want to come up and we'll have to share her" he sighed, running the back of his index finger along her cheek gently.

Kim let out a little chuckle "I know, but we've probably put it off longer than we should have"

Adam huffed jokingly and pulled his phone out and snapped a photo of Penny sleeping.

 **Penny Marie Ruzek arrived perfectly at 2.45pm weighing in at 8lb. 2oz and 21inches long. Mom and Bub are both doing well.**

"Is that ok?" Adam asked showing her the message.

Kim nodded "Can you just check you didn't get my boobs in that picture"

"You have no faith in… ok, yeah I need a new picture" Adam laughed and took a new one, quickly showing Kim for final approval.

"You're a mess" Kim smiled, she couldn't ever remember being this happy. "I love you, you know that right?"

"I've had an inkling for a while now" Adam smiled at her "I love you too Darlin, both of you. So much"

 **...**

"Kev, they haven't said they're ready for visitors yet." Kelsey said trailing behind Kevin, even on crutches he got around twice as fast as she did.

"I don't know if you remember but she's my goddaughter, I need to meet her first" he couldn't wait to meet Penny, he'd been coming out of his physical therapy appointment when he'd got the message, and there was no way he wasn't going to meet her. He was already here at the hospital after all.

"You make sure everyone remembers she's your goddaughter Kev, no one is ever going to forget" she said rolling her eyes as they approached the maternity ward.

"Damn straight I do, you can bet Penny ain't ever going to forget either" he grinned at her "We're here to see Kim Ruzek" Kevin said leaning over the reception desk.

"Come in" Adam called when there was a soft knock on the door. Kevin hobbled in followed by Kelsey "I told you Darlin, you owe me" Adam winked at Kim, their currency for bets being sex rather than money.

Kim laughed bitterly "You're going to be waiting a long time for that, I'm done with sex. For a long time. A really long time Adam"

Kevin moved over to the chair in the corner and sat down "Ruzek, give me my goddaughter" he said impatiently not caring about their conversation.

"I'm good thanks for asking Kev" Kim laughed as Adam took Penny and placed her in Kevin's giant arms, she only thought Penny looked small in Adam's arms, she looked tiny in Kevin's.

"Hi Penny, I'm your Uncle Kevin, you got to promise to love me more than Uncle Jay okay?" he whispered "She's fucking perfect Burgess, you did good"

"Kevin! Language" Kelsey admonished while Kim and Adam were laughing, Kim knew she was going to have an uphill battle with the men in her lives mouths.

"I did help out you know?" Adam said with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, your part in that was a little more fun though wasn't it?" Kevin laughed "You did good to though man, she's awesome"

 **A/N - I've had so much to read lately I haven't had time to finish writing this. Not that I'm even slightly complaining about that! Probably going to wrap it up next chapter, then maybe an epilogue :). I didn't really edit this, but that's nothing new so I apologize for the errors.**

 **Stop reading if you haven't watched this week's Chicago PD!**

 **How disappointing was it there was no Burzek follow up this week or a Ruzwater reunion :(, but at least we got Ruzek back! & didn't Rixton just shock us all! Plus the Burgwater scene! Love. I had hoped for more Platzek, but what we got was great, Ruzek actually checking for goosebumps was adorable! **


	18. Chapter 18

"I think you almost broke Mommy little girl" Adam whispered jokingly to Penny as he placed her into the cot beside the bed. Kevin and Kelsey had been the first of a steady stream of visitors, and it hadn't stopped for hours on end but now thankfully, visiting hours were over until tomorrow.

"It felt like she was giving it her best shot" Kim laughed from the bed. Adam turned back to her and sat on the edge of the bed running his fingers through her hair.

"You need to sleep" Adam said seeing the exhaustion in Kim's eyes.

Kim hummed "Only if you lay here with me and sleep too"

"I'll sleep in the chair Darlin" he leaned over and kissed her lips quickly "she'll be back up soon apparently" everyone had stressed that while they may sleep a lot, it's not usually for very long at a time. Kim shuffled over in the bed and rolled onto her side, smiling at him. "Well now that you've twisted my arm" he laughed, climbing in next to her and slipping his arms around her waist, both of them falling asleep almost instantly.

…

"She looks so little in there, are you sure this is the right size?" Adam asked nervously as he stood behind Kim peering over her shoulder. "Maybe we should have brought a different one? I could go buy a new one?"

"A different carrier?" Kim asked confused, as she adjusted the straps of the carrier to make sure it was nice and snug and smiled down at Penny.

"Yes, don't you think it looks too big?" Adam asked pulling out his phone. "I'll have a look online"

Kim sighed and turned around taking the phone out of Adams hands and slipping it back into his pocket. "It's the right one baby, she's two days old, everything is going to look too big for her right now" she reached up onto her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Can you take us home now? I am so ready to be out of this place"

"Are you sure you're ready? Doc said most people stay 3 nights, he only said you could go because you begged" Kim pressed her lips back into Adams to get him to stop talking.

"He also said we were both perfectly fine to go home if we wanted. We don't need to stay any longer, please stop worrying."

"We got this, right?" Adam whispered as he wrapped his arms around Kim

"We got this. How hard can it be? It's not as though she's depending on us to keep her alive or anything" Kim joked

Adam groaned "Not funny Darlin'."

Kim pulled back and smiled at him "Come on, please take us home." Adam sighed and nodded scanning the room for anything he might've missed on his two trips down to the car with gifts and luggage. "There is nothing left, you took it all, along with taking your sweet time in doing it" Kim groaned at him growing impatient, it had taken him twice as long as it should have and she knew it was because he was stalling. "Let's go"

"Alright, alright" he smiled walking to the bed and picking up the carrier "Come on Princess Penny, Mommy says it's time to go home and you'll learn soon enough, Mommy is the boss"

…

They had been home from the hospital for a little over a week and Adam's anxiety had completely dissipated, Kim was in awe of how good he was at knowing exactly what Penny needed. He seemed better at knowing her cues than she did. She was so grateful for how amazing he was with her because she hadn't expected to feel quite as lousy as she did, she was even more grateful that Voight had surprised them and granted Adam a whole month leave from work rather than the two weeks he'd asked for, especially when Kev was still out recovering from the attack.

Kim smiled as she stood at the doorway to the nursery watching Adam in the rocking chair, he pointing to the pictures on the family tree he'd had made explaining everyone to an almost asleep Penny, she didn't have the heart to tell him she couldn't see things that far away yet.

"You know you're hogging the baby"

"You got to have her for nine months, she's mine now" Adam joked.

"I like you like this, with our baby, it's very sexy" Kim smirked as she walked into the room, she never understood why Adam found her being pregnant so sexy, but now she understood it a little better, the sight of Adam with Penny in his arms did things to her, things she'd rather it didn't while she was still recovering.

"Yeah? That's good to know" he winked back and patted his knee. Kim winced as she sat down on his knee, the initial pressure causing some serious discomfort for her.

"As sexy as you are like this, there's still no way you're getting any for a long time" Kim groaned.

Adam smiled and pressed a kiss into her shoulder "I'm sorry it hurts, did Dr Stevens say how long? I don't think I ever heard a timeframe?"

"We have to at least wait 6 weeks Adam" Kim snapped rolling her eyes at him.

"Darlin, that's not what I meant, I meant pain wise, I don't care if I have to wait 6 months until you're ready. I just meant how long is just sitting down going to hurt for?" Adam smiled rubbing her back, Kim was relaxed and stress free the first couple of days after Penny's birth but in the last few days there had been a big shift in her mood and Adam was now understanding the term 'baby blues' it wasn't so much 'blues' as just every emotion you could ever imagine being experienced in full force at the drop of a hat, somewhat similar to pregnancy, but worse.

"Sorry" Kim mumble, knowing she'd just over reacted "A few weeks I think, not sure. I am sure that it's unnecessarily cruel that I still have to pee all the time, but now instead of it just being inconvenient, it hurts like a bitch too"

"Lucky she's cute, imagine how much it'd suck if she wasn't and you were in this much pain" Adam joked

Kim smiled at him "Yeah lucky… but I think even if she wasn't cute, we'd probably be biased in thinking she was"

"Nope, if she'd have come out looking like an alien, I would have known" Adam said scrunching his nose up looking down at Penny.

"Whatever you think Babe, come on she's asleep, put her down, you need to get going. Erin will be here soon and you should already be at Molly's" Kim said kissing his cheek, standing up.

"You sure you girls will be ok?" Adam asked, he had been putting off going to Molly's to 'wet Penny's head' but Kim had agreed for him and he was less than thrilled. Kim raised her eyebrows at him. "I haven't left you both before"

"We'll be perfectly fine, promise" Kim smiled before walking out of the nursery.

…

"I can't get enough of her" Erin smiled as she nuzzled her nose into Penny's head and took a deep breath breathing in the newborn baby scent Penny had "She even smells adorable, how is that possible?" she gushed.

"I have no idea, but she's lucky she's cute." Kim laughed

"That bad?" Erin grimaced

"Worse… give me a choice between labor and getting shot, I choose the lead each and every time" Kim took a sip of her water "Contractions felt like someone had my organs inside a medieval torture contraption and then pushing her out felt like I had been lit on fire and someone was splitting me in half and don't even get me started on what's going on down there now"

"Oh wow. Ok" Erin said swallowing hard.

"It was a fucking nightmare… People lie when they say you forget about it as soon as you see your baby, you don't forget… but I will admit as soon as I heard her cry, and laid eyes on her, there wasn't a single part of me that wasn't entirely sure she was worth every second" Kim smiled

"Oh thank god" Erin said letting out a breath Kim hadn't even noticed she was holding.

Kim eyed her "Thank god?"

Erin stammered a little "Well it would be awkward if you didn't think she was worth it" Kim raised her eyebrows at her attempt to sound convincing "I've been thinking about maybe trying to have a baby" Erin said sheepishly

"That's good, isn't it?" Kim asked confused by Erin's hesitation.

"You mean other than the fact that you just used a medieval torture contraption to describe labor?" Erin scoffed sarcastically "Jay constantly makes jokes about not being anywhere near ready, I'm worried he won't ever want to, I'm not getting any younger" Erin fiddled with the blanket wrapped around Penny.

"Erin, you're only as old as you feel, but I get what you mean, talk to Jay I'm sure he's not as opposed to it as you think" Kim said squeezing Erin's arm encouragingly. "Especially not if you tell him you how badly you want one, that man would walk through fire for you"

"Yeah. I guess, I'll talk to him tonight" Erin nodded. "We'll just have to get him around this gorgeous princess more and he'll be begging me to have a baby" she cooed at Penny.

…

"Penny is awesome man, but seriously I swear I'm going to have to start making Erin take her pill in front of me every morning to make sure she doesn't secretly go off it" Jay joked as they sat at a table together with Kev having broken away from the bulk of people gathered there, Adam didn't realise so many people were waiting on him to do this.

"Don't worry; I think if she has a conversation with Kim about labor she might change her mind." Adam said as he took a mouthful of his beer "It was fucking brutal and I was as useless as tits on a nun in there" Adam scoffed "I thought those birthing classes we had to sit through had given me a handle on what was going to go down, but they didn't. People come in and out constantly and then what feels like every half an hour someone chucks on a latex glove and shoves their hand under the hospital gown, very rarely is it the same person doing that either and I feel like watching the exorcism of Emily Rose would be more realistic than some of those birthing videos" Adam cringed at the memory.

"So I guess you guys aren't rushing back into it anytime soon then?" Kev laughed shaking his head

"I don't think I'm going to get a chance to even possibly get her pregnant for a long while" Adam laughed shaking his head. "She winces every time she even sits down" Kevin and Jay both had horrified looks on their faces, Adam laughed dryly "I'm serious when I say it's brutal, you've seen the size of Penny, she may be small but you don't have to be a genius to figure out the logistics of that"

"Alright, alright, we get it" Kev said putting his hand up. "I just hope Kelsey isn't getting any ideas just yet"

"Ditto brother ditto" Jay added clinking beers with Kev.

…

Adam crept into the house quietly, it was a little later than he'd planned to stay out and all the lights were out. He showered in the main bathroom not wanting to wake Kim or Penny and slowly opened the door to their bedroom.

"We aren't asleep" Kim said amused sitting up in the bed feeding Penny.

"Why are you in the dark then?" Adam asked flicking on the lamp on his side of the bed and went to the closet to get some pyjamas to put on.

"Didn't really need it" Kim shrugged "How was it?"

"Good, I didn't realise so many people were going to be there, a heap of my buddies from the academy even came"

"That's nice, so you're glad your wife insisted you go?" Kim asked smugly

"Yes, you were right Darlin" he laughed as he climbed into bed and kissed her and then Pennys head. "How was Erin?"

"I'm always right" Kim gloated jokingly "She was good, she wants a baby" Kim said excited

"Who's she going to have one with?" he laughed.

"What do you mean?" Kim asked concerned

"Jay doesn't want a baby, not right now anyway. Are you being serious she actually wants to have one now?" Adam asked shocked, that would mean Erin would have to give up work and he loved Erin, but she didn't seem particularly maternal to him.

"Yeah, she was going to talk to him tonight."

"Oh ouch, glad I'm not Jay tonight" Kim glared at him and he realised he'd put his foot in it. "Or Erin, either of them" he added hoping it helped.

"Poor Erin, she was really serious about this, maybe Jay was just acting like that around everyone else, or maybe he doesn't think she would want one"

Adam considered telling her it was Jay who brought it up, but being it had nothing to do with them and she was already testy he decided against it.

"Maybe, who knows, they'll work it out" he smiled taking a sleeping Penny out of Kim's arms and putting her down in her bassinet.

"Hopefully, how cute would it be if they had a baby soon and it was a boy. They could be in love" Kim cooed and Adam glared back at her about to bite when he saw her laughing.

"Not funny" Adam deadpanned "She's never dating." He climbed into bed pulling Kim into him.

"Never?" Kim asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"We'll revise when she's finished college, with honours" Adam joked, snaking his hand up to her neck and pulling her in for a kiss.

"That was a nice kiss" Kim said when she pulled away breathless.

"I missed you while I was gone"

"Mmm let's go to sleep, anymore kissing like that is going to leave us both frustrated"

"Well, we both wouldn't have to be frustrated" Adam laughed "I'm joking Darlin" he said quickly in case she over reacted.

"Hilarious. Night baby"

"Night Darlin" he whispered kissing her again softly.

 **A/N - Sorry for the wait! I thought I'd end up with more time the last few weeks but it has definitely not worked out like that. Hopefully I'll get another chapter out sooner than this one.**


	19. Chapter 19

Kim sat on the couch with the breast pump attached to her chest, she stared down at the bottles and sighed. Penny was almost a month old and the last week and a half they had been giving her formula, Kim's supply wasn't increasing and Penny wasn't putting on weight like she should have been. Penny, in true Ruzek form had made up for that tenfold within a few days of being on the formula and while that had thrilled Kim, it had also made her feel extremely guilty and she was finding it hard to kick that.

"Darlin, you don't have to stare at the bottles like that. It doesn't matter baby, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, she loves this stuff" Adam said encouragingly motioning to the bottle he currently had in Penny's mouth.

"How can I pump for half an hour and get 3 oz.'s it's ridiculous, these stupid cookies have done nothing, they are a load of crap" she said throwing the 'boobie bikkie' she'd baked at 2am a few mornings ago after reading a blog that swore they would at least double your supply in a matter of hours. "They are just like the rest of the other shit I've tried, fucking useless" Adam had lost count of all the things she had tried, but among some of them were herbal teas that tasted like shit, a medication from the doctor and she'd also been unsuccessfully seeing a lactation consultant. The woman made Adam's skin crawl and her attitude towards Dads in the first few weeks left a lot to be desired.

 _"Adam, your job is more to support Kim in these early days, you need to back off a little and let Kim and Penny form an unbreakable bond. You can forge a bond with Penny further down the track"_

It had taken all Adam's willpower not to lose his shit at her, but he knew Kim needed help with the feeding and he knew Kim didn't believe it so he'd grinned and beared the rest of the consult but had been adamant that he wouldn't be attending another one with her.

"Don't let it upset you so much" Adam said softly rubbing her leg, Kim's baby blues were still very much around and it was concerning him, everyone had said it lasted 2 weeks, but here they were nearing the end of week 4 and it was getting worse. "Maybe we should think about just doing formula… you don't even get to feed Penny because you have to pump" Adam said cautiously, he was almost certain it wouldn't be received well.

Since the bottle feeding had started Kim had given Penny one bottle, she was meticulous in making sure she pumped every single time Penny fed, even in the middle of the night, so Adam fed Penny while she pumped. While it was okay at the moment because Adam was still on leave, he was starting to get nervous how it was going to go when he had to go back to work in a few days. If he had an office job or something that didn't require him to be so focused, he wouldn't mind being tired, but being up all night with Kim and Penny and then going to work exhausted could end up killing him, or someone else.

It seemed like Kim was almost obsessed with the breast pump, and how much she got out each time, she had a chart on the fridge where she would write how much out of each breast and what time. Adam's mother wasn't helping at all, she was a 'breast is best' believer 100% and while that might have been true to some extent, it definitely wasn't going to ruin Penny's life is she was formula fed, at least not in Adam's eyes. In Kim's, that was exactly what it was going to mean.

"I didn't say you had to get up with us, I've told you I can pump after I've given her the bottle" Kim snapped angrily.

"My problem isn't being up with you Darlin', it's how stressed you are, you're missing out on Penny because you spend so much time pumping."

"You think I don't know that Adam" she said, her voice breaking and she quickly walked up the hallway and into their bedroom.

"Oh princess what am I going to do with your Mommy?" Adam whispered to Penny "I know you haven't got to see it much, but your Mommy has the world's most beautiful smile. Daddy's just got to figure out how to get it back" he took the bottle out of her mouth and sat her up on his knee leaning her forward over his hand to burp her, a few seconds later a loud burp came from Penny "Seriously little girl, how you can burp that loud and be this little and cute still baffles me… lets go find Mommy, see if we can't get her to stop crying without her taking my head off"

Adam dropped down on the couch with a bowl of chips and a beer, he'd finally calmed Kim down and got her to sleep as well as Penny. You'd think it would've been the baby that was the hard part in that situation, but it wasn't. Kim had never been one to nap during the day and trying to convince her that she needed it now, was no easy task. Of course, as soon as she actually laid down and her head hit the pillow, she was out like a light.

Adam flicked on the hockey game from last night just as a loud knocking, or more like banging echoed through the house.

"Who the fuck" Adam cursed under his breath as he quickly went to the door opening it angrily "Halstead, fuck man, I just got them to sleep"

"Shit, sorry I didn't even think about that" he said as he walked into the house and headed towards the kitchen opening the fridge and grabbing himself a beer before opening it and skulling half of it. Adam followed him, looking on amused.

"Well help yourself" he chuckled, he'd been waiting for this, Erin had called Kim the morning after she'd told Kim she wanted a baby and said she'd chickened out and she couldn't talk to him about it. Being it was Erin, they knew she would get the nerve sooner or later, he was just hoping this little freak out he was witnessing would go Will or Kev's way, but it seemed as though he was the lucky winner.

Jay skulled the rest of the beer, threw it in the bin and then grabbed another one. "Jeez, that bad? Wanna tell me what's got you throwing back beers like that?" he didn't want to put his foot in it in case it was something else, unlikely, but possible.

"Outside" Jay answered looking over his shoulder.

Adam cocked his head to the side and then followed Jay out onto the balcony. Jay sat down in one of the chairs and picked at the label on the beer bottle not saying anything, the silence was unsettling, Adam was getting the sinking feeling this was about more than Jay freaking out about having a baby.

"Halstead, you got to give me something here, you're freaking me out a little"

"I love Erin to pieces, you know how much I love her. She's everything to me" Jay answered as if Adam had challenged him about it.

Adams eyebrows knitted together while he watched Jay stand up and nervously pace the balcony.

"No one questions how much you love Erin" Adam said carefully, between Kim and now Jay he felt like he was working in a fucking mental hospital.

"I'm married"

"Come again?" Adam scoffed after he'd swallowed the beer in his mouth, narrowly avoiding spitting it out in shock.

"I got married before I left for the Rangers. When I got back… things were… well I was in no state to be in a relationship. She moved to Indiana and we just… didn't talk anymore"

"You just stopped talk to your wife?" Adam asked dumbfounded.

"We were young and it took me a long time to get my head on straight, and then I don't know. It just never seemed like the right time to call her, and when she never tried to call me, I always felt kind of like it wasn't fair to try talk to her again. I'd hurt her pretty badly"

"And Erin doesn't know?" Adam asked still in shock, he was half waiting for Jay to burst into laughter and yell 'gotcha'. Jay shook his head nervously.

"She wants to have a baby, I can't have a baby with her without telling her this and I know Erin's not keen on the idea of marriage, but I want us all to have the same last na.." The sliding of the back door opening stopped Jay and Kim walked out.

"Hey Jay where's Erin?" she asked as she sat down on Adams lap.

"Kim" Jay said louder than necessary "Hey. Um she's at home, I just stopped by to see if Ruzek was ready to come back to work on Monday" Jay said nervously.

Kim gave him a puzzled look "Ok… You alright?" she asked noticing his bouncing knee.

"Yeah just got to get home, told Erin I'd pick up dinner" Jay said standing up from the chair.

"Oh ok... Bye"

"Yeah, bye, I'll have to come back with Erin when Penny's awake" Jay stammered, Kim's brow furrowed further, they had only been over yesterday seeing Penny.

"I'll walk you out" Adam said pushing Kim up gently "you didn't sleep long enough Darlin" Adam said to her kissing her cheek before following Jay down the back steps and down the side of the house

When Jay was halfway down the side of the house he turned around abruptly to Adam "You can't tell Kim"

Adam scrubbed his hands over his face aggressively, this was the last thing Kim needed on top of everything with Penny. "I won't but you need to figure this out and tell Erin. What do I tell Kim what this was about then? She's going to ask why you were acting like a hobo on crack"

"She caught me off guard, tell her I was thrown off by the baby thing" Jay answered

"What did you say about the baby thing?"

"Yes, but that we needed to go to the doctors to get check-ups and then take those baby vitamins for a month or two before we start trying"

"Jesus Halstead you know you are making yourself a giant fucking hole don't you?"

"I just needed to buy some time, I need to find out where Caitlyn is and get papers drawn up."

"Caitlyn" Adam repeated "Shit man, you need a hell of a lot more than just some extra time" Adam scoffed shaking his head "I'll see you on Monday" He said as he walked back down the side of the house.

"What was his problem?" Kim asked when he walked back inside, she was sitting on the couch eating the 'boobie bikkies' again.

Adam sat down next to her "Erin brought up the baby thing, he was a little freaked out, but he wants to have one. Just going to get some doctors checks first and he wants them to take those vitamins for a month or so first. Guess he saw how perfect Penny is and is worried his little swimmers need some help to make something in her league" he grinned.

Kim smiled slightly, the smile not quite reaching her eyes "Here's hoping Erin is better at this part than I am" Adam hated that everything had to come back to the breastfeeding thing at the moment, and what he hated more was that she was convinced it was something she had done.

"I'm not even going to touch that Darlin' but you should know what you just said was a load of crap" Adam said kissing her cheek and pulling her into his side, before pressing play on the hockey game at the same time Kim's phone started ringing. "Just leave it" Adam said holding her tighter into him. Kim pushed herself up from the couch and went to retrieve her phone.

"Who was it?" Adam asked when she returned half an hour later.

"Erin, she's so excited. She wanted the details of Dr Stevens and to know which vitamins I took and if you could take them before you're pregnant or not… I'm so glad Jay wants to have a baby, with how excited Erin is. I think it would have been a deal breaker"

Adam just hummed in agreement, hoping this wasn't going to blow up in his face as well as Jay's.

 **A/N - I was originally going to make this chapter a lot longer but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting too long and I'm struggling a little to write the Erin and Jay stuff! I also came up with an idea for a short 2-3 chapter story, and have been stupidly writing it instead of working on this, I'll finish this before I post it, I struggle to update one story let alone two!**


	20. Chapter 20

Kim hung up the phone angrily as Adam walked into the kitchen with Penny in his arms, she had just woken up and she was acting as if she'd never been fed before.

"Did you call Liana?" Kim spat at him.

Adam's stomach fell, he'd been waiting for this. "No, I didn't, she called me… she was worried I guess"

"and you told her you thought I should stop even trying to breastfeed?"

"That's not a secret Kim, I've told you that. Can you make Penny a bottle or move so I can do it?" Adam said bouncing Penny trying to calm her down.

Kim angrily got the bottle from behind her with the pre measured water in it and started scooping angrily. "It's so easy for you, you have no pressure, you don't have to do anything" she yelled.

"No one put any pressure on you, you did that all yourself. No one else cares if she gets this stuff from you or a tin. And honestly, it seems as though I'm the only one who's actually feeding our daughter" Adam spat out at her, Kim turned away from him and finished making the bottle, shoving it at his chest as she stormed past him and into the bedroom.

Adam groaned and looked down at Penny who was madly sucking at the bottle from the second it met her lips "I wish what she needed was as transparent as when you need something bubba."

A short while later Adam put Penny down in the napper in the lounge room and went in search of Kim. He unlocked the door to their bedroom with the paper clip he now kept handy above the doorframe.

Kim sitting on the floor at the end of their bed with her knees pulled up to her chest, sobbing was like a knife to his chest.

"Oh Darlin, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" he asked crouched down in front of her, the second he'd asked it he felt like an idiot. Stevie Wonder would have been able to see she was far from ok.

She shook her head, unable to talk. She couldn't breathe, it felt as though there was a vice around her chest and it was crushing all of the oxygen out of her body.

Adam sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, she was shaking and her skin was cold and slick with sweat. Her heart felt like it was about to escape her throat and Adam could feel it racing without even touching her chest. When it didn't feel like she was going to move away from him, Adam lifted her up into his lap and she slumped into him, trying to mold her body into his hoping it would ease the panic she felt taking over her body.

"It's ok Darlin' I'm here… shhh…" Adam whispered in her ear as he slipped his hand under her t shirt to rub his hand against the small of her back. He had no idea how long they stayed like that but eventually he felt her body slump into him even more and she turned into a dead weight. Awkwardly and far from smoothly Adam managed to stand up and get Kim onto the bed, he pulled her jeans off and pulled the covers over her before bringing Penny into the bedroom and slipping in beside Kim and pulling her back into his arms.

Adam woke with a start, sunlight beaming through the bedroom window. Penny. He felt panic wash through his body but was relived to find he was in bed alone. Adam was shocked it was morning, that meant Kim had to have fed Penny at least twice without waking him. He hoped that was a good thing, and he wasn't about to walk out to an exhausted Kim who had barely slept.

"Morning" Kim mumbled as she saw Adam walking down the hall.

"Good morning" Adam smiled and sat down beside her on the couch slumping into it and running his hand cautiously up and down her back a few times, she had taken to moving away from his touch lately and it cut through him everytime, but he'd sooner die than stop trying "You feeling ok?" he asked relived she didn't pull away.

"I didn't express this morning or at her late night feed… I think you're right, you can say I told you so now" she whispered sadly looking down at Penny who was resting on her pressed together thighs staring up at her.

"Hey, it's not about being right or wrong, I have zero desire to tell you 'I told you so'. I just want you to be happy Darlin' that's all I've ever wanted."

"I feel like I failed you both"

"You didn't" Adam said with conviction. "Besides, I'm not a great sharer" he winked wiping the tears that had splashed down her cheeks away.

Kim let out a small laugh "You're a mess Adam"

The sound of Kim's laugh, albeit small was enough to make him smile goofily "Your mess though" he looked down at Penny, she'd fallen asleep in Kim's lap while they were talking "How did we get so lucky with her? She can fall asleep anywhere, maybe she got that from Kevin somehow" he laughed. Neither Kim or Adam had that ability but Kevin, well he could sleep standing up if he had to.

Kim scooped Penny off her lap and placed her in the nearby napper. When she turned back around to Adam he patted his lap for Kim to sit down. She settled into his lap and then buried her head into the crook of his neck.

"Talk to me" Adam whispered into her hair.

Kim tried to choke back the sob she felt coming and managed to reduce it to a hiccup. "I think we need to throw out the pump. Remove the temptation to try. I haven't expressed in 12 hours and I don't even feel like I have to" she choked out. "But I still feel like I want to try and see what's in there, you need to throw it out. Or take it to Erin's, maybe she can use it when they have a baby. It was so expensive"

"I'll throw it out" Adam said quickly not even wanting to go into any conversation about Erin and Jay. Kim was making real progress this morning the last thing he needed was to slip up, or to have to directly lie to her. Kim nodded and whispered "Thank you" almost inaudibly.

The rest of the weekend Adam and Kim stayed inside their own little bubble. Adam could almost see the stress lessening at every feed for Kim, she gave Penny every bottle on Saturday until Adam finally declared it was his turn at her late night bottle, he truly did love feeding Penny if the breastfeeding had've taken off he would've wanted Kim to express so he could still have these moments with her.

It was now Sunday afternoon and Kim was in the kitchen making dinner, Adam was going back to work tomorrow and he'd be lying if he didn't admit, he was still nervous as all hell about leaving them both.

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?" He asked coming up behind her and resting a hand on each of her hips. Out of habit he still felt like he was bracing for her to tense up and pull away and was encouraged when she leaned back into him rather than moving away.

"Considering not cooking this chicken properly so you get sick and have to say home"

Adam threw his head back and laughed "Seems a little drastic"

"Hmm well maybe I'll fake sick myself? Would that work?" Kim smiled pushing back against Adam so he'd free her. She dumped the chicken into the frying pan and started moving it around with the spatula.

Adam moved to a free space of the bench and jumped up to sit on it. "Voight wouldn't be too impressed… just going to miss me? Or nervous about being alone with the princess all day?"

"Bit of both" she sighed and moved over to Adam standing between his legs and wrapping her arms around his waist. It had been weeks since she'd not only, not moved away from his touch but actually sought him out. He finally felt like he was getting Kim back and it was amazing. "I think Penny is going to have a few meltdowns at you not being around. She's already a Daddy's girl. Probably because I was barren" Kim scoffed.

"I'm just a phone call away" he said ignoring her last comment, there was nothing good to come out of acknowledging that. "If you feel like you want someone here with you, you could always take up your Moms offer to come stay for a week or so?"

"Let's just see how tomorrow goes" Kim said kissing Adam before moving back over to the chicken "I'm sure once she gets used to Daddy not being at her beck and call we'll be just fine"

Kim woke just as Penny started to stir the next morning and quickly snuck out of the room with her again hoping Adam could get another hour or so sleep. He would want to spend a little time with Penny before he had to go to work, but that didn't mean he needed to be awake at 4am.

Kim settled into the couch with her smiling at the eagerness she was sucking the bottle with, she'd started sleeping for 5 hours from the 11 o clock feed but come 4am, she was very excited to be feeding.

"You don't mind this stuff do you?" Kim laughed, she was already feeling a lot less like bottle feeding was the end of the world. She hadn't realised how much extra work she had been putting herself through, she had less than half the things to sterilise now, didn't have to spend hours a day hooked to that god awful pump and she had noticed a massive boost in her energy just in the two days. Hindsight had struck again.

Adam could smell bacon and coffee filling the house and smiled, he hadn't had breakfast cooked for him since before Penny was born and while it wasn't something he expected Kim do for him, he had missed it. He peeked in at Penny sleeping in the napper before heading into the kitchen to find Kim and his breakfast.

"Good Morning my beautiful wife" Adam said as he wrapped his arms around her. Kim smiled and leaned back into him as he kissed her shoulder and up her neck. She felt a familiar pull in her stomach she hadn't felt since having Penny and pushed back against him all to aware she couldn't give into that feeling.

"You've got goose bumps" Adam smirked as he ran his hand up her arm.

"If you want to eat your breakfast rather than wear it, shut up and go eat" she said handing him the plate she'd just piled with bacon, eggs and toast.

"I'm not opposed to wearing it if you're going to eat it off me" he winked

Kim rolled her eyes "Eat the food Adam" she laughed "What time are you going to leave?" She asked as she brought coffee for both of them to the table. "You know you could chew rather than inhale" she laughed after watching him for a second. Adam pulled a face and finished what was in his mouth.

"7, Al called yesterday said I had a shit tonne of paperwork to catch up on. Half of it needs to go to Platt so you can guarantee she'll be at me from the second she gets to the district" Adam answered before sipping his coffee "You feeling ok about this still?"

"I'll be fine babe, it's the little miss I'm worried about" Kim laughed "She was looking for you this morning as it was, I hope she wakes before you have to go or she is going to be a very cranky little girl"

Adam took the last mouthful of his coffee "That was perfect thank you" he kissed her "I'm going to grab a show.." The rest of his words died on his lips as Pennys cries filled the house "going to grab that baby" he smiled and quickly rushed to her, the crying stopping as soon as she saw Adam.

Kim walked in a few minutes later with the bottle handing it to Adam who had already changed her nappy and was sitting on the couch talking to Penny who was flapping her arms and legs excitedly at him.

"You know, she screams at me until she's got that in her mouth... but you, she's happy to just look at" Kim said with a mock hurt tone. "She's got good taste" Kim smiled leaning over and kissing Adam. She hated that she wasted so much of the time he had at home with her and Penny being a total nutcase rather than enjoying it.

An hour later Penny was back asleep. Adam walked down the hallway fixing his gun and badge onto his belt as he walked into the kitchen to grab his wallet and keys.

"Be safe today please" Kim warned

"I'm always safe Darlin'" he grinned back at her grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl.

"Adam, I'm serious. You are going to be over eager to get some action" she said making air quotes "don't let that cloud your judgement, please"

"The only action" he said making the same air quotes Kim did "I'm over eager for I still have to wait 2 weeks to get" he winked

"I'm trying to be serious here" Kim said with her hands on her hips trying her hardest not to laugh at his jokes. Adam put his arms through the holes her arms had made and pulled her into him, leaning back a little so he could still look at her.

"I promise I will be the definition of over cautious and careful" he said, kissing her. He went to pull back and Kim moved her hand to his neck and brought his lips back to hers, lightly brushing her tongue against his lips. Slowly their tongues mingled and Adam pulled her closer to him pressing his body into hers firmly. Kim pulled back smiling and Adam groaned at her. "Only you would do that for the first time in a month before I have to leave you" Adam sulked and Kim threw her head back and laughed.

"You should go, you don't want to be late" Adam placed a much more chaste kiss on Kim's lips before walking to take one last glimpse at Penny for a few hours. "Oh babe, you forgot your banana" Kim said catching him at the door.

"I have another banana you can have"

"My god Adam, go to work" she laughed kissing him one last time before watching him get in the truck and pull out the driveway.

"Has it been this quiet the whole time?" Adam said frustrated from his desk. It was after lunch and he'd finished his paperwork and was trolling through files of rubbish cases with no leads, most of them were just days away from being declared cold cases.

"Do you mean as in noise quiet? Or work quiet?" Erin asked sarcastically "Noise quiet, without you, it's been a blessing" Adam threw a pen at her and she ducked laughing.

"It's been pretty dead man, aside from the murder suicide we had last week, if you and Kev had been here, you both would have climbed the walls" Jay said as he stood up and walked into Hank's office. Erin eyed him curiously and then turned her attention back to Adam.

"When I spoke to Kim yesterday she sounded so much better, she said she gave up the feeding. I didn't know it had got that bad" Erin said concerned

"She hid it from everyone else pretty well" Adam shrugged not really wanting to go into it with anyone "She is almost back to normal though, I think it had a lot to do with her hormones or something. Whatever it was, I'm just glad it seems to be behind her"

"Let's hope I don't put Jay..."

"Ruzek, ready for a field trip?" Jay asked grinning when he walked out of Voight's office.

"Hell yes" Adam said glad to be getting out of the office and that conversation with Erin.

"I'm just throwing him a bone" Jay said when he noticed Erin's puzzled face and winked before grabbing his jacket and heading down the stairs with Ruzek.

"Where are we going?" Ruzek asked rubbing his hands together in anticipation, he missed intelligence. He loved his time at home with Penny and Kim even if Kim was hard to deal with for the majority of the time but there was something about this job that made him feel… like himself, he'd missed that.

"Lincoln Park"

Adams shoulders slumped, that was a better part of a Chicago he'd hoped for something a little more grungy than that. "Great."

"So, you get in touch with your wife yet?" Adam asked a while later, eyeing Jay carefully.

"That's kind of what we are about to do"

"What?"

"Her parents, I did a search, they moved back to Chicago a couple of years ago… here actually" Jay said as he put the truck into park and pointed to the house they were now stopped out the front of. It was a nice house, it was clear they were well off.

"I'm not going in there with you, Halstead."

"Ruzek, please. I fucked up, I know that but imagine if this was Kim. I need your help. I can't imagine her parents like me too much anymore"

Adam looked between the house and Jay a couple of times and then let out a long exasperated breath. "Where does Voight think we are?"

"Meeting up with a CI about one of the cases we're about to push to a cold case"

"When this shit blows up in your face I better not get hit by the flying debris Jay" Ruzek said seriously as he got out of the truck.

 **A/N - I had originally thought this chapter would have a lot more of the Linstead drama in it but, I needed to get Kim back together and that took longer than anticipated. - I have once again forgone editing to get this out, please continue to gloss over the errors :)**

 **Next chapter, is probably not going to be liked by any Linstead shippers, but before the 'guests' come at me with pitchforks, refer to previous chapters when I put burzek through the ringer too, there's no story if it's all unicorns and rainbows!**


	21. Chapter 21

Jay had managed to control his nerves right up until they pulled up at Caitlyn's parents house. Once he realised that in just a few strides he would have to knock on the door and face the mistakes of his past his mouth went dry and he could feel his heartbeat in his temples.

Caitlyn was his high school sweetheart, his first everything and for a long time, he'd thought he'd eventually end up back with her.

Now, his heart laid with Erin and he knew without a doubt he wanted to start a family with her and spend the rest of his life in her arms, but that didn't mean he wasn't at least a little worried about what feelings seeing Caitlin again might stir up.

Caitlyn's mother, Helen, had been welcoming and loving of Jay from the very first moment she'd met him. Ian, her father however, had taken a little more warming up to. All he saw was a 17 year old boy trying to get into his only daughters pants. While Jay hadn't had the purest of intentions, it hadn't been his only intention and once Ian realised that Jay loved Caitlyn he'd come around. Before long Ian had become more of a father figure than Jay's own father, that was until he ruined everything.

Jay and Ruzek climbed the steps that lead to the front door and Jay raised hand to knock but then pulled it away.

Ruzek sighed loudly "You know, for someone to answer, you have to actually knock" he leant around him to knock on the door loudly. Adam wanted to get this over and done with, he hated this whole situation and he hated even more that he'd been dragged into it.

"Shut up Ruzek, I was getting to it" Jay said annoyed and shoved his hands into his pockets to hide that they were now shaking.

"Yeah, just like you were getting to telling Erin you were married" he snapped back sarcastically just before the door flung open.

A little girl with chocolate brown hair and eyes stood before them with a big smile on her face that fell as soon as she saw it wasn't who she'd been expecting. "Grandma, it's not Papa" she yelled before slamming the door shut again.

"Maybe we got the wrong house?" Jay said confused pulling out his phone to check the address. An older lady opened the door. She had the same smile as the little girl but it quickly fell into an icy glare when her eyes landed on Jay. Not the wrong house Adam thought to himself.

"Jay Halstead, I hope it's a mistake you're on my doorstep" she said her voice laced with anger.

"Helen, Hi I, uh, I just need to get some details for Caitlyn, I need to talk to her"

"After 8 years, you suddenly need to talk to Caitlyn?" she sneered at him

"I just need"

"You need" she sneered leaning forward, pointing her finger angrily at him "that's the problem with you Jay Halstead, you're only ever around when there's something you need. You married my daughter and then fled the country"

"That's not really fair Helen, I went to fight a war"

"A war which you didn't feel compelled to fight before you were married, you didn't even come back when your own mother got sick. Guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree with you after all" she snapped, her words cutting straight through Jay. He had spent his whole adult life trying to not be like his father, but here he was keeping secrets and lying to Erin, not to mention how badly he'd hurt Caitlyn in the past.

Ruzek noticed the little girl come back into the entry, he smiled at her and knelt down "Hi sweetheart, my name is Detective Ruzek, this is Detective Halstead we are just here to talk to your Grandma." He said showing her his badge hanging from his neck, she looked scared and he was hoping to give her some reassurance.

"Is Grandma in trouble?" she whispered

"No baby" Helen answered quickly and pulled her into her side.

"We just need her help finding someone" Ruzek smiled as he stood back up.

"Hannah, go find the IPad and go upstairs please, now" Helen said sternly, she watched her disappear down the hallway and then turned back to Jay and Adam just as the back door swung open and an older man appeared.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" he yelled angrily coming towards them, his eyes trained on Jay.

"Steven, calm down, that is not going to help anything" Helen said getting in his way so he couldn't move any closer to Jay.

"Calm down?" he scoffed at her.

She sighed and turned back to Jay "Jay, you can leave your number, we will talk to her. If she wants to contact you, she will"

"I really need…" Jay started before Adam cut him off.

"That sounds like a reasonable idea… If you could just let her know it's important" Adam said resting his hand on Jay's shoulder. Jay shot Adam a look but agreed once he saw the little girl had returned. He handed his card to Caitlyn's father, who refused to accept it. Jay sighed and placed it on the side table.

"For what it's worth I never meant to hurt her, and I am really sorry." Jay said before walking out.

"Well that didn't go quite as I expected it to" Jay sighed as he pulled away from the curb.

"What'd you expect? They'd be happy to see their estranged son in law show up on their doorstep asking about the wife he hasn't bothered with for 8 years?" Ruzek said his voice dripping with sarcasm, it had hit him in there, seeing Caitlyn's parents how angry he would be if anyone ever did that to Penny. Jay wouldn't be breathing if he'd have been Steven.

"I expected them to at least give me her number" Jay scoffed "How long do you think it will take her to call?"

"I don't know, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting Mrs Halstead so I can't really comment"

"Don't call her that" Jay snapped.

Adam sucked his teeth "That little girl, any chance she's yours?" it had been bugging him since he'd seen her. He'd guessed she was about 7 or 8, just a little younger than Zoe and that seemed to line up with the last time Jay had seen her. He was pretty sure Jay hadn't connected the dots yet.

"What? Why, no. No, she would have told me"

"Would she?" Adam challenged with his eyebrows raised "I don't know that I would've in her shoes" Jay glared at Adam but didn't reply "Does she have brothers or sisters?"

"A brother" Jay answered.

"Well, I guess you could be right then" Adam shrugged as they pulled into the district carpark. "Kim's going to ask me about my day."

Jay let out a long breath and pinched the bridge of his nose "You know she would tell Erin straight away"

"You should have already told Erin, Jay. This is making it so much worse, every day that you keep sneaking around is making it worse"

"Yeah but I'm too far in now aren't I?" Jay snapped before climbing out of the truck and angrily walking into the district not bothering to wait for Adam.

Adam stood in the parking lot for a while trying to think of what he should do. There wasn't really anything for him to do, not really. It wasn't his place to get involved, and Kim didn't need this right now. He stared at a couple of patrol officers smoking and for the first time in years he desperately wanted one. "Fucking Halstead" he muttered to himself before walking inside, Kim would have his balls in a vice if he ever picked that habit back up.

…..

Kim was lying on the floor on her stomach in front of Penny who was having her 'tummy time'. She was screaming her lungs out and Kim was rattling every toy she owned in front of her to get her to stop.

"Baby girl mommy doesn't make the rules; the stupid doctors do. They tell me your head will look funny if I don't. Come on baby you don't cry for Daddy like this." The timer on her phone went off and she quickly picked her up and calmed her down.

"You know, I don't know why you like him so much more than me" Kim smiled touching the tip of her finger to Penny's nose gently. "I grew you, you know. Daddy did next to nothing. I'm the real superstar here" she laughed at herself "Is talking to you kind of the same as talking to myself?" Kim shook her head "I hope not" she reached for the phone as it started ringing and smiled when she saw the caller ID.

"We are both still alive" Kim laughed when she answered.

"I'm impressed" Adam teased with a grin on his face.

"Thought you would be, how's work? Glad to be back?"

"I miss you both, but yeah, it's nice to be back though it's quiet. I went out with Halstead but turned out to be nothing so just back here avoiding the last of the paperwork, I can't wait for Kev to be back" Adam groaned.

"I talked to Kels before, he's got a medical today, he's hoping he'll be cleared, at least for desk duty" Kim said scooping Penny up and placing her into the swing.

"Do you want me to pick up something for dinner on the way home?"

Kim opened the fridge examining what was in there "Nah it's okay, I have it covered"

"Wow, keeping the baby alive and cooking dinner don't set the bar too high on day one Darlin" He chuckled, leaning back in his chair.

Kim laughed "I never said what you were getting for dinner, maybe it's just a cold hot dog"

"I have a hot dog you can have, I guarantee it's not cold though" just as Kim was about to respond with more than just laughter, Kev walked up the stairs into the bullpen "Darlin, Atwater just got here, and he got himself up the stairs like a big boy, you'd be so proud" Adam said grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

"A big boy that has been cleared and can kick your ass again" Kev joked "Tell Mama I'm stopping by on my way from here"

"You hear that?" Adam asked Kim.

"I did, he's totally right, I love you but he could kick your ass"

"Yep, that's what he said, on his way from here. I'll see you when I get home" Adam ignored what Kim had said not wanting to give Kev any more ammunition.

Kim laughed loudly "Ok baby, I love you"

"Love you too" Adam laughed before hanging up and standing to hug Kevin. "Desk duty?"

"Full duties, aced my physical" he sang and did a spin on his bad leg.

"Hell yes" Adam grinned and gave him a high five.

 ** _A/N I'm so sorry for the lack of updates and the quality of this chapter, I have literally been staring at this for over two weeks and finally just decided to get rid of it so I can move on!_**

 ** _I totally under estimated how hard it would be to write Jay and Erin :/._** ** _I had planned to have their fights in here, but I'm doubtful that's going to happen. It will stick much more to the fallout, and the effect anything might have on Kim and Adam._**


	22. Chapter 22

Adam took the stairs out of the bullpen two at a time, he was hoping to get home in time to have dinner with his little family.

He'd been back at work for 2 weeks now, the quiet spell they'd experienced while he was on furlough hadn't lasted very long and he hadn't made it home before 11pm at all this week.

Kim understood, and she hadn't been anything but understanding, but the disappointment in her voice when he'd call and tell her he wasn't going to make it home was evident.

"Ruzek, get your skinny ass here" Platt barked.

"Sarge, please whatever it is can it please wait til tomorrow?" Adam begged as he dragged his feet while he walked towards her desk.

"Nope. There is a woman in there who is asking to speak with you. Tells me it's of the upmost importance" Platt said rolling her eyes "I was going to make her wait awhile until I called you, but here you are"

Adam groaned loudly "What do you reckon the odds are this is a 10 minute and it's over type thing?"

Platt let out an exaggerated laugh "slim to none. That woman" she pointed to the closed door opposite her desk "does not seem like an easy woman to deal with"

"I was trying to get home to see Penny and Kim before they went to sleep. Maybe you didn't see me and I must have left the district for the day?" Adam flashed a big smile at her.

"Like hell pretty boy, don't use that gorgeous Princess of yours to try get your way with me either"

"Worth a shot" Adam sighed and reluctantly walked to the office. "Hi I'm Detective Ruz.. Helen.. Hi" Adam stammered when he realized it was Jay's mother in law waiting for him. _Fucking Halstead_ he cursed internally.

"Detective Ruzek. Hi. I'm sorry to drag you into this"

"Please. Call me Adam. What can I help you with? Did you want me to get Jay? He's upstairs" Adam suggested, sensing like he was about to be dropped right in the middle of Jay's shit storm.

"No" she said a little too loudly "Sorry, I just... I don't think I can be the one to tell him, and I'm sorry for the position I'm going to be putting you in but, he has a right to know" Adam watched her as she stood and started pacing the room. Adam just nodded and sat down, hoping maybe it would encourage her pacing to stop. Helen seemed different today then the first time he'd met her. That day, the only emotion she seemed to display was anger, today, she seemed devoid of anger and in its place there seemed to be heartbreak and that made Adam feel even more uneasy for whatever was about to be dumped on him.

"6 years ago, Caitlyn was in a car accident. She was" Helen paused and turned away from him "she was rushed to the hospital and they tried... Her injuries were too much and we had to take her off life support 72 hours later"

Adam stared at Helen, his brows furrowed so tight, they almost met together. "She's dead?" Adam asked blankly before shaking his head "I'm sorry, I'm just a little shocked, that was rude"

Helen swiped quickly at her cheeks and nodded "It's ok. But yes, she passed away 6 years ago"

"How does Jay not know this?"

"We assumed someone had called him, or he'd talked to someone who would've told him. We've spent all these years being so angry with him for never calling to ask how we were or to check in, for not coming to the funeral" Helen managed to get out, her voice was breaking and she was barely holding her emotions together. "I can't decide what's worst though. Him never calling us, or the fact that he wouldn't have called her til now… I assume he's met someone else he wants to marry?"

Adam nodded slightly, he had no idea how to respond to any of this. "I'm so sorry for your loss"

"You know, up until Jay came back from the Rangers, he was as much my son as Anthony. I loved him like my own, but Caitlyn spent the last few years of her life heartbroken because of him, and I'll never forgive him for that."

"For what it's worth, which is probably not a lot. The little about that time of his life I know, he was in a bad way."

Helen nodded and fiddled nervously with the tassels on her handbag. "You have to understand my husband, Caitlyns father. He believes Jay has no right to know. But, all I can think about since he showed up on our doorstep a few weeks ago is that it's not about what Jay deserves. It's about what Anna deserves."

"Anna?" Adam asked, his mouth dry and his leg bouncing.

"Caitlin was pregnant when Jay decided he needed time to get his head on right. She didn't want to tell him because she believed he needed the time to get over everything on his own. She believed he'd come back to her, I think she died still believing that" she said before dissolving into tears.

"I'm so glad you wanted to meet me for a drink, I'm going fucking crazy man. When the fuck is she going to call. We have to go see that baby doctor on Tuesday. What am I meant to do when he gives us the green light?" Jay vented before taking a long pull of the beer Adam had waiting for him.

Adam stared at his beer, wiping the sides of it. He had no clue how Jay was going to react to this, he was about to tell him something that would change his whole life. He wished like crazy Kim knew about all this, that he could have talked to her first, she would have known how to do this. What words to use, what to focus on.

"She's not going to call Jay. Caitlin can't call"

"What? Did you talk to her?"

Adam took a deep breath and told Jay almost verbatim what Helen had told him earlier.

The next 4 hours were spent watching Jay down whiskey after whiskey before Adam had signalled Hermann to cut him off.

"What am I going to tell Erin? I'm a widow? With a kid? A 6… 7… fuck I don't even know how old she is" Jay slurred from the passenger seat of the truck.

"Widower" Adam responded, Jay shot him a confused look "Widow is a female. You are a widower"

"For fucks sake Ruzek does that matter right now? You are a fucking vault for useless information"

"It's hardly useless, I just found a use for it then" Adam grumbled to himself "Just a crazy idea, something you probably haven't thought of, but, you could try the truth"

"Helpful. Really helpful" Jay snapped "Can you stop at a liquor store?"

Adam ignored his stupid request for more alcohol and sighed loudly "When I was undercover… after I'd" He paused and shook his head a little, the thought of it made still made his stomach churn. "My handler, he would tell me time and time again, Kim didn't need to know. We could bury it. I could forget about it and only a handful of people would ever know" Adam gripped the steering wheel tightly and Jay watched his knuckles turn white. He never spoke about being undercover, no one ever really brought it up either the whole team knew what had happened but for obvious reasons it wasn't talked about. "I just kept thinking about having to lie to her, having to keep it from her. Even if she hadn't found the file, I was always going to tell her straight away, I knew telling her the truth was going to make me and her fucking miserable and she was going to hate me... but not telling her would've eaten me alive and ruined us anyway… Telling Erin isn't going to be easy but you just have to hope like hell she's going to forgive you and love you in spite of it"

"Well that's the most depressing fucking pep talk I've ever been given" Jay snorted

"You're in a pretty fucking depressing situation" Adam shrugged as he pulled up to Jay and Erin's building.

"When are you going to tell her?" Adam felt like a broken record.

"Tomorrow, after work. Then she's got the whole weekend to be pissed and hide from me before we have to go back to work on Monday" Jay groaned rubbing his face. "I need to go see Caitlin's parents too. What am I meant to say to them? To my daughter?" Jay pressed his head black into the head rest.

"Probably nothing that is going to come to mind when you've drunk half the whiskey in Chicago" Adam watched Jay stumble up the steps at the front of the building and disappear behind the door before he pulled away from the curb.

Adam walked into the dark quiet house and dropped his keys onto the side table disappointed. He'd missed seeing Penny and Kim awake, again.

"Fucking Halstead" he muttered.

He peered into the bassinet at Penny, she was sleeping peacefully. They were still swaddling her but she was a little Houdini and almost as soon as they put her down her little arms would work their way out of the wrap and rest stretched out above her head.

Right now, all Jay was thinking about was that Caitlin was dead and he was going to lose Erin but Adam felt sad for when he would eventually realise all the time he'd missed with Anna. The first smiles, laughs, her first steps, first day at school. Jay had missed all that, the thought of missing even one of those things with Penny made his chest feel heavy. He went to place a kiss on her forehead but decided not to risk it when she stirred a little, Kim would kill him if he woke her.

Adam showered and pulled on some sweats before slipping into bed and pulling Kim into his chest.

"Mmmhm you didn't forget about us" she mumbled with a sleeping smile.

"How could I ever forget about all this" he slipped his hand under her tank top, over her stomach and up to her chest while he kissed the sweet spot between her neck and shoulder, Kim pressed herself back into him. Adam didn't need a lot of encouraging and that was almost a big blinking green light in his sex deprived state "6 weeks. That's soon right? Like really soon" he pushed his hips into her to make sure there was no confusion in what he was asking.

"Well" Kim rolled in his arms and kissed his Adam's apple. "It's meant to be Monday" she placed another kiss under his jaw "but, they called and asked if I could come in this afternoon" Kim moved to the side of his neck and bit and sucked at the skin there, grinning when Adam sucked in a big breath.

"Darlin' please don't mess with me unless you're serious right now" Adam said his body reacting to the first kiss let alone everything else. Kim smiled and captured his lips in a passionate kiss, throwing her leg over his hip.

"Definitely not messing with you"

 **A/N - Gosh, I'm SO sorry about the lack of Burzek in this one, as well as the lack of updates in general. Real life isn't giving me a lot of free time at the moment, I have a very bridezilla-like friend ATM who is sucking the free time away from me even more than my own kids. Thankfully, she should turn back into her magical self about this time next month. THANK GOD.**

 **Only 3 more chapters of this story to go and then I have another short little story I can post to get us through the fact that we are burzek-less til at least September!**

 **P.S We need more Burzek writers! Everyone should have a crack at it because I know a few of us that read just about anything if it has Kim and Adam's name in it so don't be afraid to post! LOL.**


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